(Day 2) We On the Geri Cruise

I was so zonked from the flight and adventures of the day before that I crashed like a rock and didn’t awake until long after the alarm had roused Marty. Unfortunately, we did need to be up a bit unreasonably early since we had to catch our hired car and pick up our riding mates at the airport to take the hour-long ride to Civitavecchia…all by 10:30 AM, when we wanted to board the boat. Time to say goodbye to Rome…for now.


It was waiting outside our hotel for our driver that we met our first flamboyant Italian – love it! He said to us, “My name is Massimo..but don’t call me!”



The day was surely a heater. The sun crackled around us while I cowered in Marty’s shadow; I like to preserve my paleness. Quite a change from the dreary cool of Amsterdam, but let’s bask in it! Well, all the rest of you can…I stay cowering over here.

At the given time, a small, ratty black minivan tore onto the parking lot and out jumped a greasy-looking Italian gentleman. Our ride had arrived! After not checking if we were who we said we were, we were piled into the van and on our way to the airport. The driver hauled Grant and I out of the van at the airport and told us to go look for our “friends”. Well, I can’t really fault him for calling them that, but honestly, I had never met them before and wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for. I had met Dave on the internet and knew that he was around 76 years old and his wife was going to be wearing red slacks. Our driver grabbed my emails from Dave, scribbled his name on the back in pen and began parading around the arrivals area holding this barely-visible message far above his head. To Italians, dilly-dallying costs money and is best avoided. Got it! I stared my own search and spotted them at once. They were carrying this:


I never get fail to get a kick out of seeing my name in strangers’ hands, halfway across the world at an airport…waiting for me!

They moved a little…slower than the driver liked, but before I knew it, we were rolling down the highway at top speeds, Dave sharing his life story with me. They were a nice couple and Dave had a very unique sense of humour…I’m still pleased with the way that all worked out – I know you aren’t reading this, but thanks Dave! Don’t die too soon – you’ve lots of things to do still. You’d appreciate me saying that, I’m sure.

Little did I know (but could surely guess), that this elderly encounter would be the first of many. The embarkation hall was filled to the brim with what we would affectionately (or not so…) end up calling them, “Geris” Add an “atric” instead of the “s” and you can figure out why this name is so appropriate.



Nothing could dampen my spirits – not from the moment I saw Her looming in the distance. She’s been waiting for me…and I’m here now!

I was so thrilled to board the Dream…I’d been watching the construction for the past year on webcams and photo blogs. You see, this was only her second voyage ever and I felt so privileged to live here for the next 12 days.

Our first stop to admire the vast decoration was the lobby atrium, spanning seven decks.






The glass elevators.

We decided to save the exploring for later and headed straight for deck 10, the Lido. The food stations were already out in full force and partook, we did.




The un-scenic shipyard…but still – it’s Italy! I’m dying.




The crew…and our subsequent obliterated mess of food and dishes.


And…me. You can’t really tell, but I was so excited I was nearly dead. Oh, also, there are a bunch of geris in the background, who may actually have been nearly dead.



After our porking, it was off to venture and explore every damn crevasse. The ship wasn’t too full yet as we didn’t set sail until 7:00 PM, so it was ours for the taking.




The mini-golf and smokestack.


What a great-looking group of people. Like, whoa.


Looking out to the pier and the beautiful aqua-green Mediterranean Sea.


Little cabanas in the Adults-Only lounge.




Arcade in the teen’s area.




Teen’s dance club.


The Scarlet Dining room’s top floor.





After a haphazard salespitch from the spa trying to sell us sauna usage for the cruise at $220 per person (these people are nuts), we busted on down to our rooms though technically we weren’t yet supposed to yet. I don’t care! I’m tired and my bag is heavy.




We got free champagne from our travel agency! Wonderful. Let’s take a tour.




This is the main bathroom.


View from doorway. Oh my! There is a man lying there.


Second bathroom.


Marty was a little tuckered-out.




Our view!...of a Royal Caribbean ship in port. It will get better at some point.



So that’s the tour. I’ve tried to take it from all angles, but really, the place is the size of J.Lo’s closet. Probably smaller, actually.

After Marty’s nap, we decided to partake in the ‘Welcome Aboard’ chat in the Encore Lounge which also outlined our first port of call (tomorrow!), Naples. Here, you can see our cruise director, Toddles.


Toddles was this SoCal bleached out 38-ish year old guy who kind of hit on any remotely attractive lady. It was kind of part of his charm though. Oh Toddles.

After another trip back to our room, there was suddenly a knock on the door. It was room service. And I didn’t order anything. Someone did for us.


Another gift from our travel agent! Petit fours! I’m psyched. I ate them all. Marty told me to. It’s his fault.

Okay, let’s explore a bit more of the ship now.


Here’s the candy shop. Yay! But it’s not free.




Casino, obviously.


The sushi bar, ‘Wasabi’, which only served sushi three times on a 12-day cruise. What the hell.


I like to call this place, “Les Deux”, in honour of that trampy place the trampy people on “the Hills” like to visit. It was actually named “Caliente” and I practiced my Michael Jackson “Billie Jean” steps here.


Oh yeah…can’t you just see the tiles light up as I step on them? There’s a video of it somewhere…and I hope it is never made public for the sake of my dignity.


Who dis.


We’ve arrived at the piano bar, Sam’s. This place was nearly dominated by a guy named “Damien Breller”, or as we liked to call him, “The Breller”, which in low-German means someone who just yells a lot. It really suited him.


The last stop on the Promenade was the Burgundy Lounge in the aft. Deserted now, this place would become a hotbed later in the nights thanks to the hilarious comedians who will perform here.





Nothing much happening, hey? Sorry about that, but what do you expect? You need to have a beginning to have a middle. Here’s my key of life and death for the next 12 days.



We lazed about on deck for a while before dinner, watching the people roll in and the ships roll out.







Sock lounging is best.

As it was our first night on board, we decided to partake in the formal dining room experience.





Suddenly, our Pilipino waiter Gede (I nicknamed him “Goodie-bag”) brought us out two bottles of wine. What? From our travel agent! I’m starting to notice a trend here…what next, free beach towels!



Marty got some kind of creepy plate.



I ordered a delicious fruit salad for an appy.



I was feeling daring since I was in a new country, so I ordered the Indian Vegetarian Dinner…


Eh…it had such a funk to it…too funky.

When we arrived back at our room for night, of course the bed was turned down and we had a towel animal, but we also had our tour tickets!



…we also had something stuffed into our mailbox when we arrived…


WOWZA! Free money! From our travel agent! I feel like Mother Oprah has given me seats during her favourite things episode. How lucky. I will spend it! No problem.

Tonight after we set sail, our first laser experience was to be had..this was much-hyped in the promotion of the cruise and I couldn’t wait to see what the excitement was about.




Uh…that geri, nor I, seemed much impressed. I see like, three lasers. Step up yo’ game Carnival! It was way too damn windy to keep the smoke in the pool area. Either shut the boat off or build a roof! How do they expect this to work? We’ll try again later.

We continued to wander the ship until all hours – thrilled that we were sailing, thrilled that we were in the Mediterranean, thrilled that it was finally here. We headed into Les Deux to find no one…




The moon was bright and the salty air was so surreal.

Our first friend to bid us goodnight was this guy:


WHAT IS THIS. I seriously have no idea. Some kind of walrus? Seal?

What a day. We’re finally here, after a year of planning, waiting and wishing. Two years since our last cruise and this one looks primed to overtake them all. See you in Naples!