(Day 9) Bees Sting

After a final farewell drink at The ‘Bou (not pictured), we headed back up the 494W and onwards back to good old North Dakota. This trip was fraught with emotion as the traffic was less than free-flowing heading out of the city. Aaaaand, this turned out be because they blocked off all but one lane to replace a sign on an overpass. If any of you know my Father (or have heard about anger and complaints in general), this was simply unacceptable. He will never be driving to Minneapolis again. The end.

In Alexandria, we had to visit a Harley dealership (see: Midlife Crisis). I lay in the back for what felt like forever. Wahhh



Eventually we made it to Fargo and checked into our little hotel. After some preliminary shopping at West Acres where I hummed and hawed at shoes for over an hour, we headed to Applebees for dinner.



Everything was looking promising and delicious until I requested vinegar for my French fries. The waitress brought me a little container and I proceeded to dump it all over my fries (like I’m wont to do with vinegar.) Then, I ate one. HA! Joke’s on me. Turns out she had brought me oil instead of vinegar. Wtf. I was so angry immediately. Then I biatched about it to the other waitress and I finally got some real vinegar. But I was upset. Wahh again. Serious wahh-ing.


Not oil. I just can get over it – who WOULD request oil for on their fries?

For our night cap today, guess where we went? NOT The ‘Bou! After buying some moccasins at Scheels (which had a ferris wheel inside the store – odd) and enjoying looking at junk in Target, we headed to the Cold Stone Creamery. Here is when I presented my Pappy with his birthday ‘Bou gift card! He was like a little kid at Christmas.



And, that’s it. Just a shawty blog for y’all today. Tomorrow is my last day of vacation so I might have a single tear of sadness. I don’t want to go back to work! Wahhhh

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(Day 8) MOAr

The Mall of America is, in a word, ridiculous. I mean, it really is. For a serious shopper like me, it can either be an amazing haul or nothing at all because it is just too much. You gotta be in the mood to shop like this. Thankfully I had a good sleep the night before to help me rest up for the big day. I strapped on my athletic gear, did some stretches, and drank some coffee at The ‘Bou to keep the energy up. Will there be a Gatorade station along the way?




I’m not gonna front…I squealed with excitement as we drove by the sign. Yeah, I was here last night, but it’s better during the day.

I LOVED Camp Snoopy back when it was, well, Camp Snoopy. Some of the rides are the same but I couldn’t figure out heads or tails how much it cost to ride any of the current rides. All I saw were wristbands for little kids. Have they shut me out?



I am a firm believer that shopping is still successful when few items are purchased. The first items bought were some souvenirs for my nearest and dearest – these rad “Pets Rock” air fresheners and some magnets that have the F word all over them. HA HA HA HA HA. I’m lame/how inappropriate. Mom and I met for lunch and enjoyed some pizzas at Wolfgang Puck’s near Nordstrom. We then perused the wares at Nordstrom and every sales person in the store seemed to want to comment on my hair/accessories/outfit and then tried to sell me something that I would “totally rock”. This one girl tried to sell me a $1500 Givenchy bag that looked like a lunch cooler. Then, she tried to sell me some brown suede shoulder bag with fringe (ew). Then, she tried to sell me a Balenciaga clutch for $1200. She didn’t seem to get the hint, but I’m assuming she did when I didn’t buy anything she kept shoving at me.

Mid-afternoon was time, once again, for a ‘Bou Break. We even had Jesus as our cashier.









I finished my marathon in just over six hours. Yay me! The only other stuff I bought was $100 worth of cosmetics at Sephora. So…yeah. I could have just gone to Seattle to get the same stuff, but whatever. I had fun. We left the mall and headed into burbia for some Old Country Buffet. It was like a barn with tables and melted ice cream everywhere. After stuffing ourselves feeding trough-style, we had to stop at a Dodge dealership so I could stare through the window and watch my Dad look at cars. I’ve spent probably 6 percent of my life doing this very same activity.


Yeah…I mean, it COULD be a mid-life crisis thing.

On our way home, my Mom and I made my Dad stop at every possible big box store that may have some better varieties of K-Cups in stock. No luck. But I did find some other treasures.




Aren’t these capris amazing? But here’s their secret:

I believe they are slimming because everyone is too busy staring at the rainbow dots embroidered into the denim that no one notices how fat you are.



And, at last, the day closes much how it began, at The ‘Bou.




Someone is tuckered right out.

And with that, we begin to close the Minneapolis chapter. Tomorrow we head towards home, stopping in Fargo for the night. Here, someone at Applebees tries to make me hideously fat on purpose…stay tuned.

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(Day 7) The 'Bou

We started our day at The ‘Bou. Yeah, I mean, the real name is Caribou Coffee, but I call it ‘The ‘Bou’ because the guys in The Lonely Island say that if “you say the entire word, it takes time, and then you wouldn't be young anymore.” So, yeah. The ‘Bou. It was so hot and humid today that when we showed up at The ‘Bou, it was like this:


(Not to be confused with 'The ‘Bu'.)

Drinking at The ‘Bou can be touch-and-go…it’s Amurrica, right? So everything is sweet to the point of being sickly. I tried a whole whirlwind of ‘Bou drinks during my trip and some things were better than others…so yeah. The ‘Bou.



For a change of pace, I told my parents I wanted to head into downtown to check out the scene there and go to Neiman Marcus. To be honest, there wasn’t much to see and Neiman Marcus sucked the big one…but I ate at Chipotle. Sold. Whatever they are selling, I’m buying. DAMN what a good burrito.




Look at the lil’ guy, just lying there waiting to be eaten. *nom nom nom*

After shelling out $24 for parking for about two hours (at which my Father balked – probably rightfully so), we headed back into burbia to Ridgedale Centre for some malling. I bought stuff! Look at me go! Well, it was mostly pants for work. Big whoop. When I headed to the washroom, I was pretty surprised to learn that the mall washroom has a Facebook page. That’s crazy. What is this world coming to?



We went to Costco next and my Ma and I had such an exciting time scouring the racks at Costco in Amurrica. So many new things to see! My Mom bought an ice cream maker.





That night after dinner at Ruby Tuesday I got my start into the Mall of America. I felt like a kid again! I remember the first time I was at the MOA…I adored Camp Snoopy and was hell-bent on buying shirts from Planet Hollywood and the Banana Republic (Banana wasn’t in Canada yet at that point.) I remember I also go this rad striped Airwalk shirt. I was with my sisters. Janelle’s feet smelled bad because she was a little kid and wore cheap sandals. Uwa~!





Camp Snoopy no longer….wahhhhhh






I really love those fat bears at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. So cute-fat.





I hardly made it around half of the bottom floor before closing time. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. After shopping my little heart out, Mom wanted Dairy Queen and thankfully there was one beside our hotel. They were closing in 10 minutes so we hurried…but then after closure, a group of about 10 people walked in. Poor DQ staffers.



Tomorrow I’m going hard in the MOA. I’m sort of tempted by a bunch of stuff at Nordstrom, but I’ll try not to be.

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(Day 6) Road Tripping

I haven’t made a bed in the backseat of my parents’ vehicle in YEARS (who am I? Janelle?) because, well, I haven’t been road-tripping with them in years. My chance to re-live this bit of my childhood arrived today with our early morning departure for America. I grabbed a blanket and pillow and did my best to stretch out in the backseat of my parents’ Toyota Venza. After my first nap, I woke up in the playground of my teenage band years – Grafton, ND.



I remember the first time we attended a show at H’s place, the poster said “Look for the giant “H” in the sky.” We had no idea what this meant, but when we arrived, there was the massive antenna in the sky. H’s is where we played some of the best shows of our short career. It was also here that we were supposed to open for the Ataris (who never ended up coming, btw), as well as where we opened for the Huntingtons and Hangnail. In its heyday, H’s was THE place to see shows for the southern MB crowd. And today, here it was…H is gone and so are the shows. It just felt very empty, so passing through was short and bittersweet.

After visiting the outlet malls at Albertville and letting money flow out of my wallet at some clearance bookstore (I bought two!), the rest of the drive was filled with sleep. Yay! I woke up as we were driving down the 494 into Bloomington, MN, where our Priceline-reserved hotel awaited. I bid $42 and we got the Doubletree by Hilton. Not to shabby!



My vote for dinner was the Cheesecake Factory. And, I won. Fcuk, (the brand, not the swear, though I am using it as a swear) it was hot outside! Like, oppressive, humid air death.Blah.




My fatty grease-filled Chicken Bellagio.

After stuffing myself (a common theme in my blogs), we headed into the attached mall. I stared down the shelves at Ulta with J.Biebs.



Yeah, yeah…koo. That was my day. Well, I went to Barnes and Noble too and then some grocery store called ‘Cub’. But tomorrow we bust out the proverbial big guns and get down to srs bsnss shopping. And probably get started on some serious “Bou”-ing. Yay! The ‘Bou!

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(Day 5) Misplaced Memories

After going to my morning appointment to have my stitches removed from my back, we went to visit my Gramps before heading off into the wild blue Amurrica tomorrow. I love going through my Grandpa’s photo albums because I find so many…treasures within. Ha!


My Gramps and dearly departed Grans wedding. My Mom was telling me she lost weight just for her wedding; makes sense because this is way skinnier than she ever was when I was a kid.


Cute! Young Kaitlyn and Matthew…


LOLOLOL! There are going to be a few people in this photo who will hate it. I’m jus standin’ there…lookin’ like I’m knacking zot.


My family at its most trailer-park-ish. Janelle is just dangling there…lol.


Me, back when I was Justin Bieber. Also, Janelle and Carlin. At least they are cute.




Oi! No wonder I hate turtlenecks to this very day.




Omg…I loved that sweater when I got it – it had two fringe horse manes on either sleeve.


Baby Matthew, when he was just fresh into this world.




Holy crud I had some awful hair. And I reeeeally loved Carlin – I’m hugging him in every photo! (Why does Janelle look so cranky?)


Moustache. That’s all I need to say.

After our trip down memory lane, we left for the big city. We went to Costco first and I decided against the Armani watch because I found it cheaper online. Good heavens! What did I do before the advent of mobile browsing?! After that we headed to St. Vital and I enjoyed some Second Cup. WHY DON’T WE HAVE THESE ON THE WEST COAST?







For dinner, my Mom had heard of this Mexican restaurant she wanted to try and all she knew was that it was “near confusion corner” and it was “down some steps”. Ridiculously enough, we actually ended up finding it, despite being stuffed in a back alley parking lot…it’s called La Bamba and it was quite tasty. To get there, we drove through my old ‘hood from my days as a first-time homeowner in the ‘Peg.


Good ol’ Morley.





On the way home, I spotted a DOUBLE RAINBOW. The first one is easily seen, but you can see the second one, much lighter, to the right.




I love rainbows! (Who doesn’t?) But it’s even better when there are two!

I love prairie skies.





Ahhhh. Tomorrow we begin our adventure southward. We are doing the six-hour trek over to Minneapolis so I can act like a kid again and do some shopping at the Mall of Amurrica. I’m going to spend spend spend!

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