Hollywood Studios

I feel like I’m running the Disney marathon – me and thousands of others, everyday, from one park to the next. I’m entering the home stretch though…after today, I say goodbye to this Mickey-filled mayhem. But not without first drowning in the sea of bodies that flank all streets inside the park of Hollywood Studios. Welcome all, to Sunset Blvd.



The weather looks hot, but it is, as it has been all week, lying to you (or me, which was worse because I was actually there). The lineups to get Fastpasses was ridiculous. Couple that with ladies who don’t understand that they can’t get a Fastpass if they just got one, and it’s a recipe for frustration. I’m trying to keep my cool though. And failing.



We luckily got into the Indiana Jones show before the temps got too hot, though things certainly began to heat up when I nearly got into a verbal altercation with a group of teenagers. I am too old for this shit.



But seriously…why is it that some kids can’t even display common courtesy? These kids put their feet up on the bench in front of them so people wouldn’t sit there (though it was a full house) and they wouldn’t move over when asked to do so by the usher. These types of disrespect irritate me (apparently to the point of action) and so they swore at me. I shot back at them and then they said something else stupid. Ack! This is America, and you don’t know if these kids are packing, so I left it at that. I don’t want to die over something so dumb.





After riding the Tower of Terror, I hurried over to the Extreme Stunt Show (seriously, hauled it from one side of the park to the other, full-tilt running), where my parents were saving me a seat, but it closed half an hour early as it was full. I was kind of…livid, so I shot off at the mouth a bit again, accusing them of being…(gasp)…unfriendly!! Ha ha ha…considering how friendly Disney prides themselves in being friendly, it was the worst thing I could think of. The guy I said it to seemed flabbergasted that I would dare say such a thing. Oh in hindsight it’s funny.

Instead of moping around for the next hour, waiting for my parents to come out, I decided to wait in the monstrously long line for Toy Story Mania. The wait said 160 minutes, but it wasn’t even reaching outside…





This lineup was one of the most hideous I’d experienced yet. It was so noisy inside the massive queuing room, and children kept on bumping into me, despite my nasty sideway glares and their parents, telling them to keep away from me. Also, Mr. Potato Head would NOT shut up. I realize he’s meant to entertain, but his incessant babbling, after you’ve been standing in a hot room for over an hour is enough to make anyone contemplate attack. Thankfully, once I was mostly to the front, I got bumped into a handi-car and I was off. The ride is arcade-style – you have a gun and shot it at the 3-D arcade screens as you go. What fun!


This was my gun.


Compared to the others in the cars near me, my score was through the roof. But I had terrible accuracy…and lots of fun.


This is the focal point of the park – Mickey’s hat from Fantasia.

There were many things in between – disgusting curry from the Commissary restaurant, the absent-minded cashier who earned Mother’s ire, a funny Muppet Show – but before we knew it, it was night again.



I rode the Tower again – I think I almost have a new favourite! I sat beside some guy who was so scared but I assured him it is a kind of ticklish feeling (the falling), not scary! It was ticklish for me, at least. I couldn’t stop laughing as we fell faster than gravity would normally cause us to.





As it finished, the guy shakily turned to me and said, “I thought you said it wasn’t scary.” He looked a bit white. What a suck, and I’m by no means tough when it comes to rides.

Papa-chu and I had Fastpasses for the Rock’N’Roller Coaster (aka the Aerosmith ride) and we dutifully stood in line, enduring some awful singing from one of the cheerleanding squads who have been infiltrating every park, everyday. Gross. At least I had earplugs; Papa wasn’t so lucky.

The ride starts off FAST. It goes from 0-60 in 2.8…and they capture that moment, for some reason…?


Everyone looks terrible. I don’t get it…my lips are almost peeling back.

This ride maybe wasn’t such a good idea…it was just “Sweet Emotion” playing at ridiculous decibels beside my ear and loops in the dark, next to glow-in-the-dark street signs. Excuse me while I go puke over here.





Mission = complete. Disney is in the bag and I have two more days left here in Florida. Tomorrow we are going to SeaWorld for some non-Disney-related activity respite. Papa is pondering protesting for the release of shamu…maybe he will even make a sign. HA HA HA HA HA

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Epcot

I didn’t really know what Epcot was. It kind of made me think of the ‘80s – a theme park based on the future, as perceived by some Disney staff in 1980. Actually, the vibe of this park isn’t too far off. I did know, however, that they have that big silvery ball as it’s theme image and that I was going to discover it for myself, today.

The weather in Florida continues to be a dirty lie. Despite the palm trees, that dangnabit northeasterly wind continues to blow, blow, blow and freeze my bones. I think America hates me.







This park was finally looking like a more reasonably-sized population had gathered, rather than the body-on-body mess of the last two days. I had to run for the Fastpasses today as my parents were lazy and complaining (what? You know it’s true Ma.) It’s always difficult to try and get on a ride early, but the line up for Nemo wasn’t too daunting. But you know what appears outside is just a cruel joke as you weave for 10 miles yet once you are inside. Sigh. Such is Disney.






Mission: SPACE – you launch in a space shuttle and then connect with the space station. It was pretty fun, releasing junk into space.

Epcot is, of course, also home to the pavilions representing many countries around the globe. They are spread out around a giant pond, so there is buttloads of walking ahead.




Oh I recognize that one – it’s Italy (well, mostly Venice, from the looks of it)…let’s start on our trek.

We first come to Mexico, which makes sense, considering it’s proximity to America. I didn’t exactly think about an homage to the Mayan ruins of the country, though I suppose that’s better than my idea = a giant sombrero and maracas. And possibly offer some cheap dentistry to the visitors.






Frankly, I don’t which part of Mexico looks like this. Where’s the kids with trays of Chiclets for sale? Where’s the rows and rows of ugly lawn statues? Whateva, Mexico. Go on and continue in your lies.



Welcome to Norway, patrons! I gotta say, some of the strapping young fellows who worked at this pavilion were…not hard on one of the five senses; I’ll let you guess which. To top it off, they had names like Arnbjørn, Sveinbjørn, Nilsmund and Holmkjell. Yeaaaah boy! You know what I’m sayin’. This pavilion also had a ride called Maelstrom, which was kind of cool and kind of only a minute long, with a – yep, you guessed it – 45 minute wait. What.



I was hungry, so we went to China.







Next up was some Germany! I took this opportunity to try and indulge in some German chocolate. What I thought was an elegant German dessert turned out to be a rice krispie square covered with melted chocolate chips. Whatevs. I ate it happily anyway. The Germans who worked here appeared to have a bit of some Krönung Kaffee stuck up their butts – man did they seem sour!



Eventually, we made our way into Italy. For a small replication of some of their top tourist draws, it wasn’t too bad at all. In their mini piazza, they had a some street performers and a little shop selling Venetian masks at 4000% markup – perhaps this is close to the real thing after all.



Um, we skipped over the American pavilion because, to be fair, we are already in America and I may be at my limit of what I can handle already. Though I realize it probably showcased some famous American things, I’ve already taken in my share of New York, Washington, LA, etc, in person. I’m good, thanks.

After America, comes my adopted second homeland. Can you guess?



Yeah, I’m sure everyone knew that. Japan’s pavilion is the only one with a department store (naturally, considering the high level of consumerism on the motherland), but not much else. I ended up buying a bowl of dried soba and some packages of miso soup for Matthew *rotfl*. How ridiculous – buying food halfway across North America to eat at lunch sometime, just because it’s cheaper than in Vancouver. Also, I must mention how fun it was to watch an awkward teenage girl trying to practice her Japanese with a store clerk who was trying to stock shelves. There was lots of tucking hair behind ears and nervous giggling. I’m so mean.




Ooh, what country is this? Um, America? Yes, this is on the other side of the lake, back on the Epcot fun ride side. We had Fastpasses, so we took the boat back across and then took it again back to resume our travels in Morocco.













Next up was France. It was really hoity-toity here, them with all their French-styled gardens, expensive parfums and whatnot.


I feel like I’m painting the roses red.




Ooh, oui! There’s the Eiffel Tower!

Coming into the home stretch here – next up was Harry Potter’s home country, India. JK! That’s Harjit Potter. Of course, I mean the UK.



And, saving the absolute most beautiful country in the entire world for last, we arrived in Canada…me with a little, homesick tear in my eye.





The circle-vision theatre, where they showed the landscape and major cities of our beautiful country, choked me up several times (remember, this was during the Olympic period). I wasn’t too impressed, however, on the surly girl in a jean skirt and flannel shirt who worked in the gift shop. She was a) wearing along jean skirt (ew), and 2) surly! Not that Canadians can’t be surly, but when we are ambassadors in another country, let’s try to be a little more polite, eh?

Our time had come to experience the much-ballyhooed ride, Soarin’. Papa-chu was psyched to go hang-gliding.



That was really fun! We went hang gliding over southern California. And then came back to DisneyWorld. We then hauled onto “Living with the Land” for the second time today. There is something so relaxing to a ride that teaches you about sustainable farming and the environment.

Epcot closed at the relatively early hour of 8:00, so we hauled our cookies onto the Test Track to test some GM-ish vehicles and then vamoose.





Would it be bad to say that I’m getting a bit Disney’ed-out? All this Mickey crap everywhere is getting to me. I’ll be alright…tomorrow is our last park, Hollywood Studios. I think I can make it.

We ate dinner at a ghetto Chinese buffet tonight. MSG has never been used so heavy-handedly. I’ll probably end up losing my hair from this buffet’s consumption of the additive alone. Boo.


I feel that food should not look shiny.

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