...Dropping her Dentures in my Bread Pudding...

Day 3

We decided to order breakfast room service, so we did and proceeded to do it incorrectly on their form, so we got two of everything!



We were scheduled to do some scenic cruising in Tracy Arm that morning and dock in Juneau at 2:00 pm. Thanks to some b who was suddenly gravely ill, we cut out the cruising and double-booked it to Juneau and docked at 11:30. Now you understand the term “geriatric cruising”. On the way to Juneau, we found a nice little spot on the loungers outside our window/porthole to gawk.













Sure enough, when we landed in Juneau, I saw the biddy being dragged off on a stretcher. No pictures for that, sorry. Juneau is kind of a poopy little town, with tons of jewelery stores and knick-knacky carving/t-shirt stores. Some fur and carpet stores, too. If you have ever been on a cruise, you will understand that these types of stores are in any port, worldwide. It’s ridiculous actually. Needless to say, Marty and I aren’t into that, so we wandered about and tried to find an un-populated spot.









We finally found a quiet spot near some old, decrepit apartments up one of their crazy stairways.





Now, when I say that Juneau is a poopy little town, I actually meant that Juneau is actually the second largest city in the US – geographically. It covers more than 3,000 square miles. We got bored of that quickly and proceeded back to town to wait for our shore excursion to begin.









The excursion we booked was the “Whale Watching and Wildlife Quest”. YAY! Whales!! I was filled with glee. We boarded our bus and since we always end up in front of some pompous, obnoxious douchebag on these kinds of things, this time was no different.







Our tour guide was hilarious and made fun of the douchebag guy behind us and we all had a great laugh. Our bus stopped at a view spot for Mendenhall Glacier and there I saw my first glacier of the trip.



It looked like a hologram. We arrived at our dock to board the catamaran and got a shitty seat. I didn’t care though, because these suckers were gonna be HUGE up in my face and all that. Breaching right in front of the boat like dolphin.



I fully expected to see this!! Or…at least this:



…boo. I saw neither. Once we got into open water, I did end up seeing a lot of this:


(I didn’t take the above three pictures. From here on out, it’s all me though – not hard to believe.)




Some blowhole action













I was kind of annoyed that every inch of deck space was hogged by paparazzo types or invalids with disposable cameras. And my camera is shit. That is why whenever their was a primo tail shot, my camera was 5-10 seconds behind. Thanks piece. At least I stole someone’s primo window spot while they were out craning their necks with their paparazzo camera.





We got back to the boat early in the evening and ate our dinner on the Lido deck. After dinner we went to see the juggler/comedian and then I got nauseous and headed to an early bed. Marty headed to the Wajang theatre to watch the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 3’. We both missed the late night snack with a German theme. Vo est doat!



Day 4

By the time we awoke on Saturday, we were in Skagway, docking at 7:00 am. We ate breakfast on the Lido deck and headed to the bow to admire the scenery.









It seems it was a bit of a tradition for the ship’s captain to leave his insignia on the stones around the pier. Lots of them were hideous.

Our shore excursion was to start at 10:30, so we headed into town to check out the wares beforehand.







The town’s most interesting piece of history was the tales of Soapy Smith and his nefarious gang which ruled the town in the early 1800’s.





Since the town was again a-litter with jewelery and other kitschy goods, we didn’t stay long. Our shore excursion began by hopping into a mostly-empty van (there were only two others on our tour) and headed up up up up up up up into the cusp of Alaska/BC/and the Yukon. There, on a glacier-carved lake, I donned some insanely smelly (and hideous but warm) hat, and had my first go at kayaking.









We didn’t tip and for that, I am thankful. It was dang cold and wet. Our tour guide was a major hippie dude who kayaked in sandals with his long greasy ponytail. But he was aiiiiet. After we arrived back on shore safe and sound (and upon my sticky fangaz grabbing all the complimentary cookies and goldfish crackers in sight), we headed onto the second part of our tour, the White-Pass and Yukon Rail train that would whisk us back down to Skagway. This railway was built in 1898 and was really rickety. Calling the tracks narrow at some points would be an understatement. But it was that very ricketyness and skinny track that made it so dang cool.




This is an original decrepit shack! Say it with me folks! ORIGINAL DECREPIT SHACK! So exciting.


This is what the top of a mountain that has been stripped in search of gold looks like.



We were skidding a long and suddenly, out of the mist and fog, a skeleton of a bridge appeared. Truthfully, it was quite eerie.



Constructed in 1901, this was the tallest cantilever bridge in the world. It was used until 1969. Below is a picture of it being used sometime prior to 1936.



















Um…that bridge in the above picture is just joined at either end and our train went over that. No big deal.



”On to Alaska with Buchanan” has been a sightseeing attraction for over 70 years. The sign was painted by the Buchanan Boys Tour Group, brought from Detroit each year to visit Skagway, circa 1920-30.


This is Harding Glacier.



After we arrived safely back in Skagway, we started our stroll to the ship since we were going to make it to dinner in the Rotterdam. Along the way, a furry friend of yours and mine stopped by to say hello.







The shots are all blurry because they were my “action” shots. After I grabbed my camera and ran after the bear, Marty feared for my life (and mind). He needn’t worry though…there was a little fence between the two of us. He ran off anyways.






Can you see the walkers? No, seriously…can you?

Back on board, we had dinner and relaxed. Later on we watched Blades of Glory on my laptop. Freaking hilarious.



Tomorrow is cruising Glacier Bay, 7-12 foot waves, INTENSE nausea, and chocolate. Perf.