Darth Vader Plays The Violin

When I was younger, Easter was typically a time for me to trudge along to the various family gatherings and jam myself full of chocolate and varying foods from the feast for 30-40 people. Since we’ve moved off to the nether-lands of BC, the family is limited and usually too busy to congregate. This year, our small family of two headed on a small adventure off to Vancouver Island to see what kind of things lay in wait. It has been three years since I was in Victoria (thanks Jean!) so it was high time to revisit. Feeling ambitious, we packed only small shoulder bags and drove to Tsawwassen to walk over and rely on the public transit system alone to cart us about. This should be cheap and easy!



As it was Good Friday, the traffic (not to mention border line-ups!) were horrendous on our way down to the port and the sailing was pretty jamming. Since we were foot passengers, we boarded without incident and before we knew it, we were singing the Lonely Island song, “I’m On A Boat”, featuring T-Pain. Whee!







As not a seat was to be had and it was flipping cold and windy on deck, we sat on the floor near the gift shop. Primo spots, if I do say so myself, since the floor was clean. Only 1 hour and 45 minutes later, we arrived in lovely Schwartz Bay.

Hopping on the big double-decker bus that would whisk us into downtown Victoria, I ended up sitting near a lady who loved the sound of her own voice and provided me with much to eavesdrop on during the 45-minute ride. We arrived in the downtown at around 3:00 PM – what a journey, considering that we left at 10:30 AM. We walked straight downtown to check into our hotel and were greeted with the strangest yet not fully-unbelievable sight.



I bet sci-fi nerds didn’t even know that tidbit about his life. Consider yourselves informed.

Since I won’t travel to Victoria for just any reason, it was only when we reserved at the stately and elegant Fairmont Empress that I decided it was worth my time. I’ve been waiting for this for some time!



Funnily enough, when we wanted to check in, they had no record of my reservation. They then proceed to charge some poor sap’s Mastercard for our stay and then charged him again before reversing both charges and actually charging me. Maybe the check-in girl was thrown off by our lack of luggage and fancy car needing valet. I don’t blame her really.

Our room was on the top floor (no big deal!) but had a sucky view of all the other windows on the backside of the hotel. It had really high ceilings, so it was somewhat redeeming. But then again, the furniture was really sagged-out and dated. I’ll just chalk it up to being “an experience”.




I love window seats!


This is our sucky view.


Nothing special here…


The beauteous harbour from our sixth floor lobby.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not complaining about the hotel, since we got a good rate. It’s just always interesting to stay at these historic hotels and see how they balance the new demands of consumers while maintaining their antique-y feel. Just sayin’.

Since we had dumped what little luggage we had off, we headed out to check out the city. Marty had never been here before so I had to show him the sights.






No protests going on out here today.

For the rest of you who have never been, our capital here in BC is very old-timely feeling. I even suggested that Marty and I go get one of those old Western-style photos where I dress up in a poofy dress and he’s a cowboy. Er, I guess that isn’t quite the same, but I did actually suggest it.



Another plus of our visit was the cherry blossoms going nuts over there.





A necessity when visiting Victoria is to see their Chinatown – not that there is actually anything cool there except the interesting structures and smelly convenience stores that are going out of business.



Oh! And how could I forget? The main road through Chinatown also leads to the entrance to my favourite little hole in the city, Fan Tan Alley.


So shady. I love it.





Though the alley is actually fairly well-known, Jean and I discovered it as our own little exciting hole on our last journey. I decided to continue with the tradition and I ended up buying the most awesome pair of tights from the seedy-looking Heart’s Content – for your everyday hooking needs. Ah, it’s actually not that seedy, but they have lots of British punk stuff and you know how that can easily be incorporated in the wardrobe of prostitutes. Moving along…

I kind of felt like we were down one of those back alleys in movies where two doofuses barge into some Chinese gang’s hideout and they are playing cards and it’s all dark and some big burly dude is there asking who they work for and stuff. Do you know what I mean? No?



We found a bunch of other cool shops, Marty got some shoes, we bought some hi-lar-ious cards at this stationary shop (some of you readers may be receiving one shortly), and then hunkered down for dinner at the Keg (courtesy of my parents – thanks!) We then headed back to our hotel after picking up convenience store snacks (can’t do without those naturally) and settled in for a night of Two and Half Men and a show about trading spouses (but not actually the show ‘Trading Spouses’). The trading spouses show was hilarious as this one couple was obsessed with entering sweepstakes and finding bottle caps in parking lots. I laughed, Marty slept. I also watched a gooder about this nanny in London who was dealing with a devil child. Sample line: “I’VE GOT TEETH YOU KNOW! I’M GOING TO BITE YOU!” Ha ha ha. Moving along…

We decided to go for an evening stroll on the harbour and explore the wonders of the capital.






Just your average severed head on a window sill.

Exploring the supposedly-haunted Empress at night was a bit of a thrill as we got a bit locked out of some places and had to walk back around outside in the rain.







The next morning was slow-going for me (what else is new?) and we headed out to wander more before heading back to the mainland. We stopped for lunch at the Bay Centre which was fairly deserted and we ate some greasy foods.


Mmm…who doesn’t love heartburn on a plate?

More wandering…



In my touristy pamphlets I’d been devouring since our ferry ride over, I’d been reading about the various sweets shops in Victoria and wanted to partake! I didn’t want to miss out on possibly the most delicious ______ I’d ever had. You get it, right? My first stop was the chocolate shop Chocolat which served xocolatl – Aztec hot chocolate.



So I ordered it and when the girl gave me the cup, it was a mini-sized cup half-full of chocolately water. I asked the girl what I should do with it and she laughed at me and told me to drink it. Marty thought this was funny too. Ha ha. I guess for $4 I expected a full cup? Silly me. It was chocolately and slightly bitter…interesting indeed.

Our next stop was right across the street at the Dutch Bakery where I picked up some treats for the ferry ride home. As if I hadn’t swallowed enough junk already.





Oi! The little cookies were filled with pure whipped butter! That was kind of sick. Am I really part Dutch? No wonder we can be so lardy-like.

We hopped on the bus and headed back to Schwartz Bay to take the next ferry home. It was significantly more deserted today, making the ride enjoyable and comfortable with our oceanview seats.







Yay! What a fun time. I believe that we may be heading to the Island again this summer as Marty’s parents may want to check it out. So I will say “To be continued…”

On a side note, I did end up buying some exquisitely sweet Converse shoes shopping at Baggins in Victoria, but after I considered the price, I sent them back. Did you know Black Sabbath designed shoes? Me neither, but here they are.