Whistler in Hipstamatic

With the excitement of Vegas subsiding and a large medical insurance claim still outstanding, July rolled around and we received some visitors of the Manitoba kind. One blustery weekend (yes, in July), we headed up to Whistler and I captured the day with my now-shoddy iPhone 3GS. Don’t laugh at me.

Snow storm in July. I was not appropriately dressed.












I got all patriotic feeling again and I almost started crying.








I want to go back when it’s not snowing…so, never?

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(Day 4) Walter and I

Yesterday I almost bled out. Today, it happened again. Did I die? No, but maybe I was close. This time though, instead of eventually running dry, I was left with one little vein that had just detached itself and hung there, seeping blood continuously. I decided it was time to head to the hospital as I did eventually need to get inside a pressure-filled airplane for the ride home later. Happy Birthday Janelle, I’m off to the hospital and the spa appointments are on hold.

Arriving in the lobby, I asked the doorman to summon me a taxi to take me to the hospital. Instead he summoned the house car, a black Mercedes S-Class driven by my new buddy, Walter. I sunk into the plush leather seats in the black as Walter soothed my worries with his kind words all the way to the emergency room.

The emergency room had one old couple in it and some chatty nurse-types in the check-in window. The whole process of hospital care in America was very different than I’m used to in Canada – zero privacy, brash personalities, and treatment by the Doctors’ Ph.D. students’ student assistant. Two full levels from a real doctor. The student guy looked like your regular, all-American football player in a doctors coat. He kept saying, “Mmmmmkay” after every answer I gave to his questions and he did not listen to my answers at all. And then he’d smile this really-toothy grin. I could hear him when he reported to his supervisor about me – he got so many things wrong. She then checked me out and had to school him on what he should have noticed. She then silver-nitrated the hell out of my nose, burning the skin around my nostril hole until it was black.



Then, after the doctor had eaten lunch and taken his afternoon nap, he came by to check it out and tell me that Vegas is ridiculously dry and I should lube up my nose with Vaseline next time. Then he sent me on my merry way to the cashier. $1,500 USD later, I’m summoning Walter again for my pick-up.

I arrived back at the hotel to find a disgruntled little Janelle packing up my crap. We checked out and then headed over to the Monte Carlo from exotic Subway sandwiches. After that was the spa appointments which were previously scheduled 20 minutes after the start my nosebleeds. The Chinese detoxifying foot spa treatment was glorious.





Three cheers for non-pedicure foot treatments! Ugh. Janelle and I both fell asleep.

After the spa came dinner at Wolfgang Puck Pizzeria & Cucina – both Janelle and I weren’t so impressed. We were just both feeling kind of nauseous at that point and the food was mediocre at best.


I ate a small bush.


If you know Janelle, the look says it all.



We spent our last minutes in Vegas at Aria, gambling. It was probably good that we waited until the last to do our gambling because Janelle got swept up into it so quickly. She won though, so I guess that’s when it’s good to be into gambling. I think I came away completely even. After trickling the time by, we headed home to the Mandarin to join Walter in the car one more time, for our final journey to the airport. I’m going to miss being chauffeured around.




We ate dinner number two at this little café completely staffed by little Spanish ladies wearing short striped dresses and white orthopedic runners.

And with that, we made it back to Bellingham (annoying partying cougar ladies in tow once again.) The guy at the border let me over with twice my exemption limit. And free health care abounds. I love Canada.

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(Day 3) Bloody Sunday

”That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas…”

The day started out reasonably normal – we were getting ready and I had just washed my hair, when every hole in my face started spilling blood (except my eyes – do they count as face holes?) Once I started to realize how much I was losing, I started to panic, which sent poor little Janelle into a panic. I made her pull out my health insurance card and call them, while I remained hovering about the bathroom sink. Two hours and an entire box of Kleenex later, I coughed up my last blood clot. Heavens! I really didn’t want to go to the hospital in America – they charge lottery-level amounts of money for just a glance. So we cautiously headed on our merry way, back onto the strip to explore on this (apparently) bloody Sunday.

We ate lunch at The Sporting House Bar & Grill at New York New York, for which I had the foresight to buy a Groupon. They had a TV at every table with every sport at your fingertips! This would be a good place to come to during playoffs…







We boarded the bus and headed out of town, into the desert. I wanted to go to this supposedly fabulous Designer Clearance store out in the annex of the outlet mall (touted as so fabulous in FASHION magazine), and so we trudged in the unrelenting heat where only tumbleweeds roam.



Sure, they had some Giuseppe Zanotti shoes and the occasional Proenza Schouler dress, but at $650, it was still a little steep. We drowned our sorrows with some super-super-sized Chilled Glaces at the nearest McDonalds. America, ya’ll.

We eventually made our way back into town, but not before Janelle managed to make friends with some creeper named Reggie at the bus stop. Why, Janelle, why oh why must you always make friends with some weirdies? This guy randomly asked her if she had any paper bills in the course of a “normal” conversation and she pointed out that he kept eyeing her LV bag. YEAH. Exactly why we keep to ourselves in America!



We took the bus down to the far end of the Strip where we finished yesterday and I gave in to my weak will against those ridiculous Linda Farrow glasses at Saks. Sheesh.









I was beside myself when I remembered that the Wynn houses one of the Alexander McQueen flagships – DEAD.



I didn’t buy anything…after all, I had already bought the Prada flats yesterday and the obscene Linda Farrow glasses today, so I just looked…with my hands…at every piece in the store. Seriously, running your fingers over Alexander McQueen creations is just a little bit glorious.



We finally managed to get some waitress to give us drinks when sitting in a casino! Janelle was thrilled so in order to keep the drinks coming, she gambled away $5 verrrry slowlllly.



The Palazzo and the Venetian were next…grandious as they were, the shopping malls were a little dearth.




Less humid than the real thing.







After battling the crowds at the Venetian for a place to eat, we settled for this little “al fresco” place…that we shovelled down at a record pace because our bus tickets were going to expire. Heh…



Once we made it home, we got ready for clubbing once again – the Sunday night spot in Vegas for sure has to be The Bank at the Bellagio…you’ll see why when you get inside…







We were on the guest list again and this time we were VIP’s…good taste, Bank! We danced for hours straight in the VIP section on top of a booth of some very accommodating Italian boys. It was everything you imagine Vegas to be – free-flowing Grey Goose, killer DJs, beautiful people, invites back to the Penthouse suite for the after-party (for real – lol), and dollar bills falling from the ceiling. Janelle and I, being the Mennonites that we are, grabbed a total of $52 between the two of us – only in Vegas. We danced well into the early hours of Janelle’s birthday – and what a party it was. We arrived back at the hotel room to take in the last night views of Vegas before our departure tomorrow.

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