Did I Really Come Here...for this...?

Sleepover in Hipstamatic

2011-11-13T23:59:00.003-08:00

Thanks to Groupon/Jaunt/LivingSocial/etc, I think I have a new mechanism to meet my goal of staying at every hotel in downtown Vancouver (west side only, plz.) Jean and I decided to splurge for our annual (?) weekend excursion into the city for some girl time, gabbing about thighs and whatnot. Our trips are always full of ambition and then we end up lazing about. But we are old ladies. It’s what we do best.

Our selected retreat this time around was Le Soleil where we stayed in a suite with a sitting room(!) and a view of the brown building across the street. Sexy.

The best part was the Keurig in the room, which we didn’t use for fear of the price of the included k-cups.

We met up with Jean’s friend Jessica for dinner at decidedly the coolest-named restaurant in Vancouver, Transylvania Flavour.

I thought the restaurant would be cave-like with a vampire theme, but it just looked like a strip-mall location turned wannabe European. My bad. Also, the owner lady was inexplicably intimidating and the food was only OK. Next!

We headed back to the hotel and went for dessert to the Copper Chimney. We got a $20 food card when we checked in so we obviously HAD to use it. I had a this chocolate thing which tasted exactly like every other chocolate thing that restaurants buy from WOW Desserts and have shipped in. Next!

We headed two blocks over to the Cactus Club on Burrard and got our sociables on.

Ugh, I hate the waiters at these kind of places. He comes by, splays himself across our table and proceeds to ask us if we are having a “girls night out” and what our plans are for after. You still aren’t getting a bigger tip. He then comes by later to ask if we want “shots” and says he’ll grab something really special and delicious just for us. It proceeds to cost me $7.00. UGHHHHHH loser.

After cleaning up my $35 tab, we head back to the hotel into our twin beds! Twinsies!

The next morning Jean and I checked out and headed into Gastown for some sustenance.

We ended up at the Red Frog which was amazingly quiet for a Sunday lunch. We had a nice sit.

After exploring some of the wonderful shops Gastown has to offer, we headed out of the city and back into the valley….these nights away are getting decidedly tamer.

Seeing Only Numbers

2011-10-15T23:59:00.004-07:00

So months and months after I actually graduated from my various concurrent scholastic endeavours, I convocated. That’s not a word, I realize, but it’s what I did. My parents came out and the family collective headed into downtown Vancouver to the swanky convention centre where I joined the scads of graduates (99 percent Asian, of course) and said my final goodbyes to years and years of study. The day was a blur, but I Hipstamatic-d it. That is also not a word.

I had Janelle work as my camerawoman since I wasn’t supposed to carry anything on stage with me…plus that would look stupid if I posed for a self-shot while walking across the stage.

There was a big paparazzi scrum when walking in…imagine millions of Chinese with massive Nikons flashing away.

Mee!

Proud to be! Now to earn the big bucks…

Pit Stop

2011-10-09T23:59:00.002-07:00

Marriage is a long, winding road that sometimes you drive too fast along and one person almost falls (gets pushed?) out of the vehicle. Those are some sharp corners… I like to think of anniversaries as sort of a pit stop on that road. You stop, enjoy the scenery, drop a load (of cash, in my case), and then hop back in the car, wondering if you’ll both make to the next pit stop. This analogy is lame, so let’s get on with the story. Our sixth pit stop took us to the Westin Seattle.

I won this goodie off of Priceline for the rock-bottom(?) price of $90 per night. Unfortunately, winning with Priceline means you are automatically relegated to whatever room they want to stick you in. I had read horror stories online that people who won with Priceline were stuck with the handicapped room on the third floor with a nasty little bed and the view of a wall outside their window. When the girl told me that she was going to give us a city view room on the 34th floor with two double beds, I didn’t complain.

Because we are such uptown people, we decided to grab some late-night munchies from the neighbouring McDonald’s. Yay! The Monopoly game is on! We won a smoothie and a medium fries.

After a nice long sleep in our separate beds (best anniversary idea ever?), we awoke to a bright and sunny Seattle. We set out exploring the downtown in the official city of Hipsters.

So obviously there is nothing more hipster than protesting as a hobby and, as you know, the ‘Occupy Wallstreet’ movement has spread to many major cities worldwide, so guess what? Seattle had it before Vancouver. And hipsters were out in full force.

We watched them from across the street before heading into the top restaurant for 1%ers, Chipotle. Because their food is amazing.

Look out for the giant hipster with a hammer.

I guess I thought we should head to Pike Place because that’s what any good tourist does and that’s what we always do – but…I kind of hate that place. The main reason being that is wall-to-wall on a Saturday afternoon of a long weekend and I hate people. I figured that one out today.

Of course, the FIRST STARBUCKS was bumping like always, which I’m confused about. There are like 10 other non-clogged outlets within a five-minute walk…this one doesn’t even have chairs. I don’t get it, but I also don’t think Starbucks tastes better than McDonalds. (I’m right on that, by the way.)

After walking the streets and trolling Nordstroms and Barneys for several hours, we headed back to the hotel so Marty could sleep and I could relax, watching documentary about marijuana. Weird. I didn’t want to watch it, but Marty fell asleep with the remotes and I didn’t want to get out of bed to grab them, so, yeah. Interesting.

After the rest, we headed over the bridge to Bellevue as I was kind of on a hunt for something. First stop was at The Bravern, where Neiman Marcus is housed.

I dropped a pile of cash at Neiman Marcus, all the while singing that horrible Blu Cantrell song from 2001, “Hit ‘em Up Style (Oops!)” Wahh, that kind of ruins it, because I bought some Chanel shoes.

I couldn’t let these babies out of my sight once it sunk in that they were mine! I probably shouldn’t have spent that much on shoes, but I do silly things all the time. Yeah, I’m chalking this purchase up to “silly”.

So sensible, right?

For dinner we headed to the much-ballyhooed Tom Douglas joint, Dahlia Lounge. Tres chic.

The food was pricey, but absolutely delightful. Just…yum.

After a late-night snack hunt (for our weekly SNL viewing), we crashed from exhaustion. The next morning we raided the also-ballyhooed Top Pot Doughnuts for breakfast before our main outing of the day to the Experience Music Project Museum.

HIPSTER ALERT. Actually, it’s been in overdrive the entire time we’ve been in the city, but this place is like their Batcave. Retro. Doughtnut. Shop. I can’t even spell it out further.

Broken old tv. Check.

Skeleton paper cut-out like from grade five. Check.

Seattle fair trade coffee. Check.

The doughnuts were OK, but the coffee was superb.

We walked over to the museum because taking the tram was so pricey. The walk was nice…right through another hipster-ish neighbourhood.

A dreamcatcher! A hipster must have been here, leaving clues behind.

Obligatory Space Needle shot.

You’ve seen the EMP building, right? So crazy/awesome it makes my brain hurt. It must have been a pain in the ass to build.

The first exhibit we visited was ‘Can’t Look Away’ – an exhibit on horror films, just in time for Halloween!

Freddie Kruger’s glove and Edward’s Scissorhands.

Jason’s mask.

The scary-ass face of the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

By far, the coolest part of the exhibit was the Scream Booth, where you go inside, they guide you through this little video and then you scream your lungs out and they take photos of it. I was supposed to look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Ummaa…

Marty was supposed to look terrified, but he ended up looking scarier than me.

Definitely a creeper.

This is apparently what I look like as a monster.

The next exhibit was Avatar. This is the best museum evarrrrrrr.

This was a cool screen where you put a tablet thing down and all kinds of options pop up. We’ve reached the level of computing predicted in ‘Minority Report.’

I created a plant species for life on Pandora.

Obviously the museum is also about music since, well, we are in Seattle after all. However, Marty and I don’t care about Jimmy Hendrix or Nirvana.

This is MJ’s glove (who else’s would it be?) I’m sure he’d be happy to see it is resting on a black velvet cushion.

After running through the ‘Battlestar Galactica’ exhibit, we headed back outside and wandered the park before heading back to the car for the journey home (or Macy’s – whatever’s first.)

Like mentioned, we stopped at Northgate before our run for the border. At Macy’s, it was Christmas! Yayyyyyyyy

And so concludes our fun anniversary weekend stateside. No further blogs upcoming at the moment…I think. I need a life!

Party On, Wayne

2011-08-28T23:59:00.001-07:00

Mere weeks after I arrived back from Manitoba, it decided it wanted to repo me for a while longer. That’s cool. I like living on the edge of flying insanity. The kicker here was that we were only flying out for two days. Ugh. But yay! A weekend in homeland is never a bad thing, despite how wrecked I’ll likely be on Monday. One early, early, early Friday morning, Janelle picked us up (still in her pyjamas, of course) and dropped us off at YXX. I couldn’t even post a pic of the sun rising on FB because this is all on the DL.

After a uneventful journey and picking up our rental car at Avis (at which I apparently had 24 reservations and 23 were cancelled), we headed on to Altona and onto the driveway of my parents’ farm.

No one was around, so I figured they must just be in town or have gone to Winkler or something. I called my Mom’s cell phone and she reports that they are on their way to Fargo for the weekend. What? I just talked to her last night to make sure they weren’t doing anything. This is how my parents work. I asked if they had a spare house key and she asked why, to which I reported we were parked in front of their house and needed to get inside. Ha! They turned the car around and advised us to break into the house using a super-secret stealth ninja method. Done and done.

After we had settled in, we hopped back into our Kia Forte and headed out to Marty’s sisters’ house, where we surprised an unsuspecting niece and nephew. The whole purpose of this trip was to surprise Marty’s dad for his 65th birthday. We did exactly that when we walked into the family dinner all nonchalantly. He cried. It was super cute.

Marty got ribs. Of course he did.

One of things I was most excited about was seeing my newest lil nephew, Will. He’s just such a little (chunky) guy!

Look at those legs!

Look at that belly! Hoikey kazoikey. So much more to love…looks like he takes after his uncle Marty. Zing!

We had a fire after dinner and roasted wieners and had s’mores. I miss having backyard fires.

The next day my parents took some time out of their busy farming schedule to go to the Hut with me for lunch. I had a bacon cheese dog – unfortunately the enterprising young staff there felt the need to squirt mustard and relish all over my delicious wiener. Wahhhhh

We visited my Gramps late in the afternoon and he wasn’t too happy that he waited around all afternoon for us. Oops. He was happy to see us anyway.

Wasn’t he?

I don’t’ even know how we squeezed it in, but I also managed to go with my parents to Winkler yet in that afternoon. In hindsight now, I’m so confused. When on earth did we find the time? I wanted a chilled glace (the stupid McDonald’s in Altona was out flavoured syrup – unacceptable) and my Dad wanted to pick up something from Little Morden.

What an odd name for a machinery dealership.

Ahhhhhhh

That evening was the big party for Marty’s dad at his parents’ house. Of course, I got squeeze lil Will a few more times again.

He’s just a little guy!

The party went off without a hitch. The next day was breakfast at Marty’s parents and meeting Kelly and Cephas for some more treats at the Hut. Coming to a close so soon…although I suppose this is just an ordinary weekend…

Kelly and Cephas just had a fresh little guy too, three weeks prior to this meet-up. I wanted to squish him too, but there wasn’t much to squish. He was pretty chill, until he got sick of me.

Babies just make this face at me. I don’t know what it is…

He must be pooping here. He’s gotta be.

Shortly thereafter we headed back into the city and re-boarded a plane home. I just love those prairie skies and sunsets.

Oh! And the Iron Maiden plane was there too!

RADICAL.

Until next time my beloved province!! (Yes, it is beloved.)

(Day 10) Family Ties

2011-08-01T23:59:00.001-07:00

In our last Amurrica adventure, we ate lunch at Qdoba in Grand Forks (and really…how do you pronounce it? I pronounce it ‘kwa-dough-baa’.) I unno..it really pales in comparison to Chipotle. Wahhh. But it was still really tasty. Did I say last adventure? I meant last adventure before stopping for a final farewell at the local ‘Bou.

Pappy feels ‘peace’ at The ‘Bou.

I really miss the prairies actually. The skies are brilliant and blue and there is only peace and quiet for miles. That is why I grew up such a relaxed and easy-going person. Ha.

A vacation inside of a vacation. It’s like Britney Spears’ Dream Within a Dream tour. It wouldn’t be a Sunday with my parents if we didn’t eat dinner at the local Chinese restaurant (though they would argue this) – the restaurant, once a bustling hub of patrons has been largely deserted over the past decade. What, you don’t want to look at a greasy little Chinese man in a wife-beater making chicken balls? I love chicken balls.

Me? Critical? Psh.

My aunt arrived in town that night, so I wound up back at my Grandpa’s, once again scouring the family albums for some sweet photos. No dark shady past here – I’m always smiling wearing some interesting fashion choices.

Janelle looks like the cutest thing on earth. Such a symmetrical head!

I have mixed feelings about this one – I look like I’m guilty of something. And look at that little pot belly! Whose pants am I wearing?

Someone has a little mullet to their name. I’m sorry that Mother felt the need to cut your hair as a child B.

Then, Matthew came by too! To visit me! What a little guy.

Then all us gals (Matthew included), headed to The Hut for some ice cream and gabbing about this and that. You know how we girls do!

Aw…*sniff*

Altona nightlife.

Wahhh! I hate saying goodbye to people. The next morning, bright and early, we were off to the city so I can catch my flight back to Vancouver. I’m going to miss these skies!

I hate the Winnipeg airport. It is as old and as 1970’s as an airport could possibly be. If the new terminal was ready enough for the Queen to fly out of, why can’t I? Wahhh.

The crowning point of this journey home was that I tested positive for explosives at the airport. Wtf. I don’t know. They swabbed my hands and then when the machine tested the sample it came back red! Oh dear. I got the full run of airport security these days on my trip to the gate. They were polite enough though…but what did I touch? I was so paranoid both flights because what if someone tried some funny stuff? They would suspect me immediately! Good heavens!

I made it home safe and sound…back into the cool pacific air. But I miss you little MB! I’ll come again soon.

(Day 9) Bees Sting

2011-07-30T23:59:00.001-07:00

After a final farewell drink at The ‘Bou (not pictured), we headed back up the 494W and onwards back to good old North Dakota. This trip was fraught with emotion as the traffic was less than free-flowing heading out of the city. Aaaaand, this turned out be because they blocked off all but one lane to replace a sign on an overpass. If any of you know my Father (or have heard about anger and complaints in general), this was simply unacceptable. He will never be driving to Minneapolis again. The end.

In Alexandria, we had to visit a Harley dealership (see: Midlife Crisis). I lay in the back for what felt like forever. Wahhh

Eventually we made it to Fargo and checked into our little hotel. After some preliminary shopping at West Acres where I hummed and hawed at shoes for over an hour, we headed to Applebees for dinner.

Everything was looking promising and delicious until I requested vinegar for my French fries. The waitress brought me a little container and I proceeded to dump it all over my fries (like I’m wont to do with vinegar.) Then, I ate one. HA! Joke’s on me. Turns out she had brought me oil instead of vinegar. Wtf. I was so angry immediately. Then I biatched about it to the other waitress and I finally got some real vinegar. But I was upset. Wahh again. Serious wahh-ing.

Not oil. I just can get over it – who WOULD request oil for on their fries?

For our night cap today, guess where we went? NOT The ‘Bou! After buying some moccasins at Scheels (which had a ferris wheel inside the store – odd) and enjoying looking at junk in Target, we headed to the Cold Stone Creamery. Here is when I presented my Pappy with his birthday ‘Bou gift card! He was like a little kid at Christmas.

And, that’s it. Just a shawty blog for y’all today. Tomorrow is my last day of vacation so I might have a single tear of sadness. I don’t want to go back to work! Wahhhh

(Day 8) MOAr

2011-07-29T23:59:00.005-07:00

The Mall of America is, in a word, ridiculous. I mean, it really is. For a serious shopper like me, it can either be an amazing haul or nothing at all because it is just too much. You gotta be in the mood to shop like this. Thankfully I had a good sleep the night before to help me rest up for the big day. I strapped on my athletic gear, did some stretches, and drank some coffee at The ‘Bou to keep the energy up. Will there be a Gatorade station along the way?

I’m not gonna front…I squealed with excitement as we drove by the sign. Yeah, I was here last night, but it’s better during the day.

I LOVED Camp Snoopy back when it was, well, Camp Snoopy. Some of the rides are the same but I couldn’t figure out heads or tails how much it cost to ride any of the current rides. All I saw were wristbands for little kids. Have they shut me out?

I am a firm believer that shopping is still successful when few items are purchased. The first items bought were some souvenirs for my nearest and dearest – these rad “Pets Rock” air fresheners and some magnets that have the F word all over them. HA HA HA HA HA. I’m lame/how inappropriate. Mom and I met for lunch and enjoyed some pizzas at Wolfgang Puck’s near Nordstrom. We then perused the wares at Nordstrom and every sales person in the store seemed to want to comment on my hair/accessories/outfit and then tried to sell me something that I would “totally rock”. This one girl tried to sell me a $1500 Givenchy bag that looked like a lunch cooler. Then, she tried to sell me some brown suede shoulder bag with fringe (ew). Then, she tried to sell me a Balenciaga clutch for $1200. She didn’t seem to get the hint, but I’m assuming she did when I didn’t buy anything she kept shoving at me.

Mid-afternoon was time, once again, for a ‘Bou Break. We even had Jesus as our cashier.

I finished my marathon in just over six hours. Yay me! The only other stuff I bought was $100 worth of cosmetics at Sephora. So…yeah. I could have just gone to Seattle to get the same stuff, but whatever. I had fun. We left the mall and headed into burbia for some Old Country Buffet. It was like a barn with tables and melted ice cream everywhere. After stuffing ourselves feeding trough-style, we had to stop at a Dodge dealership so I could stare through the window and watch my Dad look at cars. I’ve spent probably 6 percent of my life doing this very same activity.

Yeah…I mean, it COULD be a mid-life crisis thing.

On our way home, my Mom and I made my Dad stop at every possible big box store that may have some better varieties of K-Cups in stock. No luck. But I did find some other treasures.

Aren’t these capris amazing? But here’s their secret:

I believe they are slimming because everyone is too busy staring at the rainbow dots embroidered into the denim that no one notices how fat you are.

And, at last, the day closes much how it began, at The ‘Bou.

Someone is tuckered right out.

And with that, we begin to close the Minneapolis chapter. Tomorrow we head towards home, stopping in Fargo for the night. Here, someone at Applebees tries to make me hideously fat on purpose…stay tuned.

(Day 7) The 'Bou

2011-07-28T23:59:00.003-07:00

We started our day at The ‘Bou. Yeah, I mean, the real name is Caribou Coffee, but I call it ‘The ‘Bou’ because the guys in The Lonely Island say that if “you say the entire word, it takes time, and then you wouldn't be young anymore.” So, yeah. The ‘Bou. It was so hot and humid today that when we showed up at The ‘Bou, it was like this:

(Not to be confused with 'The ‘Bu'.)

Drinking at The ‘Bou can be touch-and-go…it’s Amurrica, right? So everything is sweet to the point of being sickly. I tried a whole whirlwind of ‘Bou drinks during my trip and some things were better than others…so yeah. The ‘Bou.

For a change of pace, I told my parents I wanted to head into downtown to check out the scene there and go to Neiman Marcus. To be honest, there wasn’t much to see and Neiman Marcus sucked the big one…but I ate at Chipotle. Sold. Whatever they are selling, I’m buying. DAMN what a good burrito.

Look at the lil’ guy, just lying there waiting to be eaten. *nom nom nom*

After shelling out $24 for parking for about two hours (at which my Father balked – probably rightfully so), we headed back into burbia to Ridgedale Centre for some malling. I bought stuff! Look at me go! Well, it was mostly pants for work. Big whoop. When I headed to the washroom, I was pretty surprised to learn that the mall washroom has a Facebook page. That’s crazy. What is this world coming to?

We went to Costco next and my Ma and I had such an exciting time scouring the racks at Costco in Amurrica. So many new things to see! My Mom bought an ice cream maker.

That night after dinner at Ruby Tuesday I got my start into the Mall of America. I felt like a kid again! I remember the first time I was at the MOA…I adored Camp Snoopy and was hell-bent on buying shirts from Planet Hollywood and the Banana Republic (Banana wasn’t in Canada yet at that point.) I remember I also go this rad striped Airwalk shirt. I was with my sisters. Janelle’s feet smelled bad because she was a little kid and wore cheap sandals. Uwa~!

Camp Snoopy no longer….wahhhhhh

I really love those fat bears at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. So cute-fat.

I hardly made it around half of the bottom floor before closing time. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. After shopping my little heart out, Mom wanted Dairy Queen and thankfully there was one beside our hotel. They were closing in 10 minutes so we hurried…but then after closure, a group of about 10 people walked in. Poor DQ staffers.

Tomorrow I’m going hard in the MOA. I’m sort of tempted by a bunch of stuff at Nordstrom, but I’ll try not to be.

(Day 6) Road Tripping

2011-07-27T23:59:00.002-07:00

I haven’t made a bed in the backseat of my parents’ vehicle in YEARS (who am I? Janelle?) because, well, I haven’t been road-tripping with them in years. My chance to re-live this bit of my childhood arrived today with our early morning departure for America. I grabbed a blanket and pillow and did my best to stretch out in the backseat of my parents’ Toyota Venza. After my first nap, I woke up in the playground of my teenage band years – Grafton, ND.

I remember the first time we attended a show at H’s place, the poster said “Look for the giant “H” in the sky.” We had no idea what this meant, but when we arrived, there was the massive antenna in the sky. H’s is where we played some of the best shows of our short career. It was also here that we were supposed to open for the Ataris (who never ended up coming, btw), as well as where we opened for the Huntingtons and Hangnail. In its heyday, H’s was THE place to see shows for the southern MB crowd. And today, here it was…H is gone and so are the shows. It just felt very empty, so passing through was short and bittersweet.

After visiting the outlet malls at Albertville and letting money flow out of my wallet at some clearance bookstore (I bought two!), the rest of the drive was filled with sleep. Yay! I woke up as we were driving down the 494 into Bloomington, MN, where our Priceline-reserved hotel awaited. I bid $42 and we got the Doubletree by Hilton. Not to shabby!

My vote for dinner was the Cheesecake Factory. And, I won. Fcuk, (the brand, not the swear, though I am using it as a swear) it was hot outside! Like, oppressive, humid air death.Blah.

My fatty grease-filled Chicken Bellagio.

After stuffing myself (a common theme in my blogs), we headed into the attached mall. I stared down the shelves at Ulta with J.Biebs.

Yeah, yeah…koo. That was my day. Well, I went to Barnes and Noble too and then some grocery store called ‘Cub’. But tomorrow we bust out the proverbial big guns and get down to srs bsnss shopping. And probably get started on some serious “Bou”-ing. Yay! The ‘Bou!

(Day 5) Misplaced Memories

2011-07-26T23:59:00.004-07:00

After going to my morning appointment to have my stitches removed from my back, we went to visit my Gramps before heading off into the wild blue Amurrica tomorrow. I love going through my Grandpa’s photo albums because I find so many…treasures within. Ha!

My Gramps and dearly departed Grans wedding. My Mom was telling me she lost weight just for her wedding; makes sense because this is way skinnier than she ever was when I was a kid.

Cute! Young Kaitlyn and Matthew…

LOLOLOL! There are going to be a few people in this photo who will hate it. I’m jus standin’ there…lookin’ like I’m knacking zot.

My family at its most trailer-park-ish. Janelle is just dangling there…lol.

Me, back when I was Justin Bieber. Also, Janelle and Carlin. At least they are cute.

Oi! No wonder I hate turtlenecks to this very day.

Omg…I loved that sweater when I got it – it had two fringe horse manes on either sleeve.

Baby Matthew, when he was just fresh into this world.

Holy crud I had some awful hair. And I reeeeally loved Carlin – I’m hugging him in every photo! (Why does Janelle look so cranky?)

Moustache. That’s all I need to say.

After our trip down memory lane, we left for the big city. We went to Costco first and I decided against the Armani watch because I found it cheaper online. Good heavens! What did I do before the advent of mobile browsing?! After that we headed to St. Vital and I enjoyed some Second Cup. WHY DON’T WE HAVE THESE ON THE WEST COAST?

For dinner, my Mom had heard of this Mexican restaurant she wanted to try and all she knew was that it was “near confusion corner” and it was “down some steps”. Ridiculously enough, we actually ended up finding it, despite being stuffed in a back alley parking lot…it’s called La Bamba and it was quite tasty. To get there, we drove through my old ‘hood from my days as a first-time homeowner in the ‘Peg.

Good ol’ Morley.

On the way home, I spotted a DOUBLE RAINBOW. The first one is easily seen, but you can see the second one, much lighter, to the right.

I love rainbows! (Who doesn’t?) But it’s even better when there are two!

I love prairie skies.

Ahhhh. Tomorrow we begin our adventure southward. We are doing the six-hour trek over to Minneapolis so I can act like a kid again and do some shopping at the Mall of Amurrica. I’m going to spend spend spend!

(Day 4) Mosasaur

2011-07-25T23:59:00.002-07:00

In southern MB, you have to look for fun, as it might not find you when traversing the acres and acres of farmland, as far as the eye can see. Today, we looked as far out as we Altonians are likely to, and decided to head to Morden to explore the “dinosaur museum” (as my Mother called it.) I was incredulous that there was even a museum in Morden, so after lunch we started on our journey.

Looks like we are in the right place…

The first thing the girl said to us in our intro the museum was that it was not a dinosaur museum. lol. I didn’t mind though, we roll with the punches, be they dinosaur or not. The museum is actually called the ‘Canadian Fossil Discovery Centre’ and it had just that – discovered marine reptile fossils. You see, in the Cretaceous Period, there were air, land, and sea reptiles, but by far, dinosaurs are the most famous. Manitoba was covered in water known as the western interior seaway. Long story made short/cool, some nasty-ass reptiles lived in the body of water over my homeland and were as fierce, though less notorious, than their dinosaur cousins. The nastiest one of all was the Mosasaur. He’s ugly, too.

Here’s Bruce – he’s the largest marine reptile skeleton (though I’m sure it’s a plastercast.)

Ps, I would have totally given him a cooler name than Bruce. Probably ‘Death from Below 1979’ or something.

Here’s his fat turtle cousin (I think.)

Morden has…grown, I guess. They now have a Boston Pizza randomly in the middle of a field outside of town.

There’s also this bizarre store called “Saban & Company” next door.

I don’t know who Saban is or why they needed to add the “& Company” part, but I can’t imagine why someone decided to name their store that. Here’s my little rant on why clothing stores in the middle of shit-nowhere don’t appeal to me. 1) The items in store don’t have a overriding theme or even relation to one another. This store carried dresses for $150 AND fake Guess bags. They also carried some cheap looking pleather belts, Spanx, and Sketchers. 2) The prices are outrageous compared to what you can find at better stores elsewhere. I did find an item or two I didn’t mind, but the prices were absurd. I guess they think they have a captive audience in small towns and people will buy? Ah, no. And finally, 3) I guess I’m pretentious and don’t want to shop where farmer wives can pick up their sensible sandals, black capris, and floral-printed polyester shirts under one roof in the middle of a field. I love you Mom.

We then forwarded on to Winkler where I got to go into the Southland Mall. This place was the pinnacle of my childhood – this mall was crazy-full of awesome stores like Stylerite, Reitmans, and Warehouse One. I remember Santa drawing ridiculous crowds at Christmas and shopping for hair dye (Blondissima!) at Pfahl’s Drugs. Over the past fifteen years, the mall has slowly withered into a ghost town. The only remaining relic is Warehouse One…and the play pit area.

The reason we showed up here was to visit Jonny’s Java as all my friends had been raving about how awesome it was.

Yeah, it was dece.

We did a bit of a drive around Winkler and went to the site of the old hospital, the one I was born in. It’s now a park and so I looked into the air…the space of earth I came forth into! This is getting weird and hard to explain.

Once we had arrived back on the farm, I set out for some enjoying of the landscape. They’ve installed all these windmills in the fields near our house that my Dad calls a “scurge on the land”. lol, how dramatic.

Personally, I think they are freaking cool. And sustainable!

After the mini photo shoot starring the windmills (trust me, I have many, many more), I went to visit my cousin’s sons grave, about a mile from my house. I’ve actually always really liked that cemetery (we used to play there as kids – how morbid!) and now I know someone buried there.

I don’t know what that stuff pushed into the dirt is, but I guess its teenage guy stuff.

Just another day on the prairies (and I still have difficulty spelling “prairies), and I love it. Tomorrow we are heading into the city for some shopping as there is an Armani watch I can’t get out of my head that I saw at Costco. Of course.

(Day 3) Lazy Sunday

2011-07-24T23:59:00.002-07:00

After the raucous social the night before and arriving home at 2:00 AM, I slept until around mid-afternoon on Sunday. AHHHHHHH I do love sleeping, though I felt I had slightly wasted the day. However, fear not – I have more social obligations today to meet. We met up with my Mom’s family in the park for a picnic dinner while Matthew and I went over last night’s festivities. And I wore my massive Linda Farrow sunglasses to give the gathered Mennonites old folks something to stare at.

The view from the farm. I love it!!

Someone looks a lil sleepy…

Who’s this guy…?

OH. Jake Janzen. From where? Oh, Altona. Now I see.

I capped my Sunday off with a visit to my Grandparents on my Dad’s side. We visited their apartment and I gotta say, the visit was kind of hilarious. My Grandpa just kind of sat there and told my Dad he didn’t know who I was, and my Grandma told stories about this guy who shot himself in the head and his face flew straight off. She kept making this “face fly off” action with her hands. Then she’d lean back in her chair and because she’s so short, she’d end up lying almost flat but she’d still be chatting.

Then we talked about how cute Janelle was as a kid when I saw this photo still being prominently displayed...

So there you have it. Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon, call Parnell just to see how he’s doin’. Tomorrow will be so much more exciting…I’m going to Winkler and Morden! AMAZING.

(Day 2) The Epitome

2011-07-23T23:59:00.003-07:00

Whenever I wake up in the wood-panelled basement bedroom at my parents’ house and smell the musty dank basement smell, I’m pretty much at the centre of my universe. The room might have different furnishings now, but the SK8 stickers and weird little Mexican stuffed animals hanging from the ceiling are still intact. Oh yeah, and the Old Dutch sign I stole from Chitaqua still hangs below my bedroom window. Aaaaand, of course, the Silverchair Neon Ballroom poster is still there, because Daniel Johns circa 1999 is still hot. Ahem! Moving on…

I was so excited to get into Altona and be a part of the Sunflower Festival. Most people from Altona will acknowledge that the Sunflower Festival holds a dear place in their hearts…it was the highlight of the summer for all of us as kids. The parade draws pretty much everyone in the area street-side on Saturday morning.

Settling in…I had packed up a blanket, snacks, water, coffee, an umbrella…I was ready for anything.

Reeeeeally enthusiastic Winkler Bible Camp counsellors.

My cousin’s son died this past spring in an ATV accident and they had a float in the parade dedicated to him. To be honest, this was really best float because they gave away such good stuff – hot dogs, energy drinks, Coke, green wavy things, etc. I’m only a little sad because I didn’t actually get a hot dog. I love hot dogs!

Ronald McDonald…who USED to give out coupons for a free small fries. This year, he came up empty handed…wtf Ronald.

And randomly, there were some old people riding their motorized wheelchair/scooters, knacking zot.

Only in southern MB.

All in all, I was pretty pleased with the experience, except that I felt it was too short. And where was the pig that squirted water from his nostrils? That was a perennial favourite.

After the parade, I met up with Shannon and Brent at the Pioneer Centre for the Mennonite food buffet. It was…OK. I’ve been spoiled throughout the years with a Mother who is a stellar cook so I say the schmaunt faht wasn’t flavourful enough and the perogies were way too big and tasteless on their own. I’m such a whiner.

After stuffing ourselves, we headed over the park to check out the festival scene. Unfortunately, it is a sad shell of its former self…in its heyday, we had a midway, food booths galore, airplanes dropping ping pong balls with prizes, face painting, the whole nine. Now, it’s this.

That’s about it. But there was also a petting zoo.

They were doing some silly and unnecessary dangerous motorbike stuff near the car when we were leaving…

Good heavens! You would not find me on one of those doing that.

We then carried on with our wild adventures at the Altona Mall because Shannon wanted to go to Ten Thousand Villages. I almost wrote that as “10,000 Villages”. The feeling is alive!

I spent some time at Friesens looking for a box of birthday cards for work. I couldn’t find a single one without a religious connotation. We are certainly in the Bible Belt.

I also spent some time in the mall bathroom. So many memories in there (non-bowel or excretory system-related.) Oi.

I spent some time checking out the bulletin board in the mall as well. There was one posting that was fun to read simply because of their amazingly-poor sentence structure skill.

We then left town in Shannon and Brent’s’ rental, but not before stopping at McDonalds from some Chilled Glaces. I love you Chilled Glace!

Thanks Brent and Shannon!

Thankfully, I had just re-introduced myself to Suzy’s kids the night before, so they remembered me. However, they would now also not leave me alone. I’m such a baby-magnet. Shannon also did some bonding with the little guys…

She’s a braver soul than I…who knows where little boy hands have all been! It’s just a fact of life. lol.

I wanted a better faces-pressed photo than this, but he wasn’t cooperating.

After making a pit stop at Suzy’s grocery store, we were back to Altona and I met up with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for some Mennonite food…at the buffet again. I was still full, so I just chugged my energy drink and proceeded to talk at ever increasing speeds. From there, I headed home to kill the final hours before my Sunflower Social debut. A social! At the Pioneer Centre! I haven’t been dancing in there since my high school graduation.

My Dad dropped me off and our crew bought tickets from the picnic table outside the doors…and inside we went. It was amazing! Ninety-nine percent of those present were between the ages of 18 and 22 and they were all standing around drinking. Yay! To summarize (because I need to follow the unofficial ‘party code’ and zip it - rotfl), I hung out with Shannon, Brent, her friend, and my wonderful cousins. Thanks for being a shoulder to lean on Jamie! Literally. lol. I also made some new teenage friends and they said they couldn’t believe I was so old. Erm, yay! Then I went home to bed. The end.

(Day 1) Parker & The Gang

2011-07-22T23:59:00.004-07:00

I really love my little hometown, especially when nothing ever changes there. This way, you can stay young forever! But it always seems kind of bizarre to me that I actually spend my precious vacation time in this tiny little place. It’s a different kind of vacation I guess. And I always feel sad when I’m leaving, so that’s a good thing. I love you Altona! In July, I flew there for a weeklong respite.

Fresh off the boat, I had scheduled my first meet-and-greet at Suzy’s house for some food and fun. Jenna and her people joined us for some TGIF and I got to meet the newest member of the bunch, Parker. The kid is just so cute, I could have straight up died. UGH! I wanted to kidnap him and run. GAH!

The Bumbo chair made him puke so that didn’t last long.

Yeah, I wanted to edit it down, but every photo was my favourite. This kid has faces like there is no tomorrow.

Of course, Suzy’s own cuties were also present. I think I made a new buddy in Bailey! Now, if only he could remember me from one year to the next…wahhhh

Love this photo!

Have I drowned you in all this baby goo? Well, there was food there too, so let’s finish off with some food pictures. Yum!

Damn, I love hot dogs.

Jenna even brought some stovetop popcorn, which fascinated me to no end (I’m easy to please, fyi.)

Before:

These always remind me of the movie ‘Scream’.

After:

Being the old people we now are, the party broke up shortly after midnight. I’m going to keep this short because I have an early morning tomorrow with the Sunflower Festival parade and all that…I cannot wait! I WANT CANDYYYY!

Whistler in Hipstamatic

2011-07-17T23:59:00.001-07:00

With the excitement of Vegas subsiding and a large medical insurance claim still outstanding, July rolled around and we received some visitors of the Manitoba kind. One blustery weekend (yes, in July), we headed up to Whistler and I captured the day with my now-shoddy iPhone 3GS. Don’t laugh at me.

Snow storm in July. I was not appropriately dressed.

I got all patriotic feeling again and I almost started crying.

I want to go back when it’s not snowing…so, never?

(Day 4) Walter and I

2011-06-13T23:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I almost bled out. Today, it happened again. Did I die? No, but maybe I was close. This time though, instead of eventually running dry, I was left with one little vein that had just detached itself and hung there, seeping blood continuously. I decided it was time to head to the hospital as I did eventually need to get inside a pressure-filled airplane for the ride home later. Happy Birthday Janelle, I’m off to the hospital and the spa appointments are on hold.

Arriving in the lobby, I asked the doorman to summon me a taxi to take me to the hospital. Instead he summoned the house car, a black Mercedes S-Class driven by my new buddy, Walter. I sunk into the plush leather seats in the black as Walter soothed my worries with his kind words all the way to the emergency room.

The emergency room had one old couple in it and some chatty nurse-types in the check-in window. The whole process of hospital care in America was very different than I’m used to in Canada – zero privacy, brash personalities, and treatment by the Doctors’ Ph.D. students’ student assistant. Two full levels from a real doctor. The student guy looked like your regular, all-American football player in a doctors coat. He kept saying, “Mmmmmkay” after every answer I gave to his questions and he did not listen to my answers at all. And then he’d smile this really-toothy grin. I could hear him when he reported to his supervisor about me – he got so many things wrong. She then checked me out and had to school him on what he should have noticed. She then silver-nitrated the hell out of my nose, burning the skin around my nostril hole until it was black.

Then, after the doctor had eaten lunch and taken his afternoon nap, he came by to check it out and tell me that Vegas is ridiculously dry and I should lube up my nose with Vaseline next time. Then he sent me on my merry way to the cashier. $1,500 USD later, I’m summoning Walter again for my pick-up.

I arrived back at the hotel to find a disgruntled little Janelle packing up my crap. We checked out and then headed over to the Monte Carlo from exotic Subway sandwiches. After that was the spa appointments which were previously scheduled 20 minutes after the start my nosebleeds. The Chinese detoxifying foot spa treatment was glorious.

Three cheers for non-pedicure foot treatments! Ugh. Janelle and I both fell asleep.

After the spa came dinner at Wolfgang Puck Pizzeria & Cucina – both Janelle and I weren’t so impressed. We were just both feeling kind of nauseous at that point and the food was mediocre at best.

I ate a small bush.

If you know Janelle, the look says it all.

We spent our last minutes in Vegas at Aria, gambling. It was probably good that we waited until the last to do our gambling because Janelle got swept up into it so quickly. She won though, so I guess that’s when it’s good to be into gambling. I think I came away completely even. After trickling the time by, we headed home to the Mandarin to join Walter in the car one more time, for our final journey to the airport. I’m going to miss being chauffeured around.

We ate dinner number two at this little café completely staffed by little Spanish ladies wearing short striped dresses and white orthopedic runners.

And with that, we made it back to Bellingham (annoying partying cougar ladies in tow once again.) The guy at the border let me over with twice my exemption limit. And free health care abounds. I love Canada.

(Day 3) Bloody Sunday

2011-06-12T23:59:00.001-07:00

”That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas…”

The day started out reasonably normal – we were getting ready and I had just washed my hair, when every hole in my face started spilling blood (except my eyes – do they count as face holes?) Once I started to realize how much I was losing, I started to panic, which sent poor little Janelle into a panic. I made her pull out my health insurance card and call them, while I remained hovering about the bathroom sink. Two hours and an entire box of Kleenex later, I coughed up my last blood clot. Heavens! I really didn’t want to go to the hospital in America – they charge lottery-level amounts of money for just a glance. So we cautiously headed on our merry way, back onto the strip to explore on this (apparently) bloody Sunday.

We ate lunch at The Sporting House Bar & Grill at New York New York, for which I had the foresight to buy a Groupon. They had a TV at every table with every sport at your fingertips! This would be a good place to come to during playoffs…

We boarded the bus and headed out of town, into the desert. I wanted to go to this supposedly fabulous Designer Clearance store out in the annex of the outlet mall (touted as so fabulous in FASHION magazine), and so we trudged in the unrelenting heat where only tumbleweeds roam.

Sure, they had some Giuseppe Zanotti shoes and the occasional Proenza Schouler dress, but at $650, it was still a little steep. We drowned our sorrows with some super-super-sized Chilled Glaces at the nearest McDonalds. America, ya’ll.

We eventually made our way back into town, but not before Janelle managed to make friends with some creeper named Reggie at the bus stop. Why, Janelle, why oh why must you always make friends with some weirdies? This guy randomly asked her if she had any paper bills in the course of a “normal” conversation and she pointed out that he kept eyeing her LV bag. YEAH. Exactly why we keep to ourselves in America!

We took the bus down to the far end of the Strip where we finished yesterday and I gave in to my weak will against those ridiculous Linda Farrow glasses at Saks. Sheesh.

I was beside myself when I remembered that the Wynn houses one of the Alexander McQueen flagships – DEAD.

I didn’t buy anything…after all, I had already bought the Prada flats yesterday and the obscene Linda Farrow glasses today, so I just looked…with my hands…at every piece in the store. Seriously, running your fingers over Alexander McQueen creations is just a little bit glorious.

We finally managed to get some waitress to give us drinks when sitting in a casino! Janelle was thrilled so in order to keep the drinks coming, she gambled away $5 verrrry slowlllly.

The Palazzo and the Venetian were next…grandious as they were, the shopping malls were a little dearth.

Less humid than the real thing.

After battling the crowds at the Venetian for a place to eat, we settled for this little “al fresco” place…that we shovelled down at a record pace because our bus tickets were going to expire. Heh…

Once we made it home, we got ready for clubbing once again – the Sunday night spot in Vegas for sure has to be The Bank at the Bellagio…you’ll see why when you get inside…

We were on the guest list again and this time we were VIP’s…good taste, Bank! We danced for hours straight in the VIP section on top of a booth of some very accommodating Italian boys. It was everything you imagine Vegas to be – free-flowing Grey Goose, killer DJs, beautiful people, invites back to the Penthouse suite for the after-party (for real – lol), and dollar bills falling from the ceiling. Janelle and I, being the Mennonites that we are, grabbed a total of $52 between the two of us – only in Vegas. We danced well into the early hours of Janelle’s birthday – and what a party it was. We arrived back at the hotel room to take in the last night views of Vegas before our departure tomorrow.

(Day 2) Waking Up in Vegas

2011-06-11T23:59:00.002-07:00

Waking up in Vegas! Cue Katy Perry song. We slept in and eventually hauled ourselves out into the desert heat to enjoy one of Vegas’ many buffet offerings. MANY BUFFET OFFERINGS. Our selected winner rose through the ranks during my hours of online research and consumer ratings, thanks to Yelp. Meet the Wicked Spoon, at home in the Strips’ newest hotel, the Cosmopolitan.

Chocolate-covered strawberries for breakfast! Janelle was all embarrassed at me because I asked for a better seat than the waitress gave me initially. What? I’m in Vegas! My way or the highway! I should maybe keep the faces to myself tho…

The spread was impressive, but of course. The cool thing about this place was that they plate it all for you in junior-sized portions.

My gut isn’t as stretchy as it used to be. I only ate, like, three plates…in my prime I could easily do four or five. Wahhh

Satiated, we began our hotel tour from this point onwards. The Cosmopolitan was very trendy, colourful, and a-buzz with activity. From here we meandered next door to the infamous Bellagio.

An old guy was hovering behind us creepily when we were standing on the moving sidewalks heading into the Bellagio lobby. Suddenly he chats to Janelle that he thought the print on my dress was actually my body, covered in tattoos. Wow. I just…don’t even know what to say except ‘Ow, that would hurt.’

Just off the Bellagio’s lobby they have this bizarre little garden-like area that looks like Willy Wonka decorated it.

I don’t see Brad Pitt or George Clooney anywhere. I find this odd.

I did end up buying a lovely pair of shoes from the shops at the Bellagio…which wasn’t that hard, actually, when the customer service was so good and there were sales and everything…Next up was Caesar’s Palace and…more shopping. Heavens! I will be broke before we get two hotels in at this pace.

From the second Janelle saw the giant bongs (that’s what I called them because it’s what they looked like) being carried around by people, full of alcohol, she had been planning on getting at least one for herself. Finding our first outlet at Caesar’s, we splurged. And a splurge it indeed was –$23 for a double-shot bottle. Whoo!

Drinking while shoe-shopping at Burberry. Now THIS is a vacation.

We were going to go halfers on the black cape in the middle…had it not been desert-like conditions outdoors and had we been flush(er) with slot winnings.

Next door was the Mirage which I apparently didn’t care too much about since I only took one picture there of this stock market-esque gambling area.

I cared even less about Treasure Island (to be honest, the inside wasn’t pirate-y enough for me) and only took a picture of the exterior. At least it was relatively cool-looking.

We eventually made our way to the end of the strip (in my opinion) and arrived at the Fashion Show Mall – home to Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue – yay!

Though I had already splurged nearly a weeks’ salary on shoes, there is never enough shopping. The ladies at Saks got a real kick out of me trying on all these crazy sunglasses they just got in stock. Dress up at Saks!

The prices were…behooving. Linda Farrow is very proud of the sunglasses she makes.

We ate dinner at the food court in the mall and just sat, our butts sinking into the benches, dreading the walk back. We decided to hunt for a bus stop and ended up boarding the Strip Express for a ride home. Ahhhhhhh.

We were on the guestlist for Eve that night but decided to be lazy and just go to bed early. I opted to take some photos of my lovely new shoes.

That purchase should have been enough, but I couldn’t get those crazy sunglasses out of my head…

(Day 1) The Desert Oasis

2011-06-10T23:59:00.004-07:00

Vegas, baby. I was supposed to head to Tokyo again in June to celebrate Janelle’s birthday in an all-out, city-wide rager. However, due to her early expatriation, she was now in Canada and we were plan-less. We tossed around ideas about Seattle or Whistler for a weekend, but one night while we were chatting on the phone, we happened to book a weekend in Las Vegas. And so, we went.

Janelle and I had actually visited Vegas together some 20-ish years ago, but the only thing she remembers is finding a stuffed animal underneath our van and all I mostly recall is eating lots of yogurt at the Circus Circus buffet and being trapped inside the stairwell of a parkade. Oh, and also standing outside a gambling area with my sister while my parents played slots. Something tells me it will be a lot different this time around.

My aunts agreed to take me and Janelle to the airport, stopping at Red Robin for some pre-Vegas-party eats.

The Bellingham airport is SMALLLL – you end up waiting for your plane inside of a little double-wide mobile. We had to put up with a (what I assume is usual) rowdy group of 30s/40s women heading off on a girls weekend – and started getting their drank on a lil early. They also appeared to think they were some sexy cougars or something. Barf in my mouth.

So fresh-faced!

The flight wasn’t super long and the gang on the plane certainly was aware we were headed to Vegas. The bathrooms were among the dirtiest ever for an aircraft and there were a group of jocks shouting “GO CANUCKS GO” prior to landing. It was like a flying party bus.

Needless to say, it was effing hot the second we stepped out of the airport. We boarded the shuttle and made our way down to the strip and our hotel, the Mandarin Oriental. Tucked behind a small cluster of shops, the entrance to the Mandarin appeared to be little more than an elegantly-appointed empty room. Oh what? There is a sky lobby on the 22nd floor? And velvet benches in the elevator to rest our weary bones? Ok. Welcome to Vegas!

It was nearing six in the evening, so I expected no problem in checking in…but the guy said the manager was still inspecting our room (to make sure it was perfect, naturally), and said we had to wait. Of course, I immediately got a tiny little bit huffy since I was hot and tired so he quickly soothed our pain away by offering us free drinks in the bar while we wait. YAY! Two $20 glasses of frou-frou champagne drinks and $12 bite-sized hamburger sliders later, and we were enjoying the good life on top of the Vegas strip. Why did it take me so long to come here? Geeze. Been around the world and didn’t realize what was in my backyard. Sad.

Our front desk guy came into the bar to tell us our room was ready and at our leisure, we headed down to the 10th floor to check out our digs. Our bags had been sent ahead already, of course. Why does this feel like ridiculous luxury? Our room did not fail to impress. Upon first entry, the curtains opened, the TV and lights turned on, and oriental music started playing. Is this normal?

For me, the highlight of the room was the bathroom – marble tile, dual sinks, soaker tub, TV in the mirror, frosted glass walls – SICK!! A nice bathroom wins my heart every time.

And then there was my boudoir…

And the view…

After settling in quite comfortably, we headed next door to the Monte Carlo in search of dinner. We have a long night ahead of us.

We wandered from the Monte Carlo (where we stopped an Asian guy in a Canucks jersey to find out the outcome of the game. Go Canucks!) over to Aria and then on to City Centre and Crystals mall. Everywhere we went, it was like we were on uppers. We never planned on leaving Vegas.

After gawking at all the gorgeous merchandise at Crystals, we trudged back to our hotel to do some gawking of another kind. There was a Bugatti just sitting outside the Mandarin. Just. Sitting. There.

No big deal. We starting the primping process for our first night out at the clubs. Tonight was the clubs at the Palms, which was ridiculously out of the way and going to cost us an arm and leg in taxi fare. Lame. At least the clubbing part was free since I got us on the guest list. Thank you, Chris Hornak!

We hit up Moon, the Playboy Club, and Rain – each full of chauchy wannabe Italian types. LOL! At least it would be lol if it wasn’t so gross. The dance floors were packed, each with guys drunker than the last. The highlight of the night for me was when they shot off the giant fireball at Rain. Heading to bed tonight brought new meaning to the term fall asleep. It’s only day one…Vegas is going to chew me up and spit me out. I’m looking forward to it.

Hooker Harvey's

2011-05-23T23:59:00.004-07:00

Sunday morning in my brain always equals a brunch buffet. And so I Googled an all-you-can-eat spectacular in Toronto and it directed me to the feast in the heart of the Distillery district at The Boiler House. Thankfully, my hosts were game to jam down some eats and wander around the old distillery on a crisp (thank you Lord!) morning, my last in Toronto.

A lot of pretentious diners, as well as wait staff, were present. We must have been unsightly because they stuck us in a completely different restaurant altogether, which was attached to The Boiler House at the rear. We sat in the rear. Nice.

This sign was near the bathrooms. I should have sounded my horn.

After I had finally distilled enough of my breakfast from my gut (wha?), we headed to this ghetto little beach out in an industrial area.

Koo. After the beach, we headed back into downtown (SPADINA. SPADINA STATION.) but not before driving past the ‘Hooker Harvey’s’. We drove especially out of the way, just so I could see it. But (sadly?) there were no hookers present.

A friend of Shannon’s said that she thought I would like Kensington, so we elected to see that next. They’d never been either, so in our innocence, we headed into this bohemian village. I found it just as disconcerting as Camden Market in London. Do I seem I’d like that, really? It seemed like all a lot of the shop vendors were on drugs.

I do, however, love street art.

We managed to escape Kensington not high, and not a moment too soon. Shannon loudly proclaimed she never wishes to return, and…yeah. Onwards.

We headed down Queen’s Street to see the Much Music building, the epicenter of my teenage ambitions. I was wholly disappointed. The building was boring, nothing was happening, and the Much sign had long since been taken down. Where do I sign up to dance on Electric Circus?

Last stop on this crunk adventure was the CN Tower. I needed some “Oops I Crapped My Pants” when it came to the glass floor though. Shizz!

With my legs now seizing-up from days of relentless walking, we rode the trolley car back to the carpark, sipping on Chilled Glace all the way. UGH. LOVE CHILLED GLACE.

Dinner was at this cute little Italian place called Paisano’s and then we drank ourselves silly before heading to bed…only to get up at like, 5:30 AM to head over to the airport. I was still…maybe two sheets…but the long flight home was sobering enough. I’ll be heading back there soon enough…providing the city will still have me!

Chilled Glace

2011-05-21T23:59:00.001-07:00

MAY LONG WEEKEND. Can you guess what the traffic is like leaving Canada’s largest city on a long weekend? Well, there were a lot of Chinese people pulled over on the shoulder, and that didn’t help at all. Our destination was accordingly busy, considering it is arguably Canada’s biggest tourist attraction, Niagara Falls. Also, it was filled to the brim with drunk American teenagers! Yay for a three-years younger drinking age…

First stop was Starbucks to hand over my hard-earned dollars for fraps at inflated prices. Mmmm java chip.

Wow, Niagara is sure a tourist-trappy place. Once you get to the falls though, it’s nothing but nature. That, and a representative from nearly every ethnic group on planet earth.

We decided to brave the falls and suited up for a journey on the Maid of the Mist. Before the trip, I wasn’t sure if we’d go on the boat or not, so I didn’t pack appropriately. But how bad can it be?....I thought to myself as they hand me a full-body hooded blue poncho…

Adults. Yes.

It was a race to get a spot on the railing and we weren’t nearly aggressive enough when getting on the boat. But the falls are big, so we should be able to see. We puttered off on our journey.

I look like a little kid.

Thanks to Shannon and Brent for all these pictures of me in my blue poncho!

The voyage was…like riding into the eye of a hurricane. I thought I’d get a good look at the falls from up close but turning my face towards the fall was like burying my head in a bucket of water. All I could do was try to seal off all entrances to my poncho to save my Gucci bag from getting drenched. Eeeeeekkkkk!

This is pretty much the view for the whole time we bobbed in front of the falls.

lol Shan.

Like a turtle, retreating into my shell.

Shannon’s little finger windshield wipers.

And when the boat finally hightailed it out of there, I felt/looked/(smelled?) like a wet dog. Wow. What fun! Let’s stay on the boat for the next trip! Ha ha….?

We plodded our way closer to the falls and then things started to get a little hairy…er.

Clearly, for safety, one should not do whatever the man in the sign is attempting to do. But wouldn’t you know it…not 10 seconds after we saw the sign, the unthinkable happened…

It was perilous. I had to save her life. I’m kind of a hero now, but I don’t need medals or anything.

Ah, there are only so many pictures one can take of a large amount of water. Eventually we hiked up the hill back into town for some grub and then moseyed our way out of town for the long haul back to the big city. It was so hot.

That night I met my best friend who will be with me for life. Or at least for the summer – McDonald’s Chilled Glace. Shannon had told me about their Iced Coffee to which I responded, “I don’t do iced coffee and I don’t do McDonald’s.” She was so polite with my pretentiousness. Brent, however, ignored it and bought me one anyone. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! And the cup said “Chilled Glace”. So, that’s it’s name.

zomg

Shantario

2011-05-20T23:59:00.004-07:00

Shawn Desman wasn’t waiting for me at the airport (at least, not that I saw), but my dear old friend Shannon was. She had taken the afternoon off and chauffeured me and my giant suitcase through Toronto’s clogged expressways over to their cute little house at the end of a quiet street. We then hopped on the TTC and took it down to the ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) for some free history-ogling after 3:30 PM, EST.

We plucked through the jammed museum at a relatively rapid pace as I was kind of starving. I should have brought snacks. Wahhhh. The dinosaurs were my favourite. They always are.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

This guy is just kinda supa-ugly.

After escaping from the museum, we headed down into Yorkville to look at some overpriced clothes in shops and find sustenance. It was hot, so we journeyed up to the rooftop patio of Remy’s for pasta. Ahh…back in the land of patios.

We hauled our heavy bellies down Bloor and then down Yonge for the long haul over to Dundas Square. UGH. Such a long walk, what were we thinking? There were so many skanky shops along the way. But, I was experiencing Toronto! And besides the painful feet, I look back fondly.

We traversed Eaton Centre for hours before requiring a Frap-up from Starbucks. Then, we traversed some more. Eventually we resigned ourselves to the train ride home where I discovered Angry Birds. But since I suck at the game, the obsession didn’t last long.

The next day, with my hosts back at work, I journeyed over one stop to Yorkdale Centre. WTF TORONTO. What is with the heat everywhere? It’s humid and hotter than hades and yet even indoors, shopping at freakin’ H&M or whatever, I’m breaking into a sweat. Give me a break. But I digress.

Cute little house!

These deserted TTC hallways freak me out a little…

I had a disgusting lunch at Pickle Barrel Express – some smoked gouda wrap with cold eggplant or whatever. So gross. I should have just sprung for eating at the Rainforest Café. After wandering about and buying nothing, I settled for a Frocoa at Second Cup and some Textropolis on my phone. Now THAT is the good life.

Shannon picked me up when she was done work and we headed over to Pacific Mall (read: fake goods from China + Japanese cosmetics + cellphones + bootlegged Korean dramas). My kind of place.

Shannon treated me to some ball-waffle things and we both bought some completely authentic Chanel and LV scarves. Successful shopping trip!

We enjoyed a home-cooked dinner with a bottle of wine and caught up on the last handful of years of life. When Brent (Shannon’s other half) got home, I apparently talked his ear off. Sorry Brent! Get some wine into me and you’ll likely hear about all of my life plans. I wouldn’t make a good spy.

The next morning I wandered off downtown once again while the hosts worked, as I was determined to take home a Toronto memento. I hopped off at Dundas Square once again, and it was blistering hot with a little Canadian mayhem everywhere. The Times Square of the North.

I spent some time at The Bay on Queen Street and attracted quite a lot of attention from the staffers for my Comme des Garçons shoes – the one lady kept bringing more and more staff around as I perused the racks and we chatted about fashion. What a breath of fresh air! People who don’t think I look ridiculous…in Canada! I eyed some Junya Watanabe dresses up and down and gently stroked the fabric of some amazing coats, but I just can’t bring myself to spend that coin when I know I can run over to Japan and get them for less…and that damn HST in Ontario is 13 percent. Purchase killer.

After another Frocoa at Eaton Centre, I hopped on the TTC again and headed down to Bloor.

I plucked through Holt Renfrew on Bloor but I’m not going to lie – the customer service at Holt’s always turns me off. They are always filled with snobby people who cater to Asians. They only help you if you flag them down and even then they treat you with only feigned interest. Ick. One time I had tracked down a pair of Alexander Wang Ines shoes in my size at Holt’s in Vancouver and the guy who was “helping” me stared at his cuticles and the ceiling while half-heartedly telling me that the shoe (which was far too narrow) could be stretched and then it might fit, but of course, if it didn’t work, I’d be stuck with ill-fitting $500 shoes. Gee, thanks. But again, I digress. I did end up buying something at Holt’s in Toronto, but only because it caught my eye - a gorgeous, red and black Givenchy leopard-print scarf. The saleslady proceeded to wrap it around her own head before tucking it into a bag for me. Um, thanks.

It was Friday, so we headed out for a night on the town. We gussied ourselves up and headed down to the club district for dinner and drinks at Crocodile Rock. Yeah, that was the actual name. Sad. But again, PATIO!

I found this guy on the TTC. In case you couldn’t tell, he just gave off this “cool” vibe. Yeah.

We hung about until the dance floor livened up and I would have danced…had the game not been broadcast on the big screen. GO CANUCKS!

Yeah, they lost. Boo.

Chris was in town, coincidentally, the same weekend I was and stopped by the club to say hi. “Hi Chris! See you back in Vancouver!

Actually, that wave was for Shannon before she headed outside…so yeah.

What does one do after a night of drinking? Head for Asian soup, of course. Where in Japan I would always go for ramen, I now found myself wandering the streets of Toronto in the early hours looking for pho. Hook me up, Vietnamese people!

Next up, a long-weekend with the Bourne-Penner team. Tomorrow, Niagara Falls, then diving deep into Toronto sub-culture the day after. Ah, I miss our adventures already.

Senators Only

2011-05-18T23:59:00.006-07:00

I work with a few people who sound exasperated when they have to travel around the world for business. I get one trip a year, within in Canada, and I’m thrilled out of my mind. I can’t wait until I’m old and jaded like them. My trip this year was back to Ottawa, where I was two years ago for this same conference. I’m hoping for a repeat on my sweet room at the Westin. Surely the fates will look upon me favourably, yes?...

It’s no short flight across Canada, especially when coupled with a stop in Calgary. But after a hearty breakfast at Chilis in the airport (which I always want to call “chill-jeez” thanks to their logo) and the massive time change, we arrived in Ottawa late afternoon. (We, of course, means me and my flying compatriots from the Research office at work.)

Unlike two years ago when I reigned supreme up on the 18th floor or whatever, I was now stuck in a non-upgradable room on the 8th floor with two double beds. Woe is me.

Boo hiss boo! Strangely enough (isn’t it?), I was incredibly cranky when I realized the ho-hum-ness of my room. I couldn’t control it. I eventually trudged down to registration for the conference which was to begin the next morning at the hideous hour of something like 9 AM, and was faced with a packed elevator when I attempted to head back up to my room. An elevator jammed full of men in suits stared back at me as the door hung open and I mumbled for them to continue on without me. One man tucked a few rows back shouted, “You look nice!” The whole group smiled at me as the doors shut. Okay, I feel better now.

My compatriots invited me out for dinner in the Byward Market down the street and we ended up at this Irish pub because Brad wanted Guinness. Gross. However, they did have the most heavenly-smelling carrot cake ever made.

The next couple of days flew by in a blur of accounting, research, rain, and the sights of Ottawa.

On one afternoon in particular, I had a chance to swing by Parliament Hill to gawk at all the Canadian-ness.

I like to take pictures through the gate. You wouldn’t understand. It’s a parliament thing.

That’s meeeee! (someday)

The lone Quebec photo.

Tulip Festival at Major Hill Park.

I made my way home through Byward Market, which was a little more quiet this visit than my previous, two years ago. The crazy people were still out in full force though. Ottawa has a PILE of crazy people. And I’m not counting parliamentarians.

Oh! It’s that awful Zak’s place than Janelle and I visited last time.

On the Monday night of the conference, they have their big gala dinner and it is always a fairly reserved affair. But this year during cocktails, there was this pimp guy who kept walking around and changing his suit every three to five minutes into different colours. When you’ve had three glasses of wine, this becomes very interesting. When the doors to the banquet opened, there stood the pimp underneath the disco ball, spinning tunes and the room was covered in glow sticks. WHEEEE! It’s like a rave for old people!

Yvette, rocking the glowsticks. Being the young people at the table, our enthusiasm was quite amusing to the oldies. Mostly.

No good rave is without flashing jelly rings.

What can I say…at one point before dinner but after the conga line, we were all jumping up and down to ‘I Gotta Feeling’ by the Black Eyed Peas. As I looked down on this little older fellow with glasses jumping beside me, I realized I was in the twilight zone. Awesome.

On my last full day in Ottawa I cruised downtown to find their Holt Renfrew. After peeking through what appeared to be a glorified K-Mart-style basement shop, I bolted and decided on some street meat and poutine for lunch. YUM.

Represent.

Another night, another day, and I’m heading out of town in a taxi with a driver who is yelling at his son who needs to go to the dentist. Where does the time go?

Goodbye Ottawa, and on to the next segment of the adventure – in TORONTO! I’m coming Shawn Desman!

Not Ready for the Jelly

2011-04-30T23:59:00.001-07:00

Cowgirls of the world, unite! But I won’t join you. Because I’m not one. I’m just stuck in this horse-forsaken town. Or not stuck. Just visiting. Yay! Another day! We got up at a reasonable hour to take in some doughnuts with Sis’s friend Carlo. I like to say his name by, like, snapping my fingers and drawling it with a Spanish accent. I’ll do it for you sometime if you ask me nicely. We headed to this new joint, Jelly.

I don’t think I was ready…for this jelly. It was too bootylicious for me. I had this little breakfast box thing with a gross red delicious apple and some yogurt. The doughnut was decadent though – coconut custard. Yummo.

Sis had organized some sister time after brekkie, and so we headed out to some Winatoba-mall-like place for manicures. We couldn’t figure out how to get inside as the sign appeared above a Co-op store? Very bizarre. We just headed through the Winatoba hallway and, voila! Mani-pedi central.

This was the nicest they looked at any point. The polish, though shiny and glorious to start, refused to dry for a full 24 hours and thus I woke up the next morning with cute blanket-imprint lines. Yay.

Anyway, after the spa time, we headed to a sophisticated B lunch. We ordered requisite martinis and everything.

Our next activity came on like a Chinook. We jay-walked across the road from Sis’s house, to Chinook Centre, and tried some shopping. And then I saw more Calgary monstrosities. This city has much to learn about style.

Oi! My eyes are burning! Yeesh. See? Some girl with her pants down. Does looking at this display make you want to buy any of the items? Heavens to Murgatroyd!!

We headed out for a late dinner to Olive Garden, because it’s a classy establishment. And Sis wanted breadsticks. Turns out the Olive Garden in Calgary has some of the heavenliest goods as far as Olive Gardens go. I like that.

The next morning we decided to give 17th Ave another try. We sat on the patio at a pasta place and tried to enjoy some sun.

We then found another cat head shop. This time we went inside. It was pretty cat-heady.

A shoe store was selling United Nude shoes and I asked to try on a pair. I asked for a size and he brought out a pair. I tried to put it on my feet and it was clearly wayyy too small. I was like, ‘zugh? Why doesn’t it fit?’ And he was like, ‘ohh…I don’t actually have your size, but maybe a smaller one would fit..’ Idiot. I know how big my feet, are thx.

We parked near some hippies doing laundry.

Oh yes! Today was Easter too. Sorry, Lord. I didn’t really forget that you left the tomb. So let’s feast. Sis and I stocked up on goods at Superstore and cooked ourselves a delightful dinner to celebrate the occasion.

The night concluded with some wine swilling and the made-for-TV-movie about Will and Kate. He had soo much hair.

ilu pswilm.

Easter Monday we headed out to Kensington, where some lady told us (unprovoked) how to cross a street. Thanks.

Dinner was at a Chinese buffet since we thought we found one that wasn’t, you know, dumpy with loads of msg.

On the plane that night, I looked out the window and to my surprise, I thought another Westjet plane was flying right alongside us. YES. A BLONDE MOMENT.

Ha…ha?

I Went Easter

2011-04-29T23:59:00.001-07:00

Easter weekend is the slam-dunk holiday of the year! Boo-yah! I love it. Two stat holidays, back-to-back on either side of a weekend. What more can you ask for after a nearly-four month period in the desert of work? Every year I do something. And this year, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to head out to visit my sister in Calgary without taking a minute extra off work. I need those holidays for something yet-to-be-determined.

Thursday night I headed to Abbotsford airport amid the playoff series of the year: Canucks vs. Black Hawks. Of course, it was only game five and everyone knows how that series turned out, but the airport was a-buzz that night, with the guys on the PA randomly shouting, “GO CANUCKS!” lol

Almost every night is hockey night in Canada.

The flight is less than an hour so that’s a bonus. Also, they streamed the game live on the seat-back TV’s. I find it much easier to watch with no sound. Those announcers stress me out with their intonation.

Calgary arrived without delay and pretty soon Sis and I were off into the wild black (which would have been blue had it been daylight hours), whipping through the city her in ~~Sable~~ Buick Dynaride, stopping only to fill our bellies at Denny’s.

The next morning, I was like an eager kid to wake up and make my own breakfast – I do this at home but somehow it’s more fun when there is a Keurig at your disposal.

Sis obviously had no guilt sleeping when company’s over and I had to go get her to wake up around noon. That kid! We headed down to one of my favourite haunts, Holt Renfrew…where they ignored us and when they didn’t, were condescending ::shock::. We wandered around and fount a cat head shop.

A stint at the Bay also helped drive home the serious style of Calgarians. Please tell me no one actually wears these…

Dinner was a this pretentious place called El Sombrero on 17th for Mexican. The waitress was a massive b who might have spit in our food, though we were nothing but angels to her. Whatevs b.

Random duck

After a completely rocking trip to the Superstore where people would fart next to me in the spice aisle, we concluded the day. And so ends the first half of my adventure in the town populated by cows. Re-join the sisters tomorrow for part two as we eat donuts, get manicures, wreck them, and see a girl with her pants down in the mall. It totally happened. What.

Dace

2011-04-18T15:28:00.001-07:00

Things always pick up in April. Tax season. Boo. But it also means that my annual opportunity to lend my head for modeling purposes comes around. And finally, after years and years of failed attempts and no-shows, B and I managed to do it together…ish.

Prior years here, here, and here, this year was much the same as my prior two stints with KPSS (home of Goldwell and KMS) – get up at an impossible hour, get dolled up, and head into Coquitlam for the 9 AM model call.

They do the whole walk-around, talking about hair thing and when the dust settled, I was sitting pretty with Goldwell and Janelle with FI Hair. They got to work, furiously colouring and poking at our heads, mixed in with some food and copious amounts of sitting around. Ah, the glamorous life of models. lol

After seven hours, we were set free into the world with newly-coloured hair and a promise to show up at the big show the next morning at 7:30 AM for the next part. Ugh. Our next stop was downtown…and, I’m slightly embarrassed to say, a concert filled with screaming teenage girls (and some teenage guys.) Pimples, everywhere. We showed up at the box office two hours before doors opened to buy tickets and discovered a line-up of girls down the street waiting to rush inside. Right. We went off and enjoyed a leisurely dinner and headed back to the theatre five minutes before the show started. Because if there is anything I’ve learned, it’s to show up before your band plays.

Curious about the screaming girls? They were there for their hometown heroes, These Kids Wear Crows. Why was I there? Because their bassist is my boss’s son and I was showing support. Cue the dance-pop brigade.

These blurry and shadowy photos were taken with my iPhone from my plush seat in the back row. Gosh, I think I may actually like shows where I can have a comfy seat and an unobstructed view. Three cheers for the Vogue and a non-sold-out show.

Fefe Dobson was up next, but it was obvious the crowd had cleared out somewhat. I tried to stay as long as I could, but the interest simply wore off as she played on. I can’t care. Plus I gotta be up early. Later days, Fefe.

The next mornings’ wake-up call was as brutal as expected. Starbucks-less, we drove, parked, hopped onto the Skytrain, and trudged up and down the necessary escalators into the giant exhibition hall.

Where are all the bajillion Sun-Runners? Not that I’m complaining…

As with other years, there were some *ahem* annoying models who thought that being in a hair show made them real models now. There was even one lady who appeared to think she was the star of the show and proceeded to take and post photos on Facebook of her and the admittedly (and obviously) gay stylists to make her boyfriend jealous (and I quote.) Fill your boots lady.

Hat hair. Literally.

Could someone be updating their Facebook? *Ahem*

B was on stage first and was the star of her segment. Of course she was!

Chotto rock style! Yeah!

Next up was me, way upstairs in the educational theatre…did I mention this entire trade show is on the harbour in Vancouver? Gah. It’s amazing.

Before picture:

Action shot

Everyone is being educated by my head. It is always a painful experience.

Thanks to some excess chatting my stylists part, my haircut never got finished in the session and so I had to trudge back down to the trade floor with puffy, partially-styled hair. At a hair show. Embarrassing! But he finished the cut when we got downstairs. The cut was called ‘Dace’ and was explained as a helmet cut with some bang fringe coming out the front of the helmet. Here’s the pro shot:

And my version…

Um…I wish they had made it wavy like in the photo. Whatever. But I like it!

After stocking up on lots of cheap hair goods, we bid farewell to the crew and headed out into the seaside air for some dinner food. Turns out that the sweet Rogue bar in the train station had half-price pizzas on Sunday. Yesssss

So, in conclusion, I would like to say that I’m happy that they didn’t cut me a mullet. Again. They always cut me a damn mullet. Although I’m sure my hair will grow into one. It likes to look like a mullet, I think. See you next year!

EMOTION

2011-03-27T23:59:00.002-07:00

MxPx. I think that one word(? Is it?) should be able to tell you a large part of my history with my youthful punk-ness. To be honest, the last couple of years haven’t been so kind to my relationship with them. I lived, breathed, and died by them throughout high school, attending my first MxPx show back in 1999. Geeze Louis. I was in love with Mike Hererra (lead singer/bassist) for years, even asking his parents at a music festival if he had a girlfriend. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Fast forward 11 years and we are both married and they are playing a reunion show in Seattle. Seeing their e-flyer on Facebook, I messaged on over to Djds and she was up for the trip down without a moment’s hesitation. And why not make a weekend out of it? On the day of the show, we headed out early (in case the border guards were feeling prickly today) to get ourselves ‘southbound on I-5’. Turns out the border guy was all standard-critical until he got to the question of which concert we were going to. “Oh cool – I didn’t know they still played concerts.” Yesssss! MxPx for the win!

After a quick trip to the Bellingham Cost Cutter to pick up some cheap wine and snacks, we made a beeline for our hotel in Bellevue. Thanks to Priceline, I won the Hyatt for $90, all-in. Yesssss! Two hours later, we were settling in nicely.

The 18th floor view wasn’t too shabby, if you ignore the miles of pavement and squint to see the mountains in the distance. Whatevs. $90.

After lounging in the hotel room and generally being lazy, eating snacks, and pre-listening to MxPx for two hours, we dragged ourselves out into the world again and down the street to the big ol’ shopping mall – Bellevue Square.

EMOTION….THAT’S MY MIDDLENAME

After wandering the mall like proper Amurrricans (said with a southern accent), we settled for some hearty grub at the Cheesecake Factory. And everything I ordered tasted like crap. WORST.

Why did I order a Hawaiian pizza? Crap. Why did I order a key lime cheesecake? Crap. $25 later, I’m a little bitter.

After dinner we wandered back to our little home in the sky and slowly began preparations involving beautification. This is MxPx after all. We need to show them what they are missing! Confident that MxPx would close the show in a raging performance, we planned our entrance about an hour and a half after doors opened.

Yeah, it’s tall.

And the lobby looks like a forest.

Rock and roll ready!

The ugly twins, 2011.

After debating on taking the bus vs taxi, we decided that the bus schedule was too crappy and coughed up the $28 for the taxi ride downtown in a little green car with pumping bhangra tunes.

Strolling up the club quickly turned into a nightmare when I heard the bass strings of a late-in-the-album ‘Chick Magnet’. (The whole show was them playing my favourite album, cover to cover.) We were horrified. The door guy had to check our bags and then we had to present our tickets and all that regular crap which took what seemed like forever and we rushed inside into the sweaty crowd.

They played first.

And just like that, it was over. We caught about 30 minutes and the last six or so songs. Of course, that followed with a rendition of ‘Punk Rawk Show’, but it was of little consolation at this point. Thanks to Djds’ tenacity, we snaked our way through the crowd whenever there was a surge and ended the show next to the stage. But…WHY OH WHY DID THEY PLAY FIRST!!!

Some pretentious band wearing moccasins was up next and I can’t even be bothered to pay them the courtesy of typing their name here because they ruined my night with their simple existence! URRRRGGGHHH. Okay, I’m going to try to be mature here. We tried to stay and enjoy, but really the highlight of their set was Mike Herrera up at the merch booth in full sight of the club. After realizing that the teenage dream has died, we soldiered off into the night.

Since it was early, we started our hunt for the bus. I’m not coughing up another $28 for the ride home when the bus costs $1.50. After useless information from Seattle-ites left, right, and centre, we finally found a homeless lady with good info on how to get our asses back to Bellevue. Jen gave her a dollar and change. It was worth it because we finally found the bus stop and settled in for the wait.

After giggle fits, friendly transit staff, and zero homeless people lingering around, the bus came along and we boarded for the long, underground ride out of Seattle’s core. Once we arrived home, the next party began…

Too early to be in bed, we headed across the hotel plaza to the Joey’s for a nightcap. And what a nightcap it was – a double long island later (let’s not forget the bottle of wine from earlier), I was happy and the sad memories from the ill-timed concert were gone. At least something turned out the way it should have! After our sufficient messiness, we headed up and fell asleep to the oh-so-appropriate ‘Hangover’ movie on the TV.

Ah, morning cracked and we headed out for some morning shopping at the World Market on the corner. I bought several things – cocktail wieners from Germany, martini glasses, a proper bottle opener, bulgogi sauce – but there was one item I didn’t buy which caught my attention the most:

WHAT ON EARTH? Microwaveable spotted dick. Yum.

After the crappy dinner I had last night, I had high hopes for lunch. We went to this Japanese place called ‘boom’ and after hearing assurances from the waiter that their food tastes like it does in Japan, I ordered the tonkatsu curry.

Two fatty pieces of pork later, I couldn’t be more disappointed. Again. It did not taste like Japan. I’d take CoCo Ichi over this any day.

All in all, food aside, the weekend kicked a lot of ass. Djds and I hadn’t taken a trip to see a show since, well, 2001, when we drove seven hours down into Minnesota after one of my night shifts to see the Warped Tour. Djds and I reminisced that a lot had changed since then – we’ve gone from working like mofo’s at our minimum-wage jobs, driving down in some ratty old car, sweating in the sun at punk shows without being able to afford so much as a water (despite buying band t-shirts), and then driving home again that same night because were too poor to take a day off or pay for a hotel (and sleep in the car, if we must.) Our punk shows now involve Audis, Hyatts, wine, and stylish restaurant meals with a dessert selection. But…at least we are still going.

As one of our old band songs go, “I wanna rock and roll until the day I die”…so far, so good.

Island in Hipstamatic

2011-03-17T23:32:00.003-07:00

With my parents out and my little sister back on stable ground, I took a day off and we all headed out to Vancouver Island. And thanks to some poor planning, we left around 9:00 AM and arrived in Victoria around 2:00 PM. What. Yeah, apparently it takes five hours if you take public transit once you’ve reached the island because the bus goes on the damn milk run. But! This time was more than adequate because I get bored in Victoria easily, unless I have some set plan.

The only thing I wanted to do was eat at Red Fish Blue Fish and then bum around. So, we did. And I captured the majority of the fun using my phone. Here we go!

At the fudge shop, we found a lady who knew how to play the Mennonite game. And it turns out she was my Dad’s cousin. Mennonites.

2011-03-16T15:40:00.000-07:00

Like I’m sure it has for a lot of people, the last week has been extremely difficult for me, attempting to grapple with the reality that my favourite country (outside my own) has been crippled and is suffering. Each day I’m glued to the Internet, clicking on refresh every few minutes like it’s a nervous tick.

Beyond worrying about my friends who are attempting to go about life in the most normal way they know how, I’m just at a loss for words. My little sister hung on for dear life through the earthquake and hundreds of aftershocks that followed and continue to pound Japan. She’s made her way home to Canada now, and not a minute too soon. With tales every day of radiation snaking its way into Tokyo, I’m just fearing what comes next. If you are reading this, you are likely already aware of my fondness for Japan, as displayed by the significant number of blogs and days dedicated to documenting my travels there. Will it ever be the same again? I hope so. I don’t want to sensationalize it, and I’m not there, so I can’t know. But when you see pictures of people trying to escape, it lends to thinking things are going to turn for the worst.

The last blog I wrote was about my last day in Japan in January. Who knew that 2011 had this in store? It’s been a turbulent year so far and we aren’t so far yet. I AM PRAYING FOR JAPAN. With every thought!

(Day 17) Jama Da Yo

2011-01-03T23:59:00.001-08:00

The day has dawned, once again, on which I will I will depart the country. Get that ol’ stamp in the passport. My head feels funny from the late night/early morning and copious amounts of alcohol. I’ve somehow conned the front desk staff into holding our bags for the next few hours while we traipse through the city one last time. I have a few last-minute items to pick up.

Oh Akasaksa Sacas. Akasakasakasu. Say it three times fast.

Since our heads were a little bubbly, we headed to Shibuya for some lunch and black harem/shorty-diaper pants from CdG that I’ve been pondering.

The place we ended up at was called Venuto and it was like, half Chinese, half Italian. They had all-you-can-eat salad bar with pasta for 900 yen. Yesh preese.

After Shibuya we headed to Harajuku and I got really pissed off because they made us get off on the other side of the train which led into Meiji shrine. THE HERDS! I started to get a wee bit frustrated with people and vowed my departure from this forsaken place would not be without its own joys. And at this moment I realize I take after my father. Bah. But seriously. You had to wait to walk down the street. It was that full.

We headed back to the hotel to grab our bags and part ways. I wanted to get a final picture of Janelle, but she was having none of it. Or was she just so sad and going to miss me?

Goodbye my love! And with that I headed up to Nippori to catch a new airport train (for me, at least), the Keisei Skyliner. It was cheaper-ish.

And with that, I hauled my junk back through Narita airport once again. I had a bit of money to burn, so I ended up eating some really yucky dinner set at some little food shack.

Not oishii.

I got a little choked up when I was heading down to customs and the sign read “Hope to see you again”. I spent my time waiting for the plane in the gift shop, trying to spend my change. I win! I came home with exactly 1,600 yen.

So that was my last trip to Japan. It was supposed to be my last trip for a few years, and it very well might be. You see, the jury is still out on whether I can pull together enough shekels to make the true last journey in late May/early June. I’m not sure this crazy Japanese adventure will have a sixth sequel. Stay tuned.

(Day 16) A Madhouse

2011-01-02T23:59:00.002-08:00

How is it that I’ve come to the last day of the trip and I still haven’t got a lick of the souvenirs I’m supposed to buy? Worst. Oh yeah, I haven’t because I never know what to buy people. Why do I still bring souvenirs from Japan anyway? I’ve been here five times in four years. I set a bad precedent. Lame.

Today we were meeting up with Maya in Omiya, wayyy wayyy up in Saitama. We grabbed lunch at our local CoCo Ichi and it was, as usual, delicious.

Omiya was uneventful except that everyone and their dog was out shopping for fukubukuro and new years items. You see, all of Japan pretty much is on holidays the first few days of January. Get ready for sardine ni kanjiru (feel like a sardine.)

We shopped a bit more at the Parco in Urawa before heading to Maya’s homestead for dinner, provided by her gracious Mother, Tomoko.

Kind of after the fury…I know that plates drizzled with puddles of soy sauce isn’t exactly picturesque.

The bizarre little fishes that Japanese people eat. I don’t get it.

After dinner at Maya’s, we always watch some TV. And it’s strangely addictive. Janelle just made herself right at home and curled up on the couch for a nap…and she tends to sleep with her mouth open, so naturally I assume there was some drooling…?

We partook in some chocolates that I had brought over as a gift – so…this picture isn’t actually Japanese anything at all, as the chocolates were made in Coquitlam.

We eventually bid our hosts adieu and headed back into the big city. Next, we powerhoused ourselves into looking right fit for our last night on the town. Roppongi, here we come for the last hurrah…

Our last night was full of drinks and dancing and me, kind of singing all loud-like against the back wall of the VIP. Strange. Janelle got all strange and huffy and I had to go look for her outside, huddled against the wall in the alley. Some shacho bought her a hot coffee from the machine. Uneventful, sadly. We headed for our last nani ramen and called it a night. Oh yeah! Some blonde Australian boy snuck into the VIP to talk to me too. That was kind of hot or whatever. HA HA! He said he had a “real job” and I was like, “me too!” And he was totally in Finance too. We must have looked funny.

So that was it. Bye Lex.

(Day 15) For Relaxing Times...

2011-01-01T23:59:00.003-08:00

Akemashite omedetou. I’m not writing that in hiragana because that’s so yesterday. So we’ve officially entered 2011 with this entry. Mind you, we kind of missed the first light of day because, well, we were sleeping as per usual. So, we were up and at ‘em for dinnertime. And where do we eat the first supper of the year? At our now-favourite buffet spot on planet earth, Bitter Sweets Buffet.

So it was really odd to be in Shinjuku today…the streets were mostly deserted, nearly all shops and restaurants were closed, and…Studio Alta was black. It was like the rapture came on New Year’s Day.

Eiji texted Janelle and wanted to meet up a bit later, so to kill time, we did the usual.

Utahiroba!

No trippy hallucinogenic fluorescent paint here…but a nice view of the street eight floors below. All my fans were gathering around, so I sang to them from above. Like an angel.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA soooo terrible. I laugh everytime.

After singing our voices dry, we enjoyed a nice stroll through the Southern Terrace’s Christmas light celebration.

For a country that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, they sure do a nice job of pretending.

When the time came to meet with Eiji, he grabbed and threw us in a taxi and we rode up the road to the swanky, I’ve-always-wanted-to-go-there, Park Hyatt Tokyo. And it’s totally like it is in ‘Lost in Translation’ – the service is flawless.

Ahhhhhh! Wait a minute. Lest you think this post is about to take a turn for the freaky-deaky, we weren’t coming to the hotel to get a room. Oh gosh, that didn’t even occur to me until I wrote the above. No, we are here to visit the New York Bar on the 52nd floor. It’s like, no big deal, or whatever. But…HUGE deal.

That green concoction is a Greven and the crazy delicious. Cheapest drink on the menu was 1,600 yen (~$19.) Yup. And there’s also a 2,200 yen (~$25) cover charge. Yup. But there’s also smooth jazz and a whackload of whities. No Bill Murray.

After Eiji took care of the bill (I LOVE YOU EIJI), we headed down to the 41st floor to partake in more libations. No amount of libations is enough today. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Because this is what “rich” people wear drinking.

More champagne, mimosas…more laughter. I do believe there is a connection.

After Eiji took care of the bill (THANK YOU EIJI. DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE YOU.), he threw us in a cab again and we headed over to Akasaka where we decided that some karaoke would be nice because Eiji really wanted to sing some Fukuyama Masaru (and Lady Gaga.)

He told Janelle she smelled better than the best tuna. He told Janelle she smelled better than Tom Cruise. It was hilarious. We put poor little hammered Eiji in a cab and sent him on his way, hoping he’d make it home. Poor lil guy.

Tomorrow we hanging out with my second family, the Suzuki’s, and do a bit of shopping before rolling it all up for one last rager in Roppongi. Giddyup.

(Day 14) Helping Johnny Pay His Bills

2010-12-31T23:59:00.002-08:00

NYE. The last day of the year. We’ve arrived. It’s a good time to reflect, no? 2010 began with slightly less than a *poof* in my parents farm house in snowy Manitoba. I was reading my old school diaries to my older sister who was laughing so hard I think she almost peed. It was pretty funny. The year itself was fairly uneventful – no job changes, home changes, friend changes – but I did discover where my next major stop in life is going to be. So while 2011 won’t be the year to bring that about either, it will come eventually. Also, I finished school this year, which is monumental. I get a least a few letters behind my name for that. But right now, I’m closing 2010 in this crazy city, so let’s focus on that for today.

We woke up this morning and casually discussed going to the major Johnny Countdown concert at Tokyo Dome tonight. And then we decided that we should go. It was that simple. Now the small matter to find some tickets… But first, ramen in Shibuya.

Oh Ichiran, let me have your babies.

After lunch, I bought the exact sweater I’m wearing as I write this (though it is actually Marty’s) and then we busted over to Harajuku to procure the aforementioned Johnny tickets. And I grabbed a crepe along the way just for the hell of it.

So…after wedging ourselves into Gorakudoh’s ticket shop (glorified scalpers) along with a bucket-load of tweens, we escaped with two overpriced tickets in hand. Instead of crowding around the display case, we went straight to the counter to buy. And so we beat everyone to the bunch. Hah! Suckas. Then we hunkered down for some Sutaba.

Whoooo! Johnny’s Countdown 2011, here we come!

We were still lazy bones, so we killed time at the killing-time parlour again.

Hallucinogenic qualities.

So eventually the hour arrived and we prepped for the long night ahead. Janelle was pondering our opportunities for imbibing alcohol and was attempting a stealthy sneak-in into the arena.

Good hiding spot. They’ll never notice it there.

So we headed to Suidobashi and followed the masses up and out onto the streets. We then had the foresight to grab snacks before heading inside, so we joined the 40-strong queue at Family Mart. But damn, they are fast. We were out in about five minutes. Then, into the dome.

As you can see, our noses were practically bleeding and we were in the first floor stands – there were two sections above us yet! Turns out they don’t care if you bring food and booze in – only cameras. Oh Johnny. The poor, poor girls who landed behind us must have been a total of four and a half feet tall…though they were a step above, we were still taller than them. They kept saying ‘mite nai!’ (‘I can’t see!’) Sorry, girls.

Now let me put things into context. I’ve been watching this countdown on the internet for a few years now and it really is the event of the year for this stable of Japanese male idols. Hence the inflated ticket prices. But this year had lost a certain ‘oomph’ because a bunch of groups weren’t in attendance. The screaming wasn’t any quieter though.

My baby, stuffed away at their concert in Osaka. They really needed to show more of them on the big screen.

The big moment arrived…

There it is – the first moments of 2011, rang in while breathing the same air as 60,000 other people. Yippee! But I was disappointed with the lack of hugging and general goodwill people show when a new year is born. How sterile these people are…but I hugged Janelle with abandon.

The reason for cheaper tickets this year. Thanks for not showing up, Arashi.

Cute!

Aaaaaand, scene. I didn’t get any close-ups of individual hotties because the zoom is really kind of sad on my lovely camera. And they were moving around wildly. And it was dark. And we were far. So, excuses. And then we all shuffled down to the subway to wait in the congestion for the single train that comes each hour. C’mon Tokyo. If you are going to run the trains all night, RUN ALL NIGHT.

Our next stop was Roppongi. Drunkards littered the streets and the train stations bathrooms were the grossest facilities I have ever encountered. And that’s saying a lot. Puke in the sinks, toilet paper and pee on the floor…if you’ve been to a public bathroom in Japan, you’ll know that this is quite a departure from the norm. Oh and ps, I was sick with a crazy-nasty cold that night and so I didn’t drink at all. And so I didn’t even have the alcohol to temper my grossed-outed-ness.

We headed to Lex to find a massive crowd brimming in every direction. I made it as far as the bar before I turned back and headed outside. Not a single person could move inside. Fire hazard! I was kind of crabby and so we just headed home. Well, not quite. We made it back to Akasaka and then searched for food. We found that Matsuya place which is ridiculously cheap, but the food was crap. Oh well. Happy New Year.

(Day 13) Duh Outlet

2010-12-30T23:59:00.002-08:00

I could have not felt more like the walking dead if I was dead. We picked something stupid – like the 8:45 bus. UGGGGHHHHHH. I think we were in bed by, like, 4:30 last night. I’m tired just hearing me talk/write about it. Worst. Shinjuku was still really dead since nothing opens until , like, 11, so we zombie-walked around trying to find food. Janelle wanted curry. What? Let’s just get on the bus and melt into sleep in the stiff seats.

I’m glad to see my ex is still getting work. I ain’t mad atcha Ryuhei!

The ride was a bit short of two hours where we switched buses onto the outlet’s shuttle bus. The shuttle was standing-room only, and somebody kept jamming their bum into mine and someone (else?) kept farting. Worst. The road was also full of twists and turns and so…yeah. You can imagine.

It is so damn cold out here in the middle of Shizuoka. And the strollers were out in full force. Outlet mall = strollers. Again, worst.

So I want to start off by saying I had high hopes for this outlet mall. Very high. Astronomical. There were outlets from a pile of my faves: McQueen, Gucci, Miu Miu, Maison Martin Margiela, Moschino, CA4LA, Tsumori Chisato, Yohji, Vivienne, and the list goes on. But I bought nothing. Do you know why? Because sale prices in Japan SUCK. I know I ranted about this at the Isetan sale, but it really is too bad. Also, the McQueen outlet was a single rack of XS shirts in the back corner of the YSL store. Ugh. Sadness all around. At least I got a closer look at Mt. Fuji, which has been evading me forever. Today too though…damn clouds.

We are surely in the sticks.

We boarded the mid-afternoon bus for home and arrived back in the city at dinner. We were still absolutely dead, so we walked a few feet and rested for dinner in some basement at a cheapo pasta joint called La Pausa.

After picking up some goods at Uniqlo, we headed home and did NOTHING this evening. Went to SLEEP. This was short but its fine because tomorrow is NYE…and we’ll be out. Maybe there will be a special New Year’s surprise? Maybe we’ll go to something? Maybe.

(Day 12) Crazy 88's

2010-12-29T23:59:00.001-08:00

The late nights are starting to take their toll. Generally, I look like death most of the time and I’m always starving. So we crawled out of bed and headed out for a late lunch to Lumine in Shinjuku again. We were going to try for Bitter Sweets again (HA!) but they were closing up for the lunch hour so we checked out every damn restaurant on the 7th and 8th floors before decided on Wolfgang Puck’s. The line was the shortest.

After helping us figure out how to buy bus tickets to get to the outlet mall in Gotemba (which is beyond difficult, thanks Odakyu), we had to say goodbye to Yukimi-chan. She is so adorable! It better not be the last time I see her…in life.

Not knowing how in the world to get to Nishi-Azabu, we started our journey early. We took the train to Roppongi and just ended up using our legs to get us there. It worked. On the way we encountered:

I’m not sure what this means.

We found our destination on Azabu crossing and since we were over an hour early, we moseyed up to the coffee shop on the adjacent corner for some sitting and drinks.

This is what a $7 hot chocolate looks like. Then they tried to charge an additional 25 yen. WHAT. I made Janelle make them fix it.

Our buddy Eiji suggested randomly to go to Gonpachi in Nishi-Azabu for dinner. Have you seen ‘Kill Bill’? And how did he know I’ve kind of always wanted to go here? Well, me and the rest of the whities in the restaurant.

To clarify: This restaurant was NOT in the movie This restaurant (heavily) influenced Quentin Tarantino’s version that DID appear in the movie. That was a set. That’s why they could cover it in gallons of blood. Just so we are on the same page.

We ate and ate all this little izakaya junk that they serve and then we hopped in a taxi and booted it over to Shinjuku…were we drank wine in the coolest little bar I’ve ever been in. Like, so rad.

The whole place sat maximum 20-ish people. Quiet, hip, and the waitress wore a tux. It was dark and the toilet lid closed itself. My kind of place.

He’s a regular here.

Some chocolate the waitress just made for us. Right then. Like, a minute or two prior to the photo. And it was good. Ugh! So hip. Eiji kept telling me that there is no visible discernable difference between me and Elin Nordegren. Why yes, he was very drunk – how could you tell?

After imbibing a significant portion of wine and other-ish beverages, I was a little zupped. So then we, of course – say it with me – went home and prepared for another night out in Roppongi.

So tonight is the last in our 4-day stretch. Let’s see…we drank with our new friend Atsu in VIP after he bought us some champagne and then some Zimas! That’s about it. And then we had some nani ramen. Some boys at the ramen shop were very fascinated by us. The one kept kissing my gloved hand saying, “I love you”. HAAAAA this never gets old!

(Day 11) Bitter Sweets

2010-12-28T23:59:00.002-08:00

Last night left us apparently completely incapacitated. We managed to get ourselves presentable enough to leave the house at around 3 PM today. This is getting bad – we come out as the sun goes down. I guess we were tired.

We had time to kill before meeting Yukimi at our station, so we headed into Japan’s #1 time-waster, karaoke.

I love how Karaoke Kan’s rooms are always like an acid trip.

Aw yeah. Singing songs from high school dances circa 1999.

After grabbing Yukimi at the station and dropping her stuff off at our place, we booted it over to Shinjuku for some dinner at the Bitter Sweets Buffet in Lumine.

This place is mint. Like, best casual buffet in my life yet. They had all kinds of wafu pasta, curry, small breaded corn bite things, potato sticks, and, of course, some sweets. But…they weren’t bitter…?

Yukimi-chan

Why yes…those are bejewelled cobwebs on the ceiling.

Of course, this is me taking a picture of myself eating as shown by my reflection in the mirror on the ceiling.

After stuffing ourselves fuller than a Cornish game hen on Cornish game hen day at the cafeteria, we headed home and slowly started gussying ourselves up for another night at the club named after the villain from Superman.

So the night started off harmless enough until I got dragged into VIP by some crony who was scouting for women for his boss or whatever by telling me “BIG MONEY”. He shoved me at this guy in the corner and said ‘ikemen’ (good-looking guy). AWKWARD. I totally sat on the couch farthest from him which earned me an immediate spot on the ikemen’s rejection list. I was then dragged back out of VIP and told to “go dance”. How rude. Did they think I was some kind of prostitute or something? Then later some old guy invited me into VIP to drink with him and I could bring my friends (“Woman OK. Man, not OK”) and so in we went. Whatever. He was a total loser (I mean, of course, right) who kept asking both me and Janelle if he could be our boyfriend. We ditched him and that was pretty much the excitement of the night. Not our best night, to say the least. But that won’t stop us from returning tomorrow. YES. We are crazy.

Also tomorrow we hang out with Eiji from Mistubishi that we met last week. This involves eating at the restaurant from ‘Kill Bill’ (aka Gonpachi in Nishi-Azabu.) And drinks. Those are always fun.

(Day 10) The Mondays

2010-12-27T23:59:00.002-08:00

Hiya! This is how perky I am after a 5 AM bedtime, waking up (chotto hungover?) to checkout of our hotel by 10 AM, loading up our heavy sacks, hiking 15 minutes westward, and dropping them in a freshly-cleaned smoking room. Ohayou gozaimasu yourself.

I never did show you our little hole/hotel room as a whole, did I? Well, the one-dimensional shots was pretty much it. It was TINY. Our new abode across town was much spacious-ier.

WMT, we’re back!

So, by 11 AM, we were (kind of) awake, so we decided to head out and try and have some fun. Because of the drinking (again), food was the first order of the day. What’s good? Hey…I know of a place. It’s called Rat-Face Café.

Incognito. And some rude guy to the right.

Since we were now in Harajuku anyway, we decided to do what we do best on days like today – BUM AROUND.

Did you notice? This trip has been without a significant pile of crepe wrappers falling at my feet. Let’s begin to remedy that. What’s that? I just ate at a buffet at Rat-Face? I know, but c’mon. I gotta jam it down. I’m not going to be in Tokyo forever.

Skating just wasn’t as interesting today. The Christmas/funny crowd had retreated to ground with greater traction and the numbers dwindled. Boo. Oh yeah… I also bought a pair of Comme des Garçons shoes. Yay! The guy who sold them to me looked totally homeless-chic and was very nice…until he handed me my bag over the counter. Je’m’excuse? I’m sorry, but when I drop that level of coinage, I expect a full walk to the door, then outside before handing me my bag and bowing profusely as I turn my back and walk away. And if I happen to turn back, you’d better still be bowing. Sheesh. The manners really need some work these days.

Dinner was on the cheap today at Akasaka’s local CoCo Ichi. Yummo!

And then…we napped. Seriously – we slept from like, 6:30 until around 9:30 and then dragged ourselves out of bed to prepare for another night of clubbing. Laugh with me.

Consecutive day two of partying was more eventful AND relaxing (?) than the first. Some guys outside of the club were reeeeally happy when we arrived and the one guy kept saying to me, “You are f***ing hot. You are f***ing hot. You look like my next girlfriend.” Ahhh HA HA HA HA HA. No word of a lie. We were graciously invited to partake in libations with T-Shacho who kept us in bevvies all night long. Some actor guy who shall not be named (unless you ask me in person – but there’s a 99 percent chance you don’t know the guy anyway) came in and was like, duh-RUNK! out of his mind. He was at our table because I guess he knew the Shacho, and was falling all over us as he was climbing over the benches and doing tequila shots and whatever. And the he kept trying to make out with all the guys at the table and surrounding areas – much to their chagrin. Geeze. And then we met some soccer guy who totally snubbed us on another night. What a j-hole. What? No need to sugar-coat this. Anyway, I love this place. It’s such a riot…you never know what will happen.

Tomorrow we’ll be back again for round 3. Ding ding ding!

(Day 9) The Carnage Sale

2010-12-26T23:59:00.002-08:00

Boxing day sales in Japan are not quite the same as in North America, but one thing is for certain – people are out, and people want to save a bit and spend a lot. We met up with Maya and her lovely Mother in Shinjuku station and walked over, with the hordes, to the Keio Plaza Hotel to take part in Isetan’s multi-floor sale extravaganza.

A nice hotel with impossibly slow and congested elevators. When we arrived on the first sale floor, there was carnage.

You’d think big department store + designer brands + boxing day sale = near-bankruptcy for me. I didn’t buy anything. You see, sales in Japan aren’t like sales here, where stuff is actually cheap. It was like, “Hey! These $400 Fendi sunglasses are now only $300!” (not to mention that they are almost double the price in Japan anyway.) So…nothing. Also, the time spent to actually physically purchase an item was stretching into the 45-minute arena. I know because we had to wait while Maya bought a coat. Mayhem I tell you!

After being jostled by people from every angle, I was eager to just sit my ass down in a restaurant somewhere and relax. That we did, inside the Odakyu department store at Saint Marc. Window seat!

All-you-can-eat little breads! Oh Saint Marc, making me fat.

CALORIES! (For some reason I care today? Nope.)

Wonderful!

We DID go wander around Shinjuku again for a bit so Janelle could try on her Chanel shoes, but headed home for a rest before meeting up again with Mayuko in Shinagawa for dinner number two at nearly 10 PM.

Mayuko loves sweets. For dinner.

Look! It’s my face inside of Akira from Exile’s face! Trippy.

So after we left Shinagawa, we did what any normal person would do. We went home and prepped for a trip over to Lex. Again.

Sunday nights are beginning to be our thing. The place was quieter again but we met up with our old buddies Yutaro, Koji, and Vitaly, and made a few new ones whose names I can’t remember. Obviously we weren’t very good friends, but we did drink some Moët with them. We ended our semi-calm night with a little chat with Taka and Koji outside. Secrets were revealed. I’ll take them to my grave. Or not. I might have told you already.

Tomorrow we kind of do nothing. But we do actually do something. I guess you’ll see.

(Day 8) メリークリスマス

2010-12-25T23:59:00.005-08:00

Christmas morning didn’t bring that usual elation a small mountain of presents does. Because there wasn’t a small mountain waiting. Because of my trip, the wonderful gift-givers around me imparted me with ca$hola…which is perfectly awesome but significantly less thrilling. But I put on my best game face for the occasion.

After opening our gift(s) (“s” for Janelle, not me – boo!), we readied ourselves and headed to Starbucks to laze around, Christmas-style. It’s Christmasssss!

After a lonnnng discussion about where we should spend Christmas, we decided, for no real good reason, to head up to Ikebukuro and mill about. So we got on the subway…and then got off to change and guess what?? I spotted some guy wearing a pair of heeled silver ladies strappy sandals! The major crime here is not that he was wearing them – it was that they were ridiculously hideous and he was wearing black socks. WORST.

OOOOOH Janelle and I laughed. Sorry I couldn’t get a better picture for you.

There was soooo nothing special in Ikebukuro today. Just herds and herds of people/couples walking around, long lineups for purikura, and intense heat inside of Sunshine City. We did get to see this gaudy pink tree though:

For Christmas dinner we picked Nakamuraya’s Racontez curry buffet in Shinjuku to celebrate Christ’s birth. Yum!

On the right: My sad re-creation of the menu board’s picture.

After dinner we decided to muscle our way into an arcade and get some Christmas purikura done. Some Thriller-esque poster-girl awaited us.

Creepy.

Of course, we did a bit of poking around the “Juku, and ended up finding a store I wanted to visit, Komehyo. It was only okay, but they did have a boatload of crap for sale.

No Christmas is complete without a trip to Isetan.

Just, you know, your run-of-the-mill average stuff – Rolexes, Tiffany jewellery, a large metal bin filled with LV bags, Chanel suits, etc etc etc. Nothing to see here.

We headed for home and a session of karaoke at our local Utahiroba.

Dancing Queen needs tambourine.

On the walk home I was feeling especially daring and bought a corn soup can from the vending machine. Mmm…potage!

Hot and tasty.

When Janelle is prepping for sleep, she can don the silliest of things. One of my favourites is her shower cap. Hee hee!

Tomorrow we are joining Maya and her Mom at the Isetan sale at the Keio Plaza Hotel in Shinjuku. Deals to be had? Japanese women in a flurry of wild purchasing (beyond the usual?) We shall see. Oh yeah…

メリークリスマス!!

(Day 7) Three-Letter Words

2010-12-24T23:59:00.002-08:00

Christmas Eve! It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I used to LIVE for this day every year. However, being in Japan, things just aren’t the same. You’d think it would seem more Christmas-y with all their lights and decorations, but…no. We headed over to Harajuku for lunch and to be honest, this is the first time during any vacation to Japan that it has taken me THIS long to make it over to this side of town. What’s that noise? It might very well be my bank account draining.

We got suckered into this guy holding a sign restaurant-place. It was called ‘Café Ratia’. I called it ‘Rat-face Café’. It was right beside the Johnny’s store. I kept watching women being herded, over and over.

I love buffets!

Tradition.

Surprisingly, I didn’t buy anything today. Well…I knew also that it was a long time until I’d actually make it home to drop the stuff off, so its better to travel light today. We made our way over to Omotesando Hills and finally got to really enjoy the holidays, watching people trying to “skate” on some waxy plastic stuff. Hee hee ha ha HO HO HO.

Ahh, it was too funny. We watched people “skating” for nearly an hour. Japan is so quaint because they have things like this. And people use them! Awesome. The stuff was seriously like a hard waxy board.

Leaving Omotesando behind, we rode up to Kameari in Chiba to enjoy a Christmas concert of thunderous proportions. TAO, who I saw back in January in Vancouver, was holding a one-night-only engagement in a little hall on top of the Ito Yokado department store. Only in Japan.

Wheee! So great. Best Christmas concert ever! (Sorry EMMC.)

So, of course, on this most festive of holidays, the only way to ring it in was in a dingy little club underground in Roppongi. So we went to Lex for their Christmas party and it was body x body x body. Some weirdo with a balloon tied to his head tried to kiss me. Some guy with cornrows started chatting me up. Some dancing and drinking was done. And then, after the party, some ramen was had in the company of a large black fellow from Africa who invited himself along with us. Random. He was interested in Janelle – but of course he was.

And with that night, we officially greet Christmas. HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(Day 6) Sparkling City

2010-12-23T23:59:00.002-08:00

Thanks to the copious amounts of alcohol consumed by some members of my party, food was in high demand this AM. We headed over to Ebisu Garden Place as it offered the most wonderful assortment of activities for the day. Usually we just go there to look at the stone sculpture thing…but today we’ll see a few more things.

My my…what have we stumbled on here? No really…can anyone read that? This dude was just flexing up a storm and the cameras were flashing.

We made our way into the hungry Ginza Lion restaurant and ordered the largest bowls of carbs on the menu while hundreds of blue Santas partied in the private room behind us.

After lunch we headed to the Tokyo Metropolitan Museum of Photography. Kind of best museum of my life. Not because I’m part of the scores of people I know obsessed with anything and everything photography – it was because it was simply just a delicious display of completely moving photographs. I nearly both laughed and cried. It was wonderful. When we finally emerged, we had already hit evening. It doesn’t take long here, especially when you sleep in because of late-night shenanigans.

The square was still filled with people, but this time it was for not a large, muscular man, but for a gigantic sparkling chandelier. This is how the Japanese celebrate Christmas lights.

It has its own little glass room to protect the likely very expensive equipment from the elements. There were many seats in the square, just for patrons to sit and watch it twinkle.

It’s Christmas Eve-Eve y’all. The city is sparkling. For dinner, we headed over to Shibuya and Janelle convinced me that we should eat shabu shabu again. You know…it’s been like, two days, or whatever.

We did some shopping and wreaked a bit of havoc on poor little Shibuya. It’s no thang.

Yes…gentlmen. It’s easy to forget an “e” here and ther_.

We capped off our night with a bevy from Excelsior Café. Best hot chocolate ever.

You know what I love about Japan? They appear to be really concerned with citizen safety around construction sites. They go so far as to have a man whose sole job is to wave a baton for hours on end just to alert passersby. Mind you, they have a similar practice at the police station near our hotel – there’s a man who just stands outside the station near the gate on the road 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I love it, kind of. But it kind of also seems like an ineffective use of resources…

We were still pretty wiped out from last night so we crashed. Janelle crashed a little sooner than I did though…she’s buried in here somewhere:

Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve! Yippee skippie! We have a big day planned for tomorrow! We are going to the coolest Christmas concert on earth – TAO – followed by a LEX session. Three-letter words – EVE, TAO, LEX. Let’s make it rok!

(Day 5) Met _ _ _

2010-12-22T23:59:00.005-08:00

Even after all these years of coming to Tokyo, 99 percent of the neighbourhoods in the city have yet to be explored. Of course they aren’t all interesting, but I’d been hearing about a cool little laid-back place among them for a while – Shimokitazawa – and I decided that today, my last lonely day, would be the day I make the journey on to the this little place along the Inokashira line. You know what? They were right…the place is hip but quiet. I think I’m going to like it here.

I just kind of wandered for a while down the road, checking out the branch of one of my favourite shops that had taken up residency in the area, Raw Vintage. Eventually I decided that I should try to rustle up some grub (lunch) and set about trying to find some ramen or something. I was going to stop in Shibuya on the way down to eat at Ichiran, but I didn’t want to actually walk around in Shibuya…but then Ichiran found me here, on one of the side streets in this little place.

It was like a mirage in the desert.

I’d never seen such an empty Ichiran. Best lunch of the day!

Rad sink. Ichiran has cool bathrooms on lock.

After wandering around for a while longer, through the Daiso and some forsaken second-hand shops, I decided to take the plunge and attempt a karaoke hour by myself. It was mostly a success, save for the poor girl at the front counter who had to deal with me. Sorry!

After singing until I was hoarse and a round of purikura, I was back on the train to Shibuya.

Notice my new Limi Feu jacket? I love it!

Wandering around Shibuya was harmless enough…until some guy decided that he was going to try and follow me around until I gave in and…actually, beyond getting a drink with him or meeting up with again in future days to come, I’m not sure exactly what he was hoping for. I was walking along, minding my own business, when I hear a “Hi.” I turn and see some 40-ish guy walking beside me. He proceeds to ask me the basic orientation questions about myself and then tells me about himself and then invites himself along with me as I shop. Ugh. I’m wayyy too nice so I told him he could come, but I guess I figured he’d actually have something of his own to attend to shortly? Wrong. I quickly tell him I’m shopping for my husband, but this doesn’t phase him – he tells me how lucky my husband to have such a nice/thoughtful/fashionable/beautiful wife and just doesn’t get the hint. I go through one department store in fairly short order and then give him his walking papers. I tell him I have to go meet my sister for dinner (lie) and asks in a sad voice if I don’t’ have time to go for a drink at all. I say no time (lie). He then asks about tomorrow. I say I’m busy (true). And then he asks about the whole rest of the days in my trip. I say completely busy (kind of true). I say bye and bolt. Unfortunately, being the blondest girl in sight doesn’t provide me with any advantage in this situation. I hide the back corner of a Family Mart until I figure I can sneak safely to the subway to make my getaway. I’m not sure if it worked, but if he saw me, he didn’t give pursuit. Although some may think it’s flattering, I just think ew. It’s only flattering if they are good-looking, isn’t it?

Janelle came over after 9 that evening and finally moved in for the duration of the trip. We headed over to Lex that night for Shawnda’s goodbye party and it was kind of a blur in hindsight.

Some boy told me that his 20-year-old buddy thought I was hot and was “interested” in me and I should go say hi. I did, but was dragged away and he kind of looked crushed. Sweet! Does this make me a cougar? Also, some boy with a Moët balloon around his neck tried to kiss me and told me his balloon was “cute”. Some guy with an LV necklace was so thrilled by me and my pitiful Japanese that he kept introducing me to different people as a novelty. We met Eiji who works at Mitsubishi who lied about his age so I wouldn’t think he was too old for my sister and who kept buying us drinks all night. We partied with Haylie who showed me the most reliable way into VIP. I met/stared at/touched Ryo. We said goodbye to Shawnda. And Taka was good to us, as usual. Maybe I should just move here. Can I sleep in the corner of the club or something?

(Day 4) Kitsch

2010-12-21T23:59:00.005-08:00

Vacation! Lazy! Yes, that’s me. Today I slllooowwwwllllyyy got up and got ready and did the long-ish journey out to Kichijoji, the cool hood of…cool people. I dunno. It feels cool there. Anyway, I was alone again today for the most part but I kept myself entertained…with crepes! Well, not just crepes. But I started with that.

Black and white crepes are sooo classy.

The next stop was epic and leads into my first segment of what I have entitled “Adventures in Japanese Clothes-Buying”. Not very original, I realize, but bear with me. So I headed into Ragtag, my favourite designer second-hand shop in the world, and I grab two delightful coats and head into the change room. Let me introduce piece number one, courtesy of the most precious ‘enfant terrible’, Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garçons:

It’s a coat with giant bulgy sections of stuffed cotton inside. Random. While this look isn’t terribly new for CdG, I’m posting this not for CdG aficionados (of which I am the only one I know), but for those readers who will get a kick out of this.

The guy in the shop pointed out to me it’s very “Christmas-y”.

I really look a lot thicker. Makes sense.

It’s like I had a built-in back pillow!

Rad details.

The second piece was decidedly less avante garde – a military-style jacket with tails by Limi Feu.

I bought it (the Limi, not the CdG – I don’t really want to be thick.) Yess! Love love love. Aaaaand, that’s it for the first (and likely last) segment of bizarre clothes.

New purchase firmly in hand, I headed down the alley into Inokashira park. My favourite chill-out spot in Mitaka.

Gorgeous! I love these veiny trees.

After a brief sit and some ‘Mother Mother’ serenading the passersby in the swan boats, I headed back into town and picked up a few supplies at one of my favourite general stores, Loft.

Yikes! I do not want this product. I don’t even know what it is.

In case you can’t read this, it is men’s disposable panties. Interesting. It also says,

We’re just a heart beat away
One touch could make it happen
We can reach the other side if we hold on to the passion

Did I mention that this was on men’s disposable panties? OK. Just checking.

This trip I managed to only visit ONE temple or shrine. ONE. I deserve an award. This particular one just happened to fall alongside the shopping arcade in Kichijoji and I’d never been before so I escaped the crowds but for a minute…

Here’s also another adventure in funny business names:

Dog Wiz!

I met Janelle for dinner at our favourite shabu-shabu spot, Nabezo. I love this place…just meat…everywhere.

This was my fifth visit to this restaurant and I’ve sat in the same booth every single time…and they seat me. Isn’t it bizarre?

This is a pretty standard blog, isn’t it? Sorry…I did some boring stuff this trip – it can’t all be a non-stop party. Next up was karaoke at Ban Ban.

We eventually parted ways and I headed back over to Akasaka. I had secretly gotten into the Christmas spirit over at Seiyu and bought a $2 tree! Festivus, here we come.

Yes, those are real presents.

So tomorrow I wander off into new territory over in quiet-but-hip Shimokitazawa. Then…some Shibuya with a little stalkerish fellow and finally, Lex. Rad.

(Day 3) Lights

2010-12-20T23:59:00.003-08:00

Ah, the morning after a good night out. Your head’s a little off and you spend a bit of time recalling exactly what happened last night. Janelle headed out once we had finally roused and I slowly got ready and made my way to Ginza to hang out with myself. B has school for the next few days, so I’m going to meander the streets by my lonesome, for the most part. So like I mentioned, my head was slightly off and I was in Ginza, so food was the first order of the day. After half-assedly searching high and low for food, I settled on a restaurant with the city’s namesake, Ginza Cozy Corner.

Ah, nasu. While supping all the wonderful pieces of my lunch set, I stared out the window for nearly an hour, watching people.

Eventually I gathered up enough energy to haul my cookies back onto the street. Let the shopping commence?

I bought a delicious Comme des Garçons vintage (yes, vintage) robe de chambre jacket with tails. For $100! What a steal. Are you like, ‘jibba-jabber-jubba what is she talking about?’ Iss koo. Trust me though, it’s sweet.

(Some Lindsay just for you, sistre.)

Stole some wi-fi for a while at Apple (thanks!)…

And eventually just got tired and headed home. I made arrangements to meet Mayuko in Roppongi for dinner so I was back out there in only a few short hours…

I was all too excited when she suggested my favourite udon shop in town – Tsurutontan – as our dinner du jour. Biggest bowls of noodle-y delight imaginable. I was so happy to see Mayuko again! She is ridiculously adorable.

She gave me a present! So sweet.

Ack! I love Vivienne.

I decided to have something a little different than my usual katsu curry udon – wagyu curry udon! Wagyu is really expensive beef that was melty in my mouth like butta.

I kind of feel like she looks like she’s about to smack me with the spoon.

Our big post-dinner activity was to view the illuminations in Roppongi at Tokyo Midtown and Roppongi Hills. Illuminations in Tokyo are just…awesome. None of those ratty garland bells attached to lightposts and a few strings of outdoor Christmas bulbs. No…they use a few more than just a few…these are national treasures people! Attracting crowds in the hundreds. Literally, unfortunately.

Pretty field of lights! People were standing in every open spot, staring in silence as the music played. I tried to add some effects to the music by “OOOOOHHH”-ing and “AAAAHHHHH”-ing loudly to those around me. No dice. I started saying in a soothing voice, “Soo beautiful! Amazing! It’s a Christmas miracle!” Can you see it? Can you see it!?! I totally did it. Mayuko laughed. I was largely ignored. Not surprised.

A very Midtown Christmas.

We headed next to Roppongi Hills, where on the way I got a direction question from a whitie! Yes, this is the excitement of my day. He wanted to know where Roppongi Hills was. I said just keep walking towards that MASSIVE building in front of us. That’s it. He was like, “yo thass koo.”

Ambience +1

A giant floating chandelier! The Japanese have such ingenuity.

Just chillaxin’ on a random street sculpture.

When I’m with Mayuko, there is always a café in our future. Today was no different. We headed upstairs into Almond at Roppongi crossing.

A pink ashtray! How quaint.

These cafés are always so bizarre in that they charge like, 300 yen (~$4) for cake and then 700 yen (~$8.50) for coffee. And you can’t get cake without coffee. WHY!?!? Sneaky snakes.

Tomorrow I’m heading over to the cool ‘hood of Kichijoji. Never been? What? You are missing out.

(Day 2) Like It's Her Birthday

2010-12-19T23:59:00.006-08:00

I turned a year older 17 hours early…why on earth would I purposely do this? Because being in Tokyo is a killer way to celebrate. And celebrate we did, starting things off in Shinjuku, where we didn’t do anything except wander the streets (which are gloriously closed on Sundays) and have people trying to secretly take pictures of us in our fabulosity. We did make it to Isetan to enjoy their whimsical Christmas displays and eye-up their cute Chanel shoes but then caved and headed over to Takano Fruits Parlour for lunch buffet. Yum!

Birthday self!

All the baa-chans loading up on Christmas crap.

Holey crokinole can Japanese girls eat. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but GEEZE LOUIS. Whenever they’d put out a new tray of strawberry shortcake, girls would literally jump up and run to grab four or five, clearing the plate so the rest of us non-crazies can’t have any. So bizarre. We got our fill though – more than enough! Tasty.

After wandering in Shinjuku a bit more, I started to get stressed about making it to my concert on time, about a 15 minute train ride away. So I left two and a half hours early. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

I arrived at Suidobashi and the crowds were cray-zizzle. So as it turns out, there was not only a Johnny’s concert that night, but also a Korean boyband’s concert at a nearby hall. CUE THOUSANDS OF FEMALES CONGREGATING IN ONE PLACE. The lineups to any bathroom within a mile radius were enough to make one want to wet themselves. I kiiid. Oh, and there was also a group of people playing dress-up.

Eeeeeeeeeek!

Even walking was difficult. Screeches ringing from the rooftops. Why did I decide to spend my birthday like this again? Oh yeah, to see my boyfriend. Sigh. The things I do…

So I made it into the venue with little interference from the security dudes in the blue jackets. Much-worse looking than the security dudes from my last Johnny’s concert experience. I squeeeeeezed myself into my seat on the floor and noted that Kanjani8 fans are generally the unfashionable, sort of matronly-looking type females – of all age groups, I might add. Me being the exception in this case, of course.

Promptly at 6:00 PM, the fans stood up and started chanting. The lights went dim, the intro movie played, and from the ceiling, they descended. Cue retarded amounts of screaming. Johnny concert security people are militant about their ‘no pictures’ philosophy. Booze, drugs, guns, etc are okay, but cameras are not welcome. But…this is me, right? Don’t sue me Johnny, please. The first few were pretty awful as I wasn’t sure if I was being watched so I was shooting from the neck – literally.

Yep, nice view of the balcony and ceiling.

As you might have noticed from those shots (other than they are really abstract) is that the view from my neck was unobstructed. And how much better it was from my face! When the fans all stood up, once they had finished, I kept going…until I had reached a full foot above the crowd. Thanks, super-tall Jeffrey Campbell shoes and genetic disposition to increased height! I could almost hear the curses of the poor soul who was unfortunate to land the seat behind me…but they were in Japanese, so I didn’t understand.

Totally not sure what is up with the weird psychedelic screensaver-esque accents to the monitors. Ugliest.

(Sorry, pic-heavy, I know, but I wanna remember and you are likely just whipping through these, not even noticing this message…. :) )

Ack! Cutest ever. Ryo as a reindeer. Cute overload.

Snow!

Chuu~♥

The baa-chan next to me said, “Dare ga suki desu ka?” I told her. I think she was surprised I knew Japanese. Some psycho (NOT saikou) girl in a green Santa hat scolded me for using a camera. I shot her a death stare which she couldn’t argue with. So that was that. After three encores and having to wait to leave the concert (literally trapped), I was on my way back to our little hotel. And I managed to bring a little reminder of the night back with me. Birthday present!

Yes, it is not lost on me that it is slightly creepy to have a giant fan with some guy’s face on it. Really, truly bizarre. But…he’s cute, so it’s okay, right?

This is where the night takes a turn for the…hazy. We went, for the second time, to Lex in Roppongi. The place was dead. I drank. We met some cool, nice people – Shawnda, Koji, Yuutaro, Taka, Vitaly…and we drank some more. Then we danced and drank Moët (thanks Yuutaro). There was a delicious cake made of fruit. And my name on the TV. More people came, including a girl with crazy teeth wearing a babooshka. She smiled a lot. Here’s the night, according to my iPhone.

Pre-Lex:

Post-Lex:

Home at 5:30 AM. Awesome. Good people. Amazing birthday, all around. Lex ♥

(Day 1) First Class

2010-12-18T23:59:00.002-08:00

My fifth trip to Japan was a reward – a reward for finally finishing school, which has been a goal seven-and-a-half years in the making. Two weeks after my last exam, I was at YVR, anxiously anticipating the adventures that were on the cusp of occurrence. That, and I missed my little sister who I left in Japan in September. I’m coming home baby!

And at YVR is where the adventure began. Waiting for the plane all patiently and whatever, the boarding time came…and went. We soon got the announcement that the plane currently stationed at the gate had some mechanical issue and they needed to bring a different plane in. Great. Cue me signing onto Facebook and ranting and raving about how awful Air Canada is and how they are always delayed, etc. (I’m sorry Air Canada – I did issue a retraction later…)

About half an hour later, we switched gates and shortly thereafter, boarding commenced. When it came my turn in the queue, the lady scanned my boarding pass and…DENIED. She tried again. DENIED. She pointed me over to join the crowd at the desk. I start to sweat. I proceed to have awful visions of the plane being overbooked and I won’t make it to Japan. But I have concert tickets for tomorrow!! I sweat some more. The ladies at the desk are chatting on the phones regarding some issue or another and the other passengers around the desk look nervous. Eventually they start working with the passengers and they call my name over the intercom. I nearly shout that I’m here and she looks at me and says that my boarding pass isn’t valid (!!!!! dead) but then hands me a piece of paper and says I’ve been moved to Executive First Class. Did I mention this is a 10.5 hour journey over the Pacific? First Class. I grab it and nearly sprint over to the ticket lady who this time, successfully scans me in. I scurry onto the plane and am immediately offered orange juice or champagne. I kind of sob a little to myself.

The next little bit reads like a dab of airplane luxury – I get a menu to peruse for dinner. I get Sennheiser earphones for my listening pleasure. I get a little refreshment kit with brand name lip balm, hand lotion, face wipes, socks, eye mask, etc. Free bottled water. A tablecloth at dinner time. Wine from Italy. Three-course dinner. A BED.

This is me, chillaxing in my pod.

Watching ‘Salt’ with my pre-dinner champagne and salted nuts.

I thought this was my dinner. Silly me – I’m so uncultured. This was only the first course.

It comes on a real ceramic plate! I love First Class.

After trying to sleep and watching ‘The Other Guys’, we neared closer to Tokyo.

Then breakfast (!?!) arrived. Best breakfast of life.

When it came time to de-plane, I was almost sad to say goodbye to my little pod. I felt refreshed and like I never wanted to see an economy seat again for as long as I lived.

So, I arrived! Yes, this blog IS about Japan, so now that we’ve arrived, let’s get to it. I went through the usual paces of immigration, baggage, and the purchase of my train ticket and I found myself, once again, boarding my beloved Narita Express.

Ah, but this ride was not without its own drama. It never fails – as soon as I think I’m all pro at something (like boarding a train or something…), I do something really stupid that shows I’m so NOT a pro. Lame. This time it was me locking my suitcase in the baggage rack without setting a code. So…I couldn’t get it out. HAH! I laugh now, but I was crazy frantic at the time. After reefing on the cord attached securely to my bags for about 15 seconds and taking note of the sign that said if you lock your bags and can’t get them out you have to wait until the terminal station (which was about an hour past MY stop), I ran to the door and summoned a poor little old man over who had just finished cleaning the train. I stammered through some Japanese about how I locked my bags and was acting the whole thing out with wild arm movements and such and then he told me to wait while he scurried over to the conductor man in the last car. He then came over and I continued my pantomime of the whole incident and I was sweating up a storm and whatever. He told me to sit my ass down (in the most polite manner) and him and the little jii-chan left. What does this mean? The train started moving. No one came over. The train arrived at the next airport stop and bunch of people got on and they all walked past and stared at my sweaty, crumpled self, eyes darting about for a conductor man coming to my aid. Once we got moving again, he came and set my bags free. FREEDOM! Blissful freedom. I “sumimasen/arigatou gozaimasu” ‘ed him into oblivion. I stashed my newly free bags behind my seat and tried to focus on the moments slipping by on my last trip (for a while) into Tokyo.

I did the transferring trains thing and finally found myself walking up the road to our little inn where Janelle would be waiting in the lobby. YAYAYAYAY! Sisters alive!

Dropping my bags in our miniscule room, we headed out for sustenance. Oh delicious CoCo Ichi. Never change.

!!!

Did you notice my mention of a concert tomorrow back when I was raving about my delayed flight? Well, Janelle received my ticket in the mail and handed it over to me. Damn this thing was pricey, but it’s my birthday tomorrow so…yeah. The seller even sent along a picture of the group.

Oh Johnnys. I’m excited.

Our bellies full of curry, we headed over to our old haunt, the Maruetsu Petit in Akasaka – a little grocery store which a cute little jii-chan (grandpa) who is the security guard (hee hee) and Janelle has some guy she likes who she never talks to. (Wow – that was an awful sentence.) This being Christmastime, there were gorgeous illuminations everywhere to see on the walk over.

Tomorrow’s my b-day…and the start of a long journey into exploring nightlife as I haven’t in almost 10 years. 28? It’s going to seem more like 18… ha ha. Also, I get to attend my ridiculously expensive concert and start grazing my way through Tokyo. It’s going to be epic! Come along!

*** Due to the…level of detail and somewhat personal nature of my nightclub experiences, I won’t be posting the remaining blogs of this trip on Facebook. If you’d like to keep updated, you are going to have check this blog only. Cool? Cheers.

Killing is from Satin

2010-11-20T23:59:00.005-08:00

So, like I said, I was meeting up with Jen in a hour in the igloo at Pacific Centre and so I headed over that way to peruse some wares prior to that…

We headed to Benkei for some delicious ramen (gochisosama) and then headed down to the water to be true Canadians…and scope out the craft fair happening next door.

Even if that flame has been distinguished, mine still burns bright. Sniff.

Frankly, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to the cauldron – I had an umbrella and I wanted to poke it.

Yeah, turns out the base of the cauldron is guarded by lasers! How very James Bond-esque of them. My arm + umbrella was just a wee bit short to poke it. Another day then.

There’s also this Lego whale. The Lego whale also looks cool through Salvador Dali’s ~~eyes~~ app.

So after freezing our buns wandering around the waterfront, we headed indoors to Mink – a chocolate café.

Jen was so kind and offered me a bevvy of my choosing and I chose the pre-discussed Drinking Chocolate. The barista handed me a cup of water with it. What was I in for?

HOLY SMOKES. It was like drinking a tasty pot of fondue. Of the 10 generous ounces they gave me, I had maybe four. And even four made me feel as though I had just enjoyed 20 chocolate bars.

Jen and I did some shopping and wandering and eventually I headed off to meet up with B-Mal for another night of rowdiness. I headed over to his luxe digs, the Fairmont Waterfront, and was pleased to discover his room was on the 23rd floor – the top! Now I can see how the other half live.

Yeah, that about sums it up. $6.50 for a bottle of Evian.

After several libations at that elevation with B-Mal and his pal Josh and I was once again happy. Two nights in a row – I think I may need to join a support group soon. We headed off into Gastown for dinner.

We ended up at this place called Revel Room and they have free cookies at last call! Well, we didn’t stay until then, but there was a lot of talk of it.

After noshing, drinking and chit-chatting, I headed back to pick up my car and crap from the Listel and head on to my destination for this night – Jen’s house! Her and Chris are so kind.

Oh yeah ps – it was snowing kittens and cats this night and we woke up to inches of snow. Oh Vancouver. Jen had to work so Chris and I had brekkie and headed back downtown as I was going to half-heartedly attempt to grab a piece of the sacred Lanvin for H&M collection.

Ah, silly me. Unlike my success at the H&M Comme des Garçons collaboration in 2008, I wound up empty-handed. Of course, for that one I did actually arrive early and wait in line and this time I was four hours late. OH WELL. I did have my hands on the last coat, but it was a miserable size 4 and ridiculously shoddy quality for $350. Moving along…

I met up with B-Mal again and we began to wander the streets like nomads. We stopped for lunch at Steamrollers (giant-ass burritos) and then watched some flying cats.

They look so evil.

We headed to a pub on Granville where we met up with Josh once again and had our glorious libations ruined by a screaming protest which marched up across the street. WAHHHH it sucked. They were protesting the killing of Christians in Egypt (I think) which is a fair cause – but quit screaming the same five words over and over again. Ugh. And I’m probably a horrible person for saying this, but is this sign not hilarious?

Love is from God
Killing is from Satin

I LOLed.

Then we headed on over to Granville Island for a last stop on this tour of Vancouver.

This is a Delica. Amazing ride.

Yusssss – HOLY CRAP indeed. I just kept as the lady if this was “for real”. She said it was and they were all sold out.

So that was that. I bade farewell to B-Mal and wished him well on his forward journey into Singapore. Oh didn’t I mention that? Yes, that’s where he’s moving too. So, yeah. Cool, hey?

Okay, no more blogs will be forthcoming for the next few weeks. I’m off to Japan (YES AGAIN) next week so I need to do something worth blogging about. See you later.

Hunters & Gatherers

2010-11-19T23:59:00.004-08:00

Life was exceedingly dull throughout October and most of November (of course, that’s in comparison to my September and, well, everyone else’s lives.) I divided my time between three different kinds of work: working out, homework, and work-work at my two jobs. My life suuuucks. Feel sorry for me! Okay, whatever – you likely don’t/won’t. Though I seriously worked for 20-day stretches at a time, I suppose I did that to myself. ANYWAY – onwards and upwards.

In November every year, our department does a professional development getaway into Vancouver and it’s pretty much THE event of the year. You can read about our past adventures here, here, here, andhere. I’m sure you didn’t click on any of those so…yeah, I did that coding for nothing. This year, we headed to the same hotel as last year, The Listel on Robson Street. I did manage to score a slightly better room though…

Too bad I’m only going to spend about one hour of non-sleeping time in here. Boo. As soon as we checked in, it was time to head down for lunch and our first (and only) session of the day.

Brenda (second from right) is EATING! Grrraaaaggghh!

Cold lady food with a swimming pool of dreshingu.

Lady-sized dessert. Do you see a theme emerging?

Our first session involved organizing our online document filing systemmmzzzzzzzzzzz. Actually, it’s not so bad since I’m kind of nerdy and like organizing.

The second part of the session involved a scavenger hunt - I’D BETTER WIN! I hate putting effort into things that don’t work out in my best interest. Well, on scavenger hunts anyway. I was paired with my co-workers Blanca and Mark and under my superb leadership, we stormed the downtown core. I was like a woman possessed with acquiring items like a box of crayons from Red Robin, a catalogue from Pandora jewellery, and a business card from the coffee shop inside the HSBC building. And as for our efforts…well…what do you think happened? We won, of course.

Then came time to shop! Brenda and I headed out before dinner to spend the hard-earned money we made from working at this difficult job. And you would be proud – all I ended up buying was mascara! Ok fine, it was Chanel mascara, but let’s celebrate the victories people. Dinner was at the Fairmont at my favourite haunt, Griffins.

Why is it my favourite? Why, their all-you-can-eat dessert buffet with every meal, of course!

Our table was taking ages to be ready, so they offered us free wine…and kept it flowing. Before I knew it, I had drank four glasses…

Of course, I sat at the head of the table because…then I can shout down the length of the table. But I wouldn’t do that because that’s rude.

Blanca telling one of her killer stories. One year, she told us one about a male stripper who gave someone scabies.

The party began to break up shortly after 9 and I didn’t mind because the party for me would continue, just down the street. I headed over to the Cactus Club Café to meet up with my old pally B-Mal and two companions, all of whom had little porno ‘staches for Movember. We moved the party from there a little further down the street to the Elephant and Castle (at this rate, we will be in the water shortly.) I had some cocktail drink (the count was now up to five) and the dudes had this ridiculously massive bread pudding that kind of made me want to chuck. What? I’m still full from all-you-can-eat-dessert buffet, mmkay? After that party wound down (we all gotta work in the AM), we parted ways and I made my way down the deserted Robson street in the rain alone. Cue violin.

That night was a bit of a struggle since I think the alcohol was speaking to me in a language I don’t want to understand. No no, I didn’t throw up or anything (I’m sure your are like, THANKS! right about now) but like that Christmas so many years ago, I got this weird sleep nausea. No more drinking for me!

The morning’s session involved more discussion of filing and by lunch we had called it a day. BRING ON THE WEEKEND! But I’m going to spend it here…and I’m meeting up with Djds in an hour…(to be continued…oooo)

dam ships

2010-09-27T23:59:00.002-07:00

A week after arriving back on Canadian soil, I left the country once again, but this time it was only to venture over to our neighbour to the south. For this mini-vacation, Jean and I were going to exploit most major transportation methods – automobile, train, automobile, boat, train, automobile, in that order. So first up, the car ride down into America. We left before the crack of dawn and headed down to Bellingham, stopping only to partake in the surprising fabulousity of American Wal-mart (it was clean and tidy and didn’t smell of B.O!) From there, we headed over to the Amtrak station.

As you can see, we are heading to Seattle today…so we sat patiently and waited for the train to arrive. I wonder if the train will contain smallpox curtains?

After a delay at the border, we finally received word that the train would be arriving shortly. And then it did! I was so confused though as to where we should be going…only one entrance to the train? And I have to hike my bag up these sky-high stairs? At least the conductor guy had a beard and big hat on.

So my seat just happened to be beside a crunchy, stiff smallpox curtain. No window, just smallpox. But those that did have a window seat sure did have a nice view as we glided along the waters edge.

After making what felt like a thousand stops in little poop towns along the Washington coast, we pulled into Seattle. Now, onto the boat part of our journey, which precluded some more automobile riding. Once we bolted off the train, we grabbed the first taxi we could, which was driven by a tubby geri who kept his butt firmly planted in the drivers seat as we hauled our bags into the trunk. What a lazy bum. No tip! Onwards to the cruise ship terminal!!!

We arrived at the terminal and were shuffled into the crowds, eager to board the ms Oosterdam. After all, how many people don’t want to leap on board for a one-day cruise? That’s right, we are on a one-day venture from Seattle up to Vancouver – isn’t it hilarious? Like, what’s the point? But the boat was solidly sold out and before we knew it, we were up on the Lido deck chowing down on lunch.

Once we had eaten all we could scrounge from the ridiculously busy food stations, we headed down to our room to dump our crap and see where we’d be holed-up for the next 18 hours.

We booked an inside room because we were only on board for not even 24 hours and it was dirt cheap at $66. However, it also REEKED like fake rose-scented air freshener that I called and complained about several times but they just ignored me. They kept telling me it was the “chemical” sprayed to cover up cigarette smoke. EW. But I won’t get into the whole thing here…this blog is about happy memories, so let’s go make some!

After we dumped our stuff, we set about exploring and touring the ship. C’mon…I’ll show ya!

Aft pool

Casino. I’m not supposed to take pictures in here, so of course, I did.

Culinary theatre.

Atrium.

Promenade.

The day was surprisingly warm for being so cloud-covered and so we warmed ourselves for a while outside on some deck chairs. This is the life!

After lounging about, we headed up to the library to get our intellect on. Others thought the library would be a good spot to SIT AND HAVE COFFEE BREAK NEXT TO PEOPLE WHO ARE READING (read: us.)

Eventually our departure time rolled around and we headed slowly out of port – let the duty-free shops open and shower us with some ‘dam’ gifts! Me and Jean had been seriously eyeing some $10 clutches in the gift shop.

Goodbye Seattle!

Um…I think Jean was happy that day…apparently she just hates getting photos taken?

Once we were sufficiently out to sea, I headed to a photo workshop that was apparently totally geared towards geris. I mean, when on a geri cruise, it makes sense, I suppose, but what? What I had hoped was some Photoshop tips, turned out to be Windows 7 tips? Whatevs.

After the geri lesson, Jean and I dressed up and headed down to the dining room for dinner. Since we had picked open seating, we were seated at a large table with eight other people and in no time at all, we became one big, happy family! We never exchanged names…only hopes, dreams, pasts, and presents. Seriously…I told the lovely couple for New Zealand beside me more than most of my friends know…but that’s the magic of strangers, I guess.

Beef carpaccio.

Salmon.

Yum!

After dinner, the next party stop is the show lounge – today’s show was your typical musical routines…which I slept through. I always do this – short cruises, long cruises, the musicals always put me to sleep.

We did head back to the buffet after this and lounged poolside for a while, but I DO have to actually work tomorrow so some sleep is necessary. What a bummer.

The next morning we got up for breakfast as we sailed into the gorgeous port of Vancouver, under the Lion’s Gate bridge. Just lovely!

And with that, we snuck off board the second they started letting people go. We were supposed to wait until our number was called, but when faced with a crush of bodies, who is gonna stop us? Besides, I have to get to work!

After a skytrain and car ride later, I indeed arrived back at my desk at work, the cruise now a fading memory. And fade it will, because I’m never going to sail with Holland America ever again. They can spray all the chemical they want into their rooms, because I won’t be going into them. Sayonara!

(Day 15) I like hamburger ❤

2010-09-19T23:59:00.002-07:00

And away we go again… We needed to be out of our place by 10 AM so we just loaded up and headed down to Akasaka Sacas and dumped everything on the plaza out front. There was some security guards who eyed us iffily, but this is Japan, riiiite? So they didn’t say or do anything. I mean, all they would have tried is making an “X” with their arms.

Danggggg it was hot out today. Not the day to be traveling with heavy luggage, that’s fo’ sho’. Sheesh. Once our spot ‘Grigio’ opened, we headed onto the patio with all our crap and sat at our table for lunch. We sat there for ages and reflected on the events that had transpired over these last two weeks and became particularly sad to leave B behind. It wasn’t long before our ride to the airport beckoned and we said those very goodbyes we’d been dreading for some time. Janelle, loaded down with bags upon bags, boarded the train heading one direction and us heading another. Soooo symbolic. Or something. Anyway, we headed on towards the airport and secretly looked forward to the cooler temps that awaited on the other side of the Pacific.

After our last convenience store dinner, we managed to score some primo seats on the airplane…no big deal!

After 9 long hours, we arrived back safely on home soil. Yay Canada! The air was unbelievable…I was almost cold.

And so, I’d like to leave you with a bit of sage advice for the world-weary traveler, courtesy of the best t-shirt I’ve personally ever seen (which Sis happened to buy on our now-distant Tokyo adventure)…

Appearances are deceptive.
I like hamburger ❤

(Day 14) My Vampire

2010-09-18T23:59:00.001-07:00

Crammy-cram-cram. That’s what our day will involve – cramming stuff in that we’ve been dawdling about for the past two weeks. It’s Saturday, our last full day in Tokyo and we are mentally preparing for our departure. But first, here’s another view of our messy room in Akasaka that we’ve called home for the past two weeks.

Notice the wayward feet sticking out of the middle bed? It’s kind of impossible to get little B out of bed in the morning. Mine is the made one, of course.

A place I won’t miss is our also crammy-cram-cram bathroom box. We ran all out of kracie soap so now we’ve been using dish detergent.

Our first adventure of the day was making our way to Tameikesanno station and then hopping the next train to Asakusa to visit THE.MOST.FAMOUS.SHRINE in Tokyo. Maybe I’ll pull my hair out.

A little morning NEWS to start the day right.

Oh Asakusa – a place that is perpetually sunny and full of people (except at 7:00 AM – I speak from experience.)

I know, I know…I can’t really complain since it IS Saturday and everyone and their dog is out on a Saturday, but I was about ready to lose my mind at this place. When I think shrines, I think peace and serenity, but that is (pardon my French) kind of horseshit today.

That’s it! I’m never coming here again. I’ve been here three times now and that is enough to last anyone a lifetime. Just wait…I’ll be back there again, somehow, when I’m out in December. ACKKK! I hope not. I have such a badditude.

We hopped the train back over to Ueno and headed into my favourite ramen shop again, to unwind. Oh Ichiran, you save the day again.

Once we were stuffed full of noodles, we headed down into Ameyokocho to explore the stalls, take more purikura and eat some manju. I love Ameyoko manju.

Have you ever wondered what the inside of a purikura booth looks like? Likely not, I’m guessing, but its not very exciting anyway:

And since we were inside one, we took some more purikura…it is our last chance, after all.

Love Sis’s rainbow ‘fro.

MANJU!

(It’s starting to look all the same to you…isn’t it? HA HA HA)

That guy in the tank top is looking at me.

Ameyoko-ed out, we headed back up to Ginza. Why? Oh, well…hee hee hee…you’ll see.

OH YEAH! I almost forgot. There was suddenly a large crowd of people gathering we were wondering what all the commotion was about. Seriously, there were people running down the street with cameras in their hand. A celebrity? A tragic accident? A person with two faces? Whatever could be causing this commotion?

No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. That really is cats on a street sign. And you’d think one picture would be enough, but there were some serious photo shoots going on. WHAT ON EARTH!?

I mean, …... right? I’m speechless.

So we did some shopping before dinner at OIOI and I found this amazing umbrella – check it out:

Totally useless, right? I also bought some really great socks and tights…for $50…how does this happen? It was, like, three pairs. I don’t get it.

For our last supper and to say goodbye, we ended up at this restaurant that can be summed up in two words (which is also coincidentally the name of the place) – Vampire Café.

So I don’t know if you can tell from the photo above, but that is a giant coffin in the center of the restaurant. This place was mint – a vampire girl in a French maid costume acting as the hostess, and all the waiters were vampires with white and red eyes, dressed in gothic apparel. Best restaurant idea ever!

This is our coffin drink menu and call bell. Oh ps – we had our own English-speaking vampire slave boy!

A bat on top of our salad.

A crunchy hand in our pasta!

There’s one of the vampires now! It was really hard to get a good picture in all the dark red lights.

Heart tarts with top hats…like, what? Only in Tokyo.

After settling the bill, we actually parted ways in Ginza – I went home to pack and Sis and B headed over to Harajuku for a final crepe…or three? Ha ha ha. I’m such a party-pooper, but the goods aren’t going to pack themselves. So, until tomorrow…

…good night from Ginza!

(Day 13) Boots with the Furrr

2010-09-17T23:59:00.001-07:00

With the smoky experience of late-night partying in our repertoire, we slept in. Except for B, of course, because she had to go to school. Hyuk hyuk hyuk…Sis and I slept in like there was no tomorrow because, well, I mean, come on! We were partying like good, old-fashioned night pigs. So we got up in the late morning hours and made our way eventually to western Tokyo to meet up with B and visit her at school. It was hot, so we took a taxi up the hill (plus we were late – oops) and she gave us a bit of a tour…though I’ve personally been here several times previously…

By far, the best angle of the school on the entire campus. The rest looks like your typical mental institution.

We didn’t stay long though, before heading a bit back east to Kichijioji. We grabbed lunch at (let me see if I can get this right…) ‘Italian Tomato Café Jr.’ It was so cheap! But my food was cold and looked like this:

Mmm…a cold, runny egg on top of a sparsely-populated pizza.

Sis got a migraine from the scorching heat and so we ducked into Karaoke Kan for a cheap, two-hour blitz of karaoke. So instead of heat, Sis had to live through our screeching into the mic. Nice!

Oh! What a face. I’m thinking…yep, could it be? Was it THIS song…?

Ahem…”APPLE BOTTOM JEANS….[jeans]…BOOTS WITH THE FUR…[with the fur]”

Oh yeah ps…I actually saw some amazing boots with fur I was thinking I should buy Marty. What do you think? *rotfl*

My whole purpose for coming to Kichijoji was to bring my sisters to the holy grail of shabu-shabu places, Nabezo. Cheap all-you-can-eat for 90 min! Ready, set, gorge! Oh delicious meat…get in my belly!

With our bellies sagging full of meat, we headed down to the park for a bit of exercise. Inokashira park is one my favvies in Tokyo.

The benches in the park were so bizarre – they were perfectly partitioned for a single person. Maybe they are trying to avoid the inevitable contact couples might try when they come to the park on a date? Oh Japan, don’t be so prudish.

Janelle and I sat on one bench and chatted for a while about this, that, and everything else, while Sis sat on another listening to music. Eventually Sis got up and said she was going back to the hostel. Um…..? We had to follow her to make sure she wouldn’t get lost. I can just see her, stranded in some back alley crying, “WAHHHH WAHHH WAHHH.”

Oh yeah! I keep forgetting about all these fabulous purikura we’ve been doing. Today was no exception!

Tomorrow is our last full day in Tokyo before we head back to our motherland and leave our precious little sibling alone. The sister trip of a lifetime is quickly coming to a close and we have one final kick at the can. And we’ll boot it together!

(Day 12) Lexington Queens

2010-09-16T23:59:00.003-07:00

Not every day can be an alcohol-infused riot. Or can it…well, we don’t find out in the AM anyway. Today Janelle went back to school and Sis and I headed up, up, up into Saitama. We headed as far as Omiya and then jumped ship to explore this little port of call. I’ve been here before, but on a rainy Thursday, shopping and eating comfort food beckons us to come hither. And hither we came!

Since it was just me and Sis, we dove right into Baqet once again. I’m sorry, but stuffing myself with bread is kind of the dang funnest activity I could think of right then. Oh tiny little breads, how many of you can I squish into my tummy?

Eating here reminds me of when I was a kid and my Mom would make buns and she’d give me a bit of dough and I’d make tiny buns called “bundys”. I think I was probably on to something.

After B was done school, we met up in my former neighbourhood, Urawa. Did I mention I used to live here? Well, I did…for two week periods in 2008 and 2009. That’s living, right? You see, Maya and her wonderful family were kind enough to welcome me then and I luckily got invited back for a follow-up visit. Phew! I guess I must have not been too annoying… ha ha. And then there was Chobi…

Maya’s mother made a delicious feast of my absolute favourite dish, the almighty O-inari-sama.

O-inari-sama on the top left. I think I ate almost twenty! Or maybe seven. I don’t remember.

Juuuuust catching up on the local economy and whatever. You know, Japanese news stuff.

We were gifted with very pretty furoshiki and snacks for our hotel room. How kind! I also love their house because they have the most interesting little tchotckies.

Sweet pencil.

On a much, much sadder note, the next day, Chobi passed away. I like to think that he waited to see me again, though that seems rather unlikely. Yes, the dear, sweet, little white fluffy dog is gone, but not forgotten. RIP Chobi-chan.

Ps – just napping here, but this was my last picture of him. Wahhhh

On the train ride back into Tokyo, I had a very odd brainwave that we should go clubbing tonight. It’s odd because I don’t do clubbing. But it seemed like a good idea. And heck, if this passed-out salaryman in Shibuya can get his party on, so can we!

Those train guys couldn’t bother that guy if they poked him with a pig prong. He kept yelling at them to leave him alone and let him sleep. Right on.

So we went back home and went about prepping ourselves for the big night out. By “big”, of course I mean maximum two hours between leaving and arriving back. I’m getting too old for this stuff.

Yeah, I look like a vampire. I can’t help it, honest.

So we went, found the place, logged a couple of hours on the floor and called it a night. I did end up throwing back a couple of libations and wore sunglasses in the dark club (hello, it was hella smoky in there) but all in all, a successful night of young-person partying was under my belt. You know you are old when you call it “young-person partying”. Lots of English and they played…the Offspring? Um, I’m not even joking – they played “Pretty Fly for a White Guy”. Probably because there was some lame white chauch that requested it. Whateva. You can’t win ‘em all.

Oh yeah…and Ryo was there. Three days earlier.

(Day 11) The Pilgrimage

2010-09-15T23:59:00.005-07:00

Today was little baby’s first day of school! We packed her all up all kindergarten-style and, like any good set of guardians, chaperoned her to school. This involved navigating the tricky tunnels of Tokyo’s train system with a big suitcase during rush hour. We left the hotel late (naturally, of course, it seems to be a common theme these days) and so we were literally running for trains. Janelle struggles, so I do recall at some points I just grabbed her bag and hustled up and down stairs and then she ran the bag over some unsuspecting person’s foot. Ah, Tokyo might hate us today. After dropping little baby off in Hino, Sis and I headed yet further west into the Tokyo countryside.

Trust me, this is dang-near the barrens.

Arriving at the base of the mountain, we were certainly no longer in downtown Tokyo. The pace is slower, the atmosphere quieter, and the scenery decidedly greener. There were also a lot of old people with backpacks and walking sticks – time for a good, old-fashioned pilgrimage.

Our pilgrimage was particularly less rustic than those of the geris on their expedition – we took the chairlift up the mountain. What?

Before heading up, we stopped at the station’s convenience store run by a little old geri and picked up some snacks. All good expeditions have snacks. Once we arrived on the mountain, we had a little sit and stared into the trees and drank some Lindsay Lohan water.

The infamous Lindsay Lohan water.

Yes, I realize it actually says “I Lohas”, but you can’t blame me for confusing the two, can you? I proceeded to make comments such as I needed “more Lindsay” or “where’s my Lindsay?” She kept us so well-hydrated.

So, on top of this (sacred?) mountain, they had this great machine which brewed all kinds of hot beverages fresh for you. It also had the most gnarly giant moth sitting on top of it. Its wingspan was at least as wide as my face. Eeeek!

I didn’t want to remember the moth, so I didn’t take a picture. But, here I am, remembering.

We stopped at the set of benches and sat some more, sipping on our respective beverages (hers, hot, mine, Lindsay.) The view of the city was aiiiet from here too.

It would appear that this mountain is what separates Tokyo from the country. On the other side, it looked like this:

We continued our journey upwards on the mountain, toward the shrine and monastery.

I counted each bank of stairs as I climbed – 30 steps per set. Why?

Maybe this rock is telling me why – I can’t read, so I don’t know.

What’s this? Here’s my (un)educated guess – these are the names of all the Buddhist priests who have lived on this mountain since…the beginning of time? Yeah, I said it was (un)educated.

Ah yes, my infamous little dudes on a hill. Okay, maybe not infamous, but that’s just semantics.

So were you just asking yourself, “Why are those statues wearing bibs?” If so, you likely aren’t alone. In fact, Sis and I contemplated long and hard why every little statue was wearing a homemade bib. This blogger gives us the heads-up:

When you first see a statue at a little shrine or temple dressed in modern clothes, it looks like someone has been playing a sacrilegious joke. The truth is that they are adorning the statue in red in accord with the meaning of the color in Shinto and Buddhist culture. In Japan, red is seen as driving off demons or disease. Red bibs, hats, etc. on statues of deities has spiritual significance, despite the fact that it looks rather whimsical and frivolous.

Once we had trotted up and down the endless stairs at the shrine and saw some monks go by chanting, we headed back to the sitting area and went to a little soba shop for lunch. A soba shop on a mountain. I guess business is good? The geris on their expedition gotta eat somewhere.

That white creamy stuff on the top was not delicious. It was radish mush.

Though I thought we’d only end up spending a short time, it turns out we were on the mountain for a few hours. Time flies when you are staring at bibbed statues!

We were like celebrities going down the mountain. Everyone going up was waving at us. Or maybe there was something on our face? We’re such sisterlebrities.

We were to meet up with little baby sister in Tachikawa later in the afternoon so we headed there and then onwards to home for a brief respite before dinner…

An empty train! That doesn’t happen often. Or ever.

Wtf is this, you ask? This is IKKO. She is a transsexual who uses the brand of shaver I bought. I’m glad he she approves.

Dinner was in Ginza tonight, with a very old friend of Sis’s who she hasn’t seen in over 10 years, Maiko. Maiko was an exchange student in our tiny little prairie town for three years and now works in Tokyo. She’s also very sweet and brought along a friend to entertain us with, uh, a variety of stories.

Dinner was at Gonpachi, that of the famous chain from Kill Bill yadda yadda yadda. It’s different than the Nishi-Azabu cool one and ridiculously pricey. But it was fun!

After regaling stories and chatting about a variety of things, we moved the party a little closer to home at Akasaka Sacas. We sat for our first time at what would come to be known as “our table” at Grigio (okay, we sat their twice during the whole vacation, but I want it to appear home-like?) I had the most ridiculous drink, recommended as the best by Seraj – I’m now of the mind he has no idea what tastes good. But that likely doesn’t matter since he probably won’t hold good on his promise to take me to Lex at Christmas. But you don’t know anything about that, so whatever.

So.much.vodka.

We managed to stumble home quite easily from this distance. Yayyy!

Tomorrow is another chillax day – we are heading up north to visit my favourite stop in all of Saitama and then…we bring the party home with a raging night of clubbing. Yes, me. Clubbing. I’m going to try to pass for 22 or 23…

(Day 10) Less Money, Even Mo' Problems

2010-09-14T23:59:00.001-07:00

Officially in the home stretch of the vacay, I now feel comfortable spending some money. You know, at the beginning, you don’t want to spend too much because, I mean, who knows what else you’ll find, right? You want to be open to spending because WHO KNOWS. Well, at this point, I know. I think Sis was feeling the same because today we planned on opening our wallets like there is no tomorrow. And it would be fine if there wasn’t, because we can’t afford it. But tomorrow will come. (Unless the big earthquake hits us – eep!)

I’m loving some of the advertising I’ve been seeing the last few days…

YUM!

Our first stop was Shibuya where I was bringing some of my old designer goods to try to sell and make a few dollars before I blow them all in a fury at Comme des Garçons. Then we did some shopping and ate some ramen. Oh Ichiran…my love for you is unfailing and neverending.

UGH! Although hot ramen on a hot day only makes me hotter. But it was SO good. And their bathroom had a sweet idea so that it never runs out of toilet paper.

Can I do this to my bathroom without it looking weird?

At Shibuya’s conclusion, Sis had procured CdG boots and Miu Miu glasses – not bad so far. Then we headed off to Aoyama for the purchase of the trip – for both of us. But mine was decidedly stupider.

So one Prada bag (Sis) and one obscenely priced sweater and shoes later, we are headed down Omotesando to try and convince B into buying Chanel runners. No dice. But we did end up having some delicious crepes upon our arrival in Harajuku.

We headed back to the hotel to rest up for a while before heading back out to Shinjuku for shopping and dinner. We’ve hit up the entire downtown trifecta this evening! Dinner was okonomiyaki – a egg-cabbage pancake! Yummmm!

The drunk salarymen at the table beside us watched cautiously every time I went to flip the damn thing. Sheesh. Give me some credit people! They were drinking all kinds of green juice, like Ironman or something.

So that was our day. Pretty low-key day, besides ending it significantly poorer. I swear, this exchange rate is going to be the death of me. How else does a $350 sweater turn into a $450 sweater? WAHHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH

Tomorrow we resume our adventures far and wide and head out to Mt Takao and then meet up for dinner with one of Sis’s oldest high school buddies. It will be fun, oh yes, it will be fun.

(Day 9) Oh! Daiba

2010-09-13T23:59:00.004-07:00

This morning we headed into the southern-most part of central Tokyo, out to the sea. The humidity had reached a fever pitch today and one generally concludes that weather is usually cooler by the water. So we headed out to Shimbashi to catch the always-fun Yurikamome monorail line out to the island of Odaiba. Yes, we DID end up singing the monorail song from the Simpsons. I always do.

Once we arrived on the island, the heat was overwhelming. Whaaaat? Even with a parasol, the heat was relentless. But we hardly noticed the dripping of sweat down our backs, etc because it would be like noticing breathing already – something that just automatically happens while living. My poor sisters got dragged with me on my wanderings over to see where NEWS had filmed their Sakura Girl music video earlier this year…I’m sure it’s around here somewhere…

OH HERE IT IS!!!

INSERT PICTURE OF RYO GETTING SLAPPED HERE

INSERT PICTURE OF ERIN SLAPPING RYO HERE

Yeah! That’s for not telling me you were going to Lex tonight!!

Then the Shige benches:

Then the walking in slow-motion pathway:

Okay, so after absorbing all the music video scenes into memory, we headed up to Fuji TV to grab some desperate respite from the scorching heat and see if there’s any cool crap in the gift shop. I was heartily rewarded with a frackin’ huge Ryo poster. I think I drooled for real.

Ohyeshprz. If I was 16 again, I’d likely try to pry this off the wall and make my escape.

Cute little buck-toothed Gacchapin.

After Fuji TV and staring at the skyline, we headed over Aqua City to find some grub.

We ended up dining at this appropriately-titled place, the American Buffet. I wonder what kind of restaurant it will be like. Not.

Well, truthfully, it looked a hell of a lot classier than most American buffet places I’ve been to, what with their worn blue and cream carpets, torn-upholstery booths, ladies with those non-electric sweep vacuum things, etc…you get the idea. This place had hardwood floors and sweeping city views.

We did have an English-speaking waiter, but I think he was from Africa or something. And…WTF is up with their decidedly non-American-style desserts. I mean…do they really think THIS constitutes dessert:

”Oh my gosh, these jello cubes have me so stuffed, I don’t think I can eat it all!” Truthfully, I didn’t. Green isn’t my favourite.

We did some mall wandering and then wandered outside to another mall. Do you see a pattern? Tokyo is all about shopping, no matter where you go. It’s unavoidable.

Oh, it’s good to see Climate Change Bear still alive and crying. I was afraid he would be melted in this Tokyo heat, but he just keeps crying on.

And of course we had to head over to Decks to take in the Hong Kong-ness. I do the same crap every time I’m here. Sheesh.

Okay…do you want to see something really wild? Check out my ‘ceps. They are out of control!!

I would be proud…if I was a football player. I’m going to blame it on the lighting because…I hope to the good Lord above that my arms don’t really look like that.

Sister picture! Oh Sis…your pose is kracie.

We headed back out on to the boardwalk to take some night pictures. I was mildly successful since I don’t’ know how to use my camera. I’m ashamed.

Okay, this one’s not bad. The shutter took a full 20 seconds to close though.

We started the lengthy walk over to Palette Town on the south side of the island. If we had known the place was shut for renovations, you know, that would have been helpful. At least the Toyota showroom was open.

Here’s Sis and B driving by me on their self-driving car. I feel like a mom watching kids go on a ride.

While they were riding, I checked out some of the tres sweet Buicks they had up. My favourite had this total 1980’s interior.

They also had decked out a whole bunch of ist (I think?) cars with different themes – you know, like if you are a Lolita-goth, there’s a car for you too! Or if you like paper cranes and looking through Mt. Fuji decals, like this one:

A car with a bow!

After dorking-out over cars, we headed back into the sauna to ride the ferris wheel and create 16-minute memories. And Janelle wrote some terrible song to go along with that ridiculous slogan. Worst!

My pictures turned out awful, so I’ll post only two here.

Fully Daiba-ed out, we headed back into the city and over to Akihabara. Why? I don’t remember. Maybe we wanted to see some nerds.

I ran into the cutest little maid who was passing out flyers for a maid café. She started squawking at me in English that the café was “right there”, but, bless her heart, I had no intention of going. She was just so ridiculously pocket-sized and cute.

For our final feat of the day, we headed into the stadium-sized Yodobashi Akiba – an electronics store not recommended for the seizure-prone.

We stared at everything from Gucci bags to postcards to curling irons to bedroom fans. This store is ridiculous. After that, we headed home to recoup from the exhausting heat (but we should really have headed to Lex T.T)

Oh yeah! And we took some more purikura while in decks on the island…

Tomorrow we do a whole lot of nothing wandering around and doing…guess what? Shopping. We’ll spend an inordinate numbers of dollars. INORDINATE.

(Day 8) Attention Shoppers

2010-09-12T23:59:00.002-07:00

One week gone, one week to go. I don’t think Sis is looking forward to returning home just yet. She keeps shout-crying “WAHHH…WAHHH…WAHHH” every time we mention anything to that effect. Plus a lot of “I want to stay in Japan forever!” But she’ll eventually run out of money. I do that in less than my two week vacation. But whatevs. Today we headed to Ginza because I like it when the street is closed off to traffic. And that’s the only reason. Oh, and to go to Ragtag. But that’s it, I swear.

Ohyeapsyouhavenoideabutitwasinsanelyhotagain. Sweat sweat sweat.

We headed first to this stinky parmesan cheese mall that had Hello Kitty shops galore and a swanky bathroom.

For all Sis’s yapping about Hello Kitty, she didn’t buy a single item. And now we stank like parmesan cheese. We headed off to Ragtag next and I procured a CdG sweater with holes in it – but they are supposed to be there. It’s like ghetto chic! And then we went to a place for lunch that I marked down officially on my schedule as “some kanji place”. I can’t read.

Every piece of chicken here has skin on it. That stuff sticks to your intestines. All together now: ewwwwww

After lunch was a lot of wandering about shopping – big surprise. We hit up the massive Ginza Hands, Chanel, Mitsukoshi, etc etc etc the list goes on. But I always really think the Mikimoto Pearl building is the funnest.

The Mistukoshi was like a zoo of wild animals. Apparently this was their first day open since they did a renovation (though everything still looked like an old, stuffy department store) and they now had a delicious 1980’s style logo on their bags. Lovely.

We wandered some more and ended up in this one department store that smelled like pee. Japan’s got something for everyone.

We strolled through the token Gucci, LV, Prada shops – pretty much so we could just walk on their soft carpet. Do try it sometime! I think Prada’s is the softest.

And we did want to go into Hermes because…I mean, the building looked like this:

Sweet, right? But I’m so not into Hermes…I think it screams “stuffy Chinese lady” to me. I unno. But that building is ridiculous.

Since it was ridiculously humid once again, Sis got a migraine and so we decided to wind things down for the day. For dinner, we headed up into Fujiya and I got some charred gratin. WTF is with people burning my food here? Not preesed.

On my master plan I had decided we were going to head out to Tokyo Tower next, but since Sis was sickly, we sent her home and me and B headed out for karaoke in Akasaka. Yay! But talk about sticker shock. What we had thought was $5 karaoke turned into $20 – each. Worst. But fun!

Those delicious blue drinks cost $8 dollars each. What? We thought they were free. We can’t read. This is a problem.

So have I even taken a picture of our hotel yet? It’s so nothing special and I probably should have done it before we threw our crap everywhere and messed it up, but here’s a slight shot…

Tomorrow we are heading out to Odaiba and hope above all else that it is cooler there because it is close to the sea. But we’ll be wrong – because tomorrow is the hottest day of the whole trip. Please melt along with me.

(Day 7) Fashion Night Out

2010-09-11T23:59:00.003-07:00

Today it became increasingly apparent that Japan is working hard for me to meet my early demise through heat exhaustion. Save me! I’m melting….melting…oh cruel world… Anyway, today we were to join some friends at Tokyo’s entertainment epicentre, Tokyo Dome and its amusement park, LaQua. We decided to meet at the station and then grab some lunch at the park..which is outdoors. Gah! It’s definitely a white clothes and parasol day. And white would be fine, if I didn’t sweat right through it within the first five minutes! Cruel world indeed.

Forrest Gump wuz here.

After wandering about for what felt like an eternity, we finally settled on NEWS Deli, which accordingly had news stations on TVs around the place. Ugh. I won’t even say exactly how sweaty I was because you don’t need to know. And I should try to forget out of fear of post-traumatic stress. To overcome such dire heat, I ordered some delicious honey toast to eat away my worries.

Charred corners! Worst. I bet it was the sun shining through the window. Wait – this is Tokyo and the sun doesn’t shine through the pollution smog. So it must have been the oven. Boo.

What beautiful people.

It was so cool in here I never wanted to leave. But we had to…I don’t want to eat burnt toast all day and, let’s be honest, that would be really boring.

So the story was, as it is most days, we did some shopping at the mall, Sis bought stuff, and then we chilled sitting during the dog hours of the afternoon. B, Maya, and Yukimi wanted to ride the kracie roller coaster and since Sis and I are old and prone to migraines, we waited it out at Starbucks. I had some delicious orange Tazo smoothie thing which apparently is only in Japan. Yummm.

I swear this is the coaster they were on. But it jetted by at 5,000 MPH so I can’t be sure really.

We bummed around and then bummed around more before heading back to the station to hop on the train downtown. Also, it seems to get dark ridiculously quickly here.

We ended up in Lumine Shinjuku at Wired Café for dinner. I had some runny-egg salad.

I think that little plop of green stuff in the foreground is wasabi. Ew…I really need to learn the kanji for that.

After dinner Yukimi needed to head back on the 10-hour train ride home. It’s ridiculously far, but maybe not quite 10 hours…whatever. She should stayed with us because our next activity of the night consisted of a bareback man with a strange horse mask and giant wings. And crowds and crowds of outrageously expensive wardrobe types. Welcome to Vogue’s Fashion Night Out, Tokyo style.

Like, what is going on here?

This kids had some sick MJ skills. Rad.

Basically our night consisted of wandering up and down Omotesando grabbing free drinks wherever we could get them (which explains our invasion of the Camper, Theory, and Kate Spade) and getting lost in the events at Omotesando Hills. I was in fashion heaven. And I was wearing a Joe Fresh Style skirt and a vest from Uniqlo. Wahhhhh! I picked a bad day to look so…unfashionable. You see, my skirt was black and faded …

Our last spot was where we scored this gem – our own bottles of chardonnay. Where else but my favouritest brand, Comme des Garçons. They took good care of us. They also went all out in the decoration of their shops. I love it!

We also managed to score some sweet CdG pins for the event because, let’s face, it we deserved it after all the money we were dropping at CdG’s around the city. What a way to end the night – good friends, sweet booze, and fashion, fashion, fashion galore. I never want this night end.

(Day 6) Caped Crusaders

2010-09-10T23:59:00.003-07:00

How can we follow-up two jam-packed and thrilling days at Disney? Well, like any sane person would - sit our asses down and do nothing. But nothing isn’t possible in Tokyo when you are on vacation. So we headed to Shibuya to take it easy and just let our money do the talking. We took the short journey from our ‘hood to the hotspot three stops down.

What’s this? Oh, no big deal. We’ve arrived in Shibuya.

Our first order of business was to tackle the monstrosity that is Shibuya 109 – a tube-like department store that is likely to give the most healthy person a pounding headache. Being the ever-industrious team we are, we decided to head to the top first and work our way down.

Their poster. Funny, this is also what it felt like in my head the whole time too.

Me and Janelle made friends with this hipster guy with long black hair, sunglasses and a trucker cap in a wheelchair. It was baffling. He waved to us though, giving us a big smile each time we came near him. Eventually it started to creep me out, so we started avoiding him. Haaa! I mean, why was he there? 109 is an all-girls shopping tube.

For lunch, we headed over to the L’Occitane Cafe at the Shibuya crossing because of Ryuusei no Kizuna. Well, that and we were hungry and it was close. What a view!

That’s a lot of pictures of my lunch, isn’t it? But it was expensive, so I had to get my “money’s worth”. You know how it is.

After our relaxing lunch, we headed back down to street level to continue our shopping. So far all I’d bought was an over-sized pearl necklace. Surely I am holding back.

Janelle, horribly bored waiting for Sis to pick out the best rug for her bathroom. It took a while.

Oh yes, I remember – today was hot. Do you know I remember? From this picture:

You see, we had crepes because there was a crepe stand and we love them. But I guess I can’t read Japanese and so I ordered a HOT crepe. The most unpleasant crepe ever. I was just pouring sweat over my piping-hot crepe. Lovely.

After I purchased some exorbitantly-priced harem/diaper pants from Comme des Garçons, we headed over to the GAP, where I sat and people-watched (and had them watch me, curiously enough) for a long-ass time. Then it was off to Opening Ceremony. Don’t worry – all this detail is building to something involving a cape.

See? I told you a cape was involved.

Long story-short, Sis bought this ridiculously sweet Alexander Wang cape. I kind of super really want one now.

After some more wandering and some more cash spent (thanks, Ragtag), we settled in for a cheap dinner of spaghetti soup at Miami Garden.

Strange, but delicious.

Oh yeah! And somewhere along the way today, we managed to snap our first purikura. Um, yes, awesome.

Ahhh…I can feel the Disney tension receding. Tomorrow we’ll meet up with friends at Tokyo Dome…and then attend the fashion event of the year with Vogue! (Well, it’s only the fashion event of the year to us common folk who don’t get invited to fashion week…boo.)