By Land and Sea

Today was Jean and me’s last adventure with her tourism passport. After two years of gallivanting around the Fraser Valley without paying a red cent to do some very fun activities, we will now be relegated to paying out the green along with you other common folk. Sadness will ensue. But first, we have our escapade of the day – Landsea Tours’ ‘North Shore Capilano Suspension Bridge & Grouse Mountain Tour’. But you know…this tour is fantastic, so I’d actually probably pay to take it. But now you won’t have to either, with my pictures and witty commentary, what could be better?

The day started with our pickup at the Hyatt – we boarded the little mini-bus and stalked our way to the back because we are moody emo kids. We also brought along delicious snacks, consisting of Breton crackers and Goldfishes. I love these tours because they introduce me to my own backyard, which I’d never take the time to do otherwise.


Canada Place






Look familiar? No? Imagine about a thousand people standing about a big flame on top of that giant pile of sticks. Yes! Suffice to say this area is not so popular now that the Olympic flame has gone out.



Me and Jean were resting easy as we sailed through downtown and Stanley Park. My favourite bridge, the Lion’s Gate, was next and I caught such a beautiful sight from there:


Ugh…so lucky to live here.

Our first official stop was the Capilano Fish Hatchery.



The facility was free and – oh! The air was fresh up in the mountains! I dig very much. We learned about how the salmons (yes, I realize there is no “s” on the end of salmon to make it plural) committed suicide and then learned to climb ladders and things. Smart salmons!


This is the ladder the salmons climb so they don’t commit suicide (salmoncide?)


And a side of frys. A hahahahaha – do you get it? Salmon fry? Probably not.

Since we were up in the bushy wilderness of North Vancouver, there was much “Canadian-ness” to absorb.











The whole reason for the fish ladder was because of the Cleveland Dam – the concrete behemoth that holds back the Capilano Lake. The spray was majestic. (Do you like my superlatives?)





After our spur-of-the-moment bath in dam water, we boarded the mini-bus again and headed on down to the Capilano Suspension bridge. Who doesn’t love a really swingin’ (literally) bridge? Let’s see how many freaked out Chinese tourists we can spot.






WOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooah





As you can see, both sides of the bridge provide a pretty hefty drop. And somehow I can never visit this bridge without someone bringing up the fact that a lady threw (“dropped”) her baby off of it. Did I mention they now have psychological screening at the entrance point? Just kidding they don’t. Just kidding, they do, but only for women. Just kidding, it’s for babies. Just kidding it’s actually drug testing on babies. Just kidding it’s actually administering drugs. Just kidding how would I know, I didn’t even go through the entrance. Just kidding, I did.



Any good Ewok aficionado worth their salt knows about how the Treetops Adventure at Capilano Bridge turns into Ewok village at night. To that end, I hummed and tried to sing the Ewok chanting song from Star Wars Episode 6, Return of the Jedi.








WHAOOOOOOooooooo



I get really caught up in using my camera sometimes that the pictures I take are downright boring…like this one:







Welp, long story short, I conquered the Capliano site with ease. To prove it, they gave me a certificate.


I wonder how many Chinese tourists didn’t get this. Seriously – go there. You’ll see what I mean.

The next stop on our North Shore assault was Grouse Mountain – the scene of the crime where we met a real jackass last year. We boarded once again into the B.O.-filled car of the gondola and lurched towards the top of the mountain.









I once again ran into my friend, little mukmuk or whatever the thing’s name is:



We saw one of the sweet theatre in the sky shows, got ripped off at the café, I poked around in the snow for a while…all in all a far more successful trip than last years’.










This little dude was throwing down some mad rhymes! Or swearing at me under his breath for taking a picture of him. Whatevs.



At last, we boarded B.O. CAR 1 again to head back to the mini bus. I held my breath for as long as one reasonably could, and moved on to concentrating on mouth breathing. Worst.

Our last drop-off point was Lonsdale Quay and we were given tickets to ride the Seabus over at our leisure. Jean and I did a bit of fruit picking at the market before journeying back to the mainland.













What a fun bunch of hours. And while I mourn the death of Jean’s tourism pass, I will celebrate the great times – from disturbing morgues to petting turkeys – that we’ve shared for free.

RIP.