(Day 1) Dirty Cowboys

I like traveling. But you know what I like more? Traveling when I don’t have to pay! Frequent business trips are still a goal of mine, but until that point, I’ll settle for annual ones. Last year, I was given the privilege of visiting our nation’s capital, Ottawa. This year, it was in the decidedly less epitome of urban sophistication, Calgary. If the nickname “Cow Town” isn’t enough to guide the vibe of this post, the dirty cowboys most certainly will.

But first, my first-class seat awaits on the luxurious airliner that will jet me over on the 52 minute journey.





And, of course, by first-class seat, I mean I managed to score the exit row on a Westjet flight. My luggage came quick and Sistre (the Canadian spelling of Sister) was there to whisk me away and into the city.



After hitting up her apartment to drop off my precious goods, we tried a new restaurant – vegetarian Chinese at a cute place called ‘Veggie Buddha’.



So the exciting part of this meal was me flinging my egg roll to…somewhere, and, in the process, knocking my full glass of water over onto the table and splashing my beloved camera. It was like the apocalypse with Chinese ladies running around with sopping clothes in hand. They were really sweet though – they even brought me a new egg roll. And the food was to die for.





Sistre was acting all sly and mysterious, alluding to an event we were going to take part in next, but would only give me clues like we’d be sitting, there would be people around and they may be men. I guessed that we were going to be receiving wheelchair rides around the mall. Wrong – we arrived at a nail salon! Oh Sistre!





The little Asian lady who greeted us also proceeded to make us wait for half an hour because they don’t understand the concept of appointments. The pedicure chairs were those massaging ones, but this one was really special because it even massaged your butt. Actually, the chairs were the highlight, because the lady who was doing my nails and things was really rushy and tried to stick my feet and hands into boiling hot paraffin. She also made my cuticles bleed. So…much love to Sistre for being thoughtful and kind to bring me, and I hope that lady gets some proper manicure/pedicure lessons soon.

My next stop was to check into my hotel, the Calgary Hyatt. Quelle surprise when I walk into the lobby and there are lady geris stuffed from wall to wall wearing fluorescent spandex. They were lined up like graffiti’ed cattle, waiting to use the elevator. Upon check-in, I used my best “professional businessperson” tone to secure a ride up to my room using the service elevator. The real horror (as if the spandex wasn’t enough) occurred when I stepped onto my floor and then into my room. They had given me a smoking room! Cue apocalypse number two. I immediately ran over to the phone and called guest services – not only did they insist that I hadn’t stated my preference in the reservation, but they offered me an ashtray! The gall! Okay, well, I sternly informed them I cannot stay in this room to which they replied they’d do what they could as they were overbooked. They called back and told me I could move to another room, so they sent a bellboy to help me move my things. I moved one floor down and began to breathe easier.

The room was OK – but I’m a bit of a hotel snob at this point and it paled in comparison to the lofty digs at the Westin in Ottawa.









Then it was off to grab my conference registration goods and rush back down to the car where Sistre was waiting so we could go shopping at Holt Renfrew.



After a fruitless trip to Holt’s, we ended up at a ghetto Boston Pizza for some cheesey disaster they called a Tuscan pizza. BLAH. Oh yeah, and the hostess was a B.



After a trip to the Superstore, Sistre brought me to my new home to do some homework, which I dutifully did, between staring out of my window onto the skyline of Gotham:


(You can’t tell me that a black and white skyline doesn’t look like Gotham!)

Then, at some witching hour, B-Mal came calling and he picked me up for some pubbing. I hung out in the lobby of hotel waiting for him and tried to take some pictures to show you:





So can you see any detail in the two pictures above? No? Well I was almost forced to delete those pictures because the concierge came up to me and told me that no pictures were allowed because of the owner’s expensive paintings. What paintings? Yeah, let me just create a replica from one of those pictures above. I’m almost done and all it looks like is a tiny square.

Our first pubby stop was to some Irish joint called Finn McCool's which was nearly deserted except for a sloshed wedding party that stumbled in and proceed to making slurred speeches, etc. We left shortly thereafter.

Next stop was Joey Tomato’s, where I had the tastiest martini ever created.



As this was my second drink of the night, I was feeling a little tired and hot, but that didn’t stop me from trading barbs with the Chief of Dirty Wizards himself.



With a sufficient amount of alcohol imbibed, we made it back to the car and eventually home.



Tomorrow is a very early start of conferencing, so I’ll take my leave now. Day one of introducing myself to Calgary is complete. Tomorrow, total destruction.