(Day 6) Blazing Saddles

>> Thursday, May 13, 2010

“What should we do?” “I don’t know.” “C’mon, what should we do?” “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, it doesn’t matter to me.” “Me neither. Whatever you think.” This conversation went on for a while. Hours…even days before we finally pulled our crap together and made a decision. For pete’s sake, we were in Ban-fa-fa after all, so we should do something Banff-ish. I made the executive decision that we’d head up to the hot springs and soak our bones, so we did.

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As you can see, the view outside the pool was just awe-inspiring. The view inside the pool, however, was another story.

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Like I said, black and white photos make everything seem classier.

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The pool was fine. As it was too early in the season yet, the pool was partially filled with municipal water. And so really, we were all just hanging out in a giant warm cesspool of diluted spring water (and likely some bodily fluids and skin cells, etc, but that’s par for the course in any public pool.)

Sis and I hung out here for a while and then headed back to the hotel to switch attire for our next excursion. We were on a roll, so why stop now? AND THE WILD WEST AWAITS!

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I always imagine that when I finally get around to going horseback riding, I’m going to have a “natural seat” (it’s what my camp counsellor told me) and my horse and I are going to gallop through a meadow, like in those Julia Roberts movies or whatever. So Sistre and I decided to shell out the big bucks for such a session on this day, in Banff. Blazing saddles indeed!

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”Beeeee nice to us horses, neeiiiiighhh!”

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Well I just siddled up to my horse and was like, ‘What up, pardner’ and he was like, “neiiiiiiiigh” and waved his silky mane in the wind. This was going to be a good ride.

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Sis, getting all strapped in for the ride of her life.

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Well, this is no meadow filled with tall grass and wildflowers, but I suppose it will do.

Well, as you can guess, the wild gallop through a meadow was more like a slow walk in a straight line. Unfortunately, we were also saddled (literally) with an old fart from Germany who didn’t understand a lick of English and I was stuck behind his pokey horse who kept farting. Worst! I was kind of hoping that my horse would bite the other one’s butt, but I was out of luck. And we plodded along. Slowly.

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Sis looks happy, but her horse looks sad. He had to listen to Sis chastise him for two whole hours, an endless stream of questions and directions, neither which he appeared to understand. Sis, you know it’s true! But my horse had an attitude problem, so I think we were about even.

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Here! I could break free from the pack, but I think my horse would be deathly confused. I could probably tempt him with some grass though, if I needed to. I’m too responsible.

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Ew, my horse looks really kind of fat from this angle. And I look stubby.

So, as you can conclude, the horse ride, in the end, was a bit of a let down. Sis’s horse did a little cantering thing every once in a while, but my just walked. I yanked his head a bit, if that counts. I bet it doesn’t. Poo.

We were so nasty dirty from the horses (seriously, how?), so we settled in for sushi and cleaned ourselves off until the food arrived.

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Okay, this isn’t sushi, but I’m such a sucker for tonkatsu curry that I can’t pass it up if its on the menu.

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We wandered the shops for a while, tried on a bags at LV, and then we hit up Safeway for some more snack grub. Tomorrow we are outta here and back to Calgary, but there will be more sisterly shenanigans to get into there…maybe some disgusting cake! I’m going to bet $10 on that.

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(Day 5) From Castle to Cottage

>> Wednesday, May 12, 2010

If you’ve read this far into my series, well, thanks. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably are a family member, coworker that I will nag if you don’t read this, were tagged, or are Jen G. But I don’t mind – harassment/provocation works.

Anyway, today was my last conferencing day. I sat in an interesting session on business systems and received a colourful USB hub. All in all, a win-win situation.

For lunch, I met up again with B-Mal and he introduced me to the wonderful world of SHAWARMA! Sha-sha-sha-sha-warma.

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Hot damn!

Hot was right. I got a sunburn on my arm after 30 minutes of sun exposure. Sheesh. I Brett adieu as the stinker was headed off to MB for the weekend and I would not see him again this trip. His loss.

After a taxi ride across the city and a dream ride in the Dynaride, I arrived at Sis’s apartment for laundry and re-packing for our next leg of the journey – Ban-fa-fa!

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Ghosts of Olympics past.

After a stop at the gas and grocer, we were on our way, giggling with girlish glee. Sistre is always a riot.

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I scored a cheap room for us at the Juniper, just outside of downtown Banff. Sis thought it was the cutest thing ever; I, well, I just checked out of the Hyatt. But it was alright since we had our own beds.

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Of course, after dropping our goods, we headed into the town to check out the non-existent scene – it was a Wednesday night in May, after all. But we were also in search of nourishment, and ended up at a place which would provide just that – a vegetarian bistro called “Nourish”.

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This place was absolutely phenomenal. Oh my gosh – like, blow-your-mind flavours. Who knew vegetarian food was better than regular food? Well, maybe lots of vegetarians…but I am not one, nor will I be, unless I can eat this food everyday. Geeze. I’m dying.

After some more wandering around town and picking up some chocolate and other bad foods to munch at the hotel, we headed back. But first, I attempted a kidnap of this small friend:

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It didn’t work, but I bet he tasted bad though. He’s probably one of those things they make and then put on display for years. Ew.

We just chillaxed and watched ‘Talledega Nights’ on the tube. I ate some junk. Some more lazing occurred. Tomorrow we’ll do something useful and fun and adventurous, but for tonight, I’m done.

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(Day 4) Bad Carpet

>> Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I went to the plenary session at 9:00 AM, but in the end I was upset that I even wasted one calorie of effort to go to it. I planned to walk out on several occasions, but in the end I was too nice to actually mobilize my desires. You may be wondering what was so terrible about it, but it was mostly just the fact that the speaker was trying to be funny, and while everyone laughed, I just got more agitated. Maybe I have a bad attitude, but maybe he just sucked that badly. Oi! But the day wasn’t all a wash though it started on this bad (smelly and gangrenous) foot – after that session I head back (yes, again) to Holt Renfrew as I had an appointment with the Chanel makeup artist. One heavily made-up face later, I was back on the road, this time to visit the company that ate my former employer and sent everyone running for the hills: Viterra.

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They re-created Winnipeg in Calgary. Almost.

The reason I was here was to visit the man of any hour, Brent Malloske. He stormed (walked) into the lobby in a power suit (not really) with a bunch of hoity business men (true). I was immediately jealous. Not because of all the men, but because I want to be hoity! I’m gonna get working on that. But first, Brent let me sit in his chair in his office and pretend I was hoity.

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The view from his hoity office, though there was cheap-looking carpet and doors in there. I’m an office snob.

We headed down to the concourse for some grub and I was doing my best to blend in with all the yuppies.

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Srs bsns.

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Pho!

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Chanel!

After the tasty bowl of pho, we headed outdoors for a walk to escape the all the dirty cowboys lingering inside. Considering the fact that we used to do this often in Winnipeg, it almost brought a tear to my eye. Almost.

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It was in this little park that we saw some people running barefoot! Yikes!

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On my walk back to the hotel, I did see these odd signs of a dirty cowboy climbing some stairs:

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I kind of like it.

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A picture of my latest home.

After a session on succession planning and a snoozer on how to make your research matter (at least for someone like me), I met up with the folks from the research department and we wandered up and down Stephen Ave in search of sustenance. We needed to find something in relatively short time because today is a Canuck playoff game. Eeeeee!

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Such a fun place to take pictures.

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No, this is not my beer – I hate beer. But I tried it! It was gross, of course.

Irish pubs dictate (to me, anyway) that you have to eat something Irish. So I went with Shepherd’s Pie. Pretty much anything with mashed potatoes is good by me.

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As fate would have it, the Canucks lost, along with their chances at the Stanley Cup. I can’t be mad atcha Luo! Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

At around midnight, I decided to risk the potential bums with knives outside my hotel to take a picture of the Calgary tower at night. I didn’t get knifed, so it’s a happy ending for all.

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Not really much to see, is there.

And thus concludes another day. Tomorrow is the last of the conferencing and the first of the big adventures with Sistre! We are going to Ban-f-f (pronounced “Ban-fa-fa” as per my dear old Papa-san) and plan to kidnap some horses and have guns a’blazing. Or something like that. Goodnight.

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