(Day 3) No Problem!

Let me say first that, yes, cruising is all it’s cracked up to be. However, my best advice to make it even better, is to book a room that is somewhere not directly above the engines that shudder and bang while docking…at 6 AM. Really, not the most pleasant wake-up call, but if I look on the bright side, this means we are now arriving at one of our glamorous ports of call. Shuddering be damned!

Our first port was that of Naples, Italy. Funnily enough, my horoscope has told me that this is one of my recommended places to visit…so come one, come all, Sagittarians. But, don’t really, because there isn’t a whole lot IN Naples. Virtourist described the city best when it wrote that Naples is “claustrophobic, dangerous, decadent and dirty, but at the same time fascinating, different, intriguing and a must-see if you want to know the South of Italy. Don’t be surprised if you find a wonderful church next to a wretched house.” That pretty much says it. The ship docks here because of the amazing areas that surround Naples – the Island of Capri, the Lost City of Pompeii, Mount Vesuvius, and the Amalfi and Sorrento coasts. Since we were slated to visit Pompeii and Vesuvius later in the morning and afternoon, we decided to take a walk and discover a little bit of our unfamiliar surroundings. You can come too!




Our behemoth in port.


The outside of Castel Nuovo.




This arch is the most important Renaissance work in Naples (15th century, no big deal).










Graffiti in a foreign language is most fun, even if it’s ugly.










My first piazza! The wonderfully spacious Piazza Plebiscito. Wanna see a panoramic! It is nice:



A tidbit for you - if you think that “piazza” looks a lot like “pizza”, it’s not your imagination! Pizza was invented in Naples in 1889 at a piazza (though not this one above.) We are going try some true Napoli pizza later today…but we’ll see how it compares to the holy grail of Boston Pizza.




Even halfway across town (okay, I really have no idea how far we actually were, maybe a 10-min walk?), you can see our boat!




And even yet more in the distance, the ominous Mount Vesuvius.



The day was shaping up to be a crackler. After we made it back to the ship and reorganized ourselves, it was time for the tour. We headed back out under the hot Italian sun and were met by our tour pick-up guy, chatting on his cell phone holding a sign that said “Harder/Krahn”. He just nodded us over and walked off. Okay…so we followed. He yattered something to the guy on the phone and snapped it shut. Seconds later, a little mini-van thingy screeched up and the sliding door opened and we were hustled inside. This is like an episode of CSI Miami. All that’s missing is Horatio.



We traveled through the bowels of the city – a unique place cluttered with garbage and insanely clogged traffic. There were produce markets, ornate arches, and cars parked on every little patch of pavement in the city (seriously, sidewalks, medians, everything!) on our way to the highway to make our way to Pompeii.









I kind of imagined Pompeii in a desert-like atmosphere with nary a soul in site..just ash and ruins. The actual Pompeii is overrun with tourists and surrounded by lush forestation and lots of plucky souvenir and pizza shops. Let’s join the mobs in viewing this ancient civilization.





Do you remember the story of Pompeii? I remember learning about it in Geography or World History in grade seven or eight. Let me (or Wikipedia) tell you a little bit about it to jog your memory:

Pompeii was destroyed, and completely buried, during a long catastrophic eruption of the volcano Mount Vesuvius spanning two days in 79 AD. The volcano…buried Pompeii under 60 feet of ash and pumice, and it was lost for nearly 1,700 years before its accidental rediscovery in 1748. Since then, its excavation has provided an extraordinarily detailed insight into the life of a city at the height of the Roman Empire. Today, this UNESCO World Heritage Site is one of the most popular tourist attractions of Italy, with 2,571,725 visitors in 2007.

Let me just add that I think it had about 12 billion visitors alone on October 4, 2009.








A main city road.


A bustling city bakery.


Tourist geris clogging the roads.




The church in the upper portion of the photo is the level of the ground before the city was excavated – cool, hey? The geris in the photo collapsed since they didn’t figure walking among ancient ruins would be too difficult for their old brittle legs. Seriously! This is a true story. That geri needed a walker.




Now, do you see the protrusion in the wall on the right half of the picture? Well, let me tell you that that is supposed to be a penis poking out of the wall. Not a real one, obviously, but this is the indicator that a brothel is held inside. Let’s check it out! Warning: May not be suitable for children!


Ah, frescoes. These are very old and meticulously restored to their former porno-y glory.


This is the “suite” where the action happened. Yes, people, doesn’t this stone bed look appealing? Ancient hoes got freaky here.


What looks here like normal stone slabs really has an etching on it if you look closer…do you see it? This penis is pointing to the brothel we just came from. This is how the ancient Romans found the brothels in whatever city they were in. Handy, yes?


This is downtown Pompeii. You can see the mean old Mount Vesuvius in the background here. That mountain buried this city for decades. And we’ll visit the mountain later. I hope I survive. Oh wait, I’m writing this, so I must have. Or did I? What.




Here’s the artefact shed. Lots of pottery.


A plaster cast of one poor, unfortunate soul.


And another.


And a doggie. Who was completely warped into a very strange position.


Goodbye ruins! I’m now hot, sweaty, and hungry. Can we eat now? “No problem!” says our Italian guide. Uh-huh.

So after our Pompeii guide left, we were paired next with this Italian girl who kind of looked like Lindsay Lohan. She seemed to be very confused and understood nothing I asked her but knew how to say, “No problem. No problem.” …to everything. She led us down a garden path (literally) and we finally managed to get some food.





Okay, so I’ll admit, the restaurant was really cute and really Italian. The serving staff were a bit gruff and we weren’t allowed to actually choose what we wanted to eat (as it was included with the tour), but we were going to make the best of it. Time to eat real Italian pizza in its birthplace. Yoooosha!


Uh, not much to it, eh? It’s just dough, tomato sauce and cheese. I prefer the Italian stylings of Il Bostonio Pizzeria. Feel free to blaspheme me if you wish.

After some more confused wandering trying to find our van driver, we were back on the road again! Off to the monstrous Mount Vesuvius.








Best.statue.ever.



This is where the van left us. Again, I thought it would be kind of deserted, but I should have known better. The large tour buses that managed to finagle their ways up those curvaceous mountain roads could only have been driven by the Italians. Beyond belief. Anyway, still 1/3 of the way up to go…on foot.


Yeah…what did you expect? The groomed path is courtesy of the fact that the mountain is trodden by tourists of every shape, size, and colour…and when I say colour I’m referring to the Asian girls who insist on wearing 4-inch heels to climb a mountain. Sheesh.

So, as you may have figured, Mount Vesuvius is a volcano. Much to my delight, it is also still active! And…much to my dismay, it only gives off a bit of steam. I was expecting to peer into a lava pit. I had a lot of false expectations today.




This looks like a gravel pit! I want lava!

Sometimes, I like to act a bit deviant in my own, very-clean way. So, I took out a little pen and left my mark on a bench at the top of the mountain.


Let me know if you head to Mount Vesuvius soon…I’ll tell you where to find it so you can write “sucks” after it.

Oh, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I was wholly thinking of Hansel from Zoolander the WHOLE time I was there and how he he smoked peyote on Mount Vesuvius…only to realize he’d never been to Mount Vesuvius. What a classic movie.

As we booked this tour on our own and not through the ship, we were a bit concerned about getting back in time before the ship would sail off into the sunset, as the timeline was quite tight. I tried to communicate this to both our Lindsay Lohan and the driver (who really understood not one thing I said) and after much exasperation, once we arrived back in town with the ship in our line of sight, we hopped off the van and walked the rest of the way. At least we can rely on our feet. I had enough of “No problem!” for one day. Sheesh.

First order of business after boarding the boat was shower and eat. And eat, we did.






Goodbye Naples!



The sail away was beautiful. The sun was setting as we headed back into the Mediterranean Sea. We had some beautiful islands to sail by throughout the course of the next few hours so Marty and I parked ourselves on deck and relaxed.









I had more dessert…






I believe this is Capri…or Sorrento…


Marty beached himself on the lounger.

I found a spot on one of the upper decks where the lighting was quite interesting…and proceeded with a mini-photo shoot to cap off the evening.



Marty tried too…




We continued to bum around on deck for a while…







Our first crazy day of adventure behind us, we retired for the day to our stately..ah…stateroom, to enjoy another towel animal.



What fun we had today. Naples was different than I thought, but perhaps I shouldn’t have thought so much. Tomorrow is our first day at sea, which will give us time to rest up for the sure-to-be-amazing port of Dubrovnik, Croatia. I’ve wanted to visit this place since I had a Croatian economics teacher in College. Here’s to you, Ilija Dragojevic!