Sailing Away with Your Granny...

After waiting patiently all summer, September 12thfinally arrived! This was the fated day our voyage began - just me, Marty and several hundred seniors. Yay!



After arriving at the Port of Vancouver with several thousands of elderly citizens and about 20-30 people less than 50, we embarked upon the ms Zaandam, one of three ships in port that day. This being our second cruise, we were familiar with the process and within 20 minutes were up on the Lido deck to begin our week-long food-cramming fest.





I attempted to start off healthy – trust me, it quickly fell off after the above picture was taken. At 1:30, the cruise director announced that the staterooms were ready and we scampered down to the Lower Promenade deck (deck 3) and discovered our room was beside the atrium which was a giant organ.







After dumping our stuff, it was time to explore the ship before all the walkers would begin blocking the hallways and clogging the elevators.




The above is (duh) the Mondriaan Lounge where we saw some good and terrible events during the week, including a very hot Australian magician.


This is the Wajang Theatre which was for culinary events during the day (which we did not attend) and a movie theatre at night. Yay!


This is the reservations-only, $20 a head restaurant on board that we were too cheap to care about. Why pay for food when you can get it for free on the deck above?

Next, we headed up to Explorations Café (aka the library) which actually had a fairly decent selection of my favorite books – travel guides.





Upon wandering through the library, one particular piece of artwork caught my eye:




Yes, folks, that’s right. The geriatric vessel I was vacationing on has co-godmothers in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson. I love this place, don’t you Uncle Jesse?




This is the restaurant we ate dinner at – for free! Take that Pinnacle Grill you b! Steak every night baby! Or not. I ate it once.

During our tour, I completely forgot we hadn’t even left port yet and a glimpse out the window reminded me we were still in sunny Vancouver.



More touring…




This is the fancy piano bar. No time spent here.





We happened to be passing through the Lido deck (deck 8) when we were summoned (attacked) by the spa people and were roped into going on a tour of their facilities.



I’ll admit…when the people started talking about their treatments, I was sold. Hee hee! I booked an treatment called Ionithermie that was supposed to reduce toxins, cellulite, fat, increase metabolism and lose inches. But all that is tomorrow’s news.

After our tour, we meandered onwards and upwards.






The Lido restaurant is the causal buffet-style eatery we crammed our faces morning, noon, and night. Literally.


The other two ships in port, a Princess cruise to Hawaii and the Carnival that followed us to Alaska and back.


Aft pool






Lido pool






I gave the Crow’s Nest several nicknames that I repeated frequently, sometimes several times an hour – Les Deux (most popular), Forty Deuce, LAX, Hyde, etc etc

We chilled in Les Deux for a while and stared at this guy tempting fate.



We stumbled upon the teen’s area of the ship – or as I like to refer to it – Les Deux Jr or Mini Les Deux.








A grotto? It was like Playboy mansion in the hizzle.

We decided to chillax for while here since there were no teens present to enforce the strict “TEENS ONLY!” policy.




Somewhere in the course of chillaxing Marty seems to have lost his leg.

At 4:15, it was time for my most-hated and dreaded activity – the lifeboat drill. I have horrendous memories of this exercise from our Caribbean cruise because I was prompt and it was sweltering outside which meant I had to stand behind hordes of people for 20 minutes sweaty wearing a bulky lifejacket. This time, we were very tardy and the temps were breezy, so I believe I’ve been cured – for the time being.



At 5:00, the boat pulled away from the port and we were off.

















That night we ate dinner in the Rotterdam and then watched ‘The Astronaut Farmer’ in the Wajang theatre. After, we headed to the Mondriaan Lounge to see a comedian/violinist (yes, I was surprised they existed as well). After than we bounded (well, I did) up to the “late night snack” as they call it in the Lido Restaurant. It’s basically another massive buffet with slightly less choice than any other meal and it always had a theme. That night had an Alaskan theme. Returning to our room, we found out that Diwa (our steward) had turned down our beds, left us chocolate, and produced our first towel animal. Yay!





Day 2

This was a full day at sea. I decided to spend my morning attending a session on how to get skinny in the spa, and then headed down to the library to work on my last blog about summer.



Staring out the window, a mysterious vessel appeared through the fog…


OOoooooh.

We spent most of the day relaxing and wandering about the ship. Later in the afternoon, we found ourselves on the Sky Deck planted on loungers and napping.











Before dinner, I had booked my Ionithermie appointment at the spa and it was very nice indeed. Oh wait. Except for the person that felt the need to drop their, er, sanitary, er, necessities that were (ew) used onto the benches in the changing area. Anyways, the treatment was interesting – she brushed me down with this special brush to “drain” the toxins and then covered me with some goop. After that, I lay on this bed of muddy goop and then she slapped some more goop on top me like she was baking me in a cake. After that, they shot some little electrodes through me and I apparently lost 4.9 inches total. Just like that! Then she tried to sell me some pills for almost $500 bucks. Annoying. With enough price cuts, I finally bought half of what she was trying to sell and that’s all I’ll say about that.

That night was the first of two formal nights on board, so we decided that since most of the population would probably feel the need to get dressed up (in case it might be their last meal), we’d bypass the crowds and eat at the Lido. That night, I braved the crowds in the Mondriaan Lounge, which was packed, to watch the singers and dancers spout off Broadway songs. BOO. It was crap. When I almost threw up, I headed back to the room and slept the rest of the night away. No buffet for me that night.



Tomorrow we arrive at our first (not) exotic port of call – Juneau, Alaska! Whales up the ying-yang!

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