Sticky & Sweet

On October 30, things got really sticky and sweet. What kind of things, you ask? Well, probably the floor of BC Place Stadium in Vancouver. Severely fatigued and jet-lagged thanks to my fresh return from Japan, I was dragged (yeah, I’m calling it that) to Vancouver mid-week to attend the biggest concert of the year, Madonna.

Janelle drove into Surrey and we took the Skytrain down to Waterfront for dinner before the show, which was to start at 7:30. We both ate pizzas at Aqua Riva before heading down to the mayhem that was occurring around and inside the stadium. We followed the herds that came off the Skytrain outside and down the wet streets, to where we assumed the stadium would be. Similar to the NEWS concert, I could tell when fellow train-riders were also concert-goers as the Madonna attendees wore either a lacy ensemble a la ‘Like a Virign’, a cone bra from whatever period that was, pimp clothes from the ‘Music’ era, or total ‘80s from her ‘Material Girl’ days. Okay, no one was wearing pimp clothes, but the rest was true. There were also girls just randomly also dressed-up as hoes. Perfect.

As I just returned from the land of a generally well-behaved public, I was aghast to discover the heathens that surrounded me now – swearing a blue streak, pot-smoking, boob-flashing, public make-out sessions…eeee! Save me! Who are these creatures? Oh yeah, they are lame-brain 30-somethings who never out-grew their Madonna phase.

Janelle and I managed to wedge ourselves through the crowds and into the stadium, where we didn’t fare much better. The concourse was loaded full of people lining up to buy the (outrageously-priced) merch …a t-shirt for $45? Geeze. After enduring a trip to the washrooms (where girls would scream from in the stall that people should flush more, etc), we navigated our way to our seats and settled in for the long wait; Madonna was to come on at 9:00, and it was only 8:00. I got our tickets through my friend Kathryn from work (thanks Kathryn!) and there were several other coworkers also attending.


These are $200, non-scalper-bought seats. I must say, I was a bit disappointed with how far away we were for paying so much…but let me tell you, I am NOT a concert person (unless you are dancing Japanese boy band.)

At 9:28 PM, the b that is Madonna took the stage. I was so tired, but decided to soldier through it. Do you want to see my pictures from the mile away that I was? Here they are anyways:












Oi…I can see her six-pack from here.



After the first set of songs, my batteries began their journey to death…and a quick death it was. I coaxed them back to life several times before they kicked the bucket for good. Boo.






Madonna inside some swirly thing.














The masses, basking in the afterglow.






Bye bye Madonna.

I gotta say that the lady’s got a bangin’ bod (if a bit too mannish for my tastes) but her face is a bit hollow and decrepit-looking. I don’t blame her though, she was going through some tough times right then…or whatever. Anyways, by the end, I was pretty much an empty container since my brain had long since melted into a puddle of goo. After her last song, the people were chanting for an encore, but Janelle and I booted it out of there asap since I was on the short-path to becoming an invalid. Turns out Madonna don’t do no encore…she seems like a bit of a cow, so I’m not surprised, really.

As Janelle and I walked towards the Skytrain station, we linked arms (pretty much so I would stay upright) and were approached by a young gentleman…er, dude and had the following exchange:
Dude: “Hey, do you girls know where the lesbian bar, Licks, is?”
Janelle: “No, sorry.”
I guess we look like lesbians. Just thought I’d let you know…linked arms = lesbians. Possibly.